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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    Silver Linen To Every Cloud

    | USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (We have multiple very large groups staying with us, so all the extra bed sheets are taken up.)

    Guest: “My child threw up on the bed! I need new linens!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we have no more.”

    Guest: “Nonsense! You are supposed to help! It’s your job! Now fetch my linens and don’t be lazy about it!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not kidding. We don’t have any more. How am I supposed to get you some more linens when I don’t have what you need?”

    (The guest yells angrily, so I bring the manager out.)

    Manager: “What’s the problem?”

    Guest: “I’ll tell you what’s the problem! This hotel has no more linens! What kind of hotel has no more linens to give!”

    (My manager takes the angry guest out and walks with him someplace. When she returns, she is alone.)

    Me: “What happened?”

    Manager: “I showed him the lobby, which was full of people. I showed him the pool, which was full of people. Then I showed him the hallways, which were also full of people, and told him that every one of them has asked for linens and we ran out. He got real quiet, grunted, and then ran off to his room!”

    Unaware Of How Unaware He Is

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work at a hotel that accommodates a lot of business travelers during the week. Shortly after checking in a sharply dressed executive type, I get a call from his room.)

    Guest: “Hey, I think your sink is broken. I keep waving my hand in front of the sensor and nothing’s happening.”

    Me: “There is no sensor, sir. Just turn the faucet on.”

    Guest: “Oh! Okay, great! And I can just use these towels to dry my hands, right?”

    Me: “Um… absolutely.”

    Guest: “Great! Thanks!”

    (A few minutes later he calls down again.)

    Guest: “Hi there! Just curious. Is this remote for the TV or something else?”

    Me: “It’s for the TV, sir. There should be a list there of local and premium channels as well.”

    Guest: “Oh good! Just wanted to make sure.”

    (And in another few minutes…)

    Guest: “Hi, sorry to bother you again but I’m expecting a phone call in a little bit. When the phone rings, do I just pick up or…?”

    Tax Mex

    | NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Money

    (I am driving two guests to a convenience store and they are talking about Mexico and taxes.)

    Guest #1: *to Guest #2* “Do they even have taxes in Mexico? Don’t they just pay cash for everything?”

    Driving A Hard Bargain

    | Chennai, India | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I am standing in line at the travel desk of a very nice hotel in Chennai. Just ahead of me is a guest with an accent from somewhere in Britain, but I cannot place it. He is being very abusive toward the young man at the desk.)

    Guest: “I’m not paying your rates for a car. I’m going to hire an auto outside the hotel. You people are thieves”

    Desk Clerk: “Certainly, sir, but how may I help you?”

    Guest: “Write this address down. Write it down in Hindi. I’ll hand it to a driver. I’m not paying you.”

    Desk Clerk: “Yes, sir.”

    (I watch him write down the address from English to Hindi.)

    Me: “I must compliment you. He was very rude and you handled it well.”

    Desk Clerk: “Just doing my job, sir. Thank you.”

    Me: “You did just what he asked…”

    Desk Clerk: *looks up smiling slightly*

    Me:“You wrote it down in Hindi. The local language is Tamil… and what are his chances of finding a literate ‘auto’ driver out there, anyway?”

    Desk Clerk: *smiling broadly* “You have been here before, sir!”

    Biting The Hand That Fees You

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. I want to know if my fee has been waived.”

    Me: “Your fee?”

    Customer: “Yes, my parking fee. I always stay here and you all always waive it for me.”

    Me: “Okay…” *checks computer* “No, your fee is still there.”

    Customer: “This is unacceptable! The check-in guy told me that he would waive it! I want a manager!”

    Me: “Okay, then…”

    (I get a manager and explain the situation. We review the customer’s past stays. So far he has only stayed here four times in the past year. They speak.)

    Manager: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. I need my fee waived! You always do it for me so I should get it!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but if you have parked in the garage—”

    Customer: “I’ve seen you all waive it for others! Why not for me? That’s not fair!”

    Manager: “Well, what about those that have paid?”

    Customer: “What about them?”

    Manager: “It’s unfair to them that they should pay and you don’t.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! As a manager, you should use your initiative and do as I say!”

    Manager: “Sir—”

    Customer: *slaps fist on counter* “As a manager, you should do what I want! Always! The customer is always right!”

    (They argue a lot, with the customer interrupting my manager’s every two words with repeats of, ‘as a manager…’ Finally, seeing that my manager won’t be bullied, he storms off, swearing that he would talk to the general manager later. My manager replies he is free to, and drops his smile when the customer leaves.)

    Manager: “Jerk!”

    (Reason number one million why I would never like to be a manager!)

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