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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    Don’t Assume You Nose Everything

    | Bozeman, MT, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (I have allergies and early spring usually leaves me snuffling and sneezing. Even most meds don’t work well unless they knock me out, which means I can’t take them before work.)

    Customer: “So are you into coke? Because your nose is stuffy.”

    Me: *staring in shock*

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t mean to be rude!”

    Me: “No, it’s allergies. Here are your room keys.”

    (I guess stuffy nose equals illegal drugs.)

    Disturbingly Dense, Part 3

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    Customer: “I’d like to make a complaint. I’ve been here for two nights already, and not once has my room been cleaned! What kind of hotel is this?”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the trouble, ma’am.” *checks with housekeeping* “Ma’am, the housekeeper says that there was a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on your doorknob.”

    Customer: “What? I thought that meant don’t disturb me, not no housekeeping!”

    (I calmly explain it, while she screams for a refund from for not making things clearer. She didn’t get it.)

    Related:
    Disturbingly Dense, Part 2
    Disturbingly Dense

    A Premature Point Of View

    | Courtenay, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work the front desk of a smaller hotel, where all of our rooms face the ocean; meaning the front entrance of the units are motel style in the back, edging onto a wooded area with the sliding glass doors all facing the waters edge. A guest we had just checked about 10 minutes ago comes back to the desk FURIOUS. I overhear the exchange between him and my coworker…)

    Guest: “I was told my room had an OCEAN VIEW! You people are NOT advertising correctly. This is false advertising!”

    Coworker: “Sir, I assure you you ARE in one of our beachfront units. In fact, it really doesn’t get much more ‘beachfront!’”

    Guest: “Yeah, well, I can assure YOU that my room is NOT facing the water! I am not paying this much money to stare at some trees!”

    (At this point we’re all dumbfounded as to why this guest claims his room doesn’t have a view, as it’s physically impossible for it not to. At this point, my coworker clues in.)

    Coworker: “… Sir, did you actually ENTER the room yet?”

    Guest: “No, but the building is surrounded by trees. There’s no ocean or beach in sight!”

    (As soon as the guest actually WENT INTO the room, to his surprise, he found a gorgeous ocean view and had no further complaints!)

    Needs A Room For Improvement

    | Laughlin, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a hotel/casino on graveyard and I am all alone on a busy night. One guest at the end of the line is obviously very upset as she has to wait for about 15 minutes. Another guest, one of our VIPs I’d checked in earlier, walks up and the guest tells her she is been waiting for over an hour and it takes me 30+ minutes to check in one person. The VIP guest defends me, further aggravating the guest.)

    Me: “Hi. Sorry for the wait. What can I do for you?”

    Guest: “It’s about d*** time! I’ve been waiting over an hour and all I need is a f****** room key!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. As you can see, I’m all alone tonight—”

    Guest: “I don’t care if you’re alone! You should have more people here, then! It’s not my fault if you’re understaffed! I just want a f****** key!”

    Me: “Once again, I’m sorry for the wait. Now what is your room number so I can make you a new key?”

    Guest: “I don’t know! 17-something-something.”

    Me: “Do you have your ID?”

    Guest: “You’ve gotta be f****** kidding me!” *flashes her ID from her wallet* “What’s taking so long?! All I need is a f****** key!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m having a hard time finding you in the system. Is there some other name it could be under?”

    Guest: “What? NO! It would be under my name!”

    Me: “Are you sure you’re in the right hotel?”

    Guest: *obviously unsure of herself* “Yeah. Well, I’m pretty sure…”

    Me: “Are you sure you’re not at [Hotel Next Door]?”

    (The guest stomps off without a word, embarrassed.)

    VIP Guest: “She made all that fuss and wasn’t even in the right hotel? She should probably stop drinking.”

    Single Minded Demands

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

    (Sometimes our sales manager gives some of her friends a certificate for a free night’s stay at our hotel. I am checking in such a stay.)

    Customer: “Hello, checking in? The name’s [Customer].”

    Me: “Right, Mrs. [Customer]. I see that this is a free night’s stay? May I see the certificate?”

    Customer: “Right here.” *hands it over*

    Me: “Okay, I see that’s in order. Here are your keys and sign here.”

    (She signs and leaves, waving goodbye. A few minutes later, she comes back with a teen girl in tow.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I’m supposed to have a room with two beds in it. This is a room with only one bed!”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry; let me check the reservation again.” *checks* “Ma’am, the reservation says that a single bed was booked, not two. Furthermore, I’m afraid we don’t have any more two-bed rooms.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! I know the owner, you know. You’re just trying to trick me, because I’m a free stay and I’m not paying!”

    Me: “I don’t see why… uh… anyone would do that.”

    (At this point, I start to get nervous, because our sales manager is married to the owner, so it is possible she’s telling the truth. Fortunately, the teen speaks up.)

    Teen: “Mom! Didn’t you say that you were going alone until I agreed to come with you at the last minute? Doesn’t it make sense then that you would book only a single bed for yourself?”

    Customer: “I… I… It must’ve slipped my mind.”

    (Caught, red-faced, she slinked off with her daughter. A few minutes later, I got a call from her room asking meekly for a cot. I got her one, and reported the incident to the managers. Soon, she is their friend no more, and I never saw her again!)

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