Category: Hotels & Lodging

A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 10

| Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

(We have an elderly guest who stays at the hotel for years and treats it like her own personal nursing home despite the fact that we do not have the manpower or facilities to take care of her. One night I answer the phone to this, I am the only one on staff.)

Me: “Front Desk. This is [My Name].”

Guest: “[My Name]! Come up here and help me.”

Me: *internal sigh* “What can I do for you?”

Guest: “Help me put on my panty hose!”

Me: *knowing what this means, as she’s done similar things before* “I’m sorry, I can’t leave the desk for that.”

Guest: “YOU DO THIS. IS MY MONEY NOT AS GOOD AS EVERYONE ELSE’S?”

Me: “No, [Guest], that’s just not something we can do for you.”

(I hang up and she calls back repeatedly, flooding the phones so I can’t answer any other phone calls or check anyone in. I finally just decide to go up.)

Guest: “FINALLY.”

(She answered the door – naked from the waist down. She handed me a pair of panty hose, which I then dutifully helped her into. This is not the first or last time this has happened.)

Related:
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 9
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 8
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 7

Good Matt Hunting

| Denver, CO, USA | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Movies & TV

Coworker: *to woman who has walked through the door* “Hi there! What can I do for you!”

Woman: “I’m looking for Matt Damon’s room.”

Coworker: *checks computer* “I don’t have anyone under that name… Did you mean the movie star, Matt Damon?”

Woman: “Yes!”

(We are a nice hotel, but not THAT nice.)

Coworker: “I’m pretty sure he’s not here.”

Woman: “But he’s picking me up here! I’m going to call him!”

Coworker: “O… kay.”

(She lets her stay on the couch for a half hour to wait for Matt Damon. A little bit after we switch out, the woman comes back to the front desk.)

Woman: “I’m going to go wait out front for him!”

(She then wandered out the door and into the busy parking lot, and walked aimlessly out into the neighborhood.)

Plenty Of Room For Him To Make A Mistake

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

(I’m working the graveyard shift at a hotel. I am a 22-year-old female. This happens just as I have stepped outside to have a cigarette around 2 am. The man is a 40ish year old who is almost twice my size. He pulls up in a sporty little car.)

Drunk Male: “Ya got any rooms tonight, sweetheart?”

Me: “I’m afraid the hotel is sold out tonight, sir.”

Drunk Male: “Well, throw someone out. I’m a diamond member and you have to give me a room.”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m not throwing anyone out. There’s lodging elsewhere.”

Drunk Male: “The customer is always right, and I’m the customer and I say throw someone out! I want a room.”

(This goes on for a little bit before he gets out of his car. He gets right in my face while towering over me.)

Drunk Male: *jabbing at me, then pulling back a fist like he’s going to hit me* “Look here. I said get me a room!”

Me: “If you’re going to swing at me, you’ve got one chance to connect, then I am going to introduce you to a whole new world of pain before the cops get here.”

(The drunk male pulled his arm back. I just smiled. He looked worried, then got in his car and peeled out. Best part, he cut off a cop on the way out of the lot, so I got to watch him get arrested, his car towed, and my faith in karma restored.)

Acting Stupido

| Dahlgren, VA, USA | Funny Names, Hotels & Lodging

Guest: “Oh, Marla is a pretty name; but it doesn’t sound very Italian.”

Me: “Why would I have an Italian name?”

Guest: “You’re Italian, right? I mean, you look Italian.”

Me: “Nope, not Italian. Mom’s Mexican and Dad is White.”

Guest: “So, you’re kinda Italian?”

Me: “Nope. Not kinda. Not at all.”

Guest: “Well, you should be. You would be a pretty Italian.”

Me: *smiles and hands them their key* “So, since I’m not Italian, I am ugly?”

Won’t Step Foot In Without Square Footing

| USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling. This is the front desk. How may I help?”

Caller: “You can help me by telling me some info on your rooms!”

Me: “Okay, what would you like to know?”

(I’m expecting the usual questions, like how many beds, whether there’s a fridge, etc.)

Caller: “Tell me, what is the square footage of the rooms?”

Me: “Square footage? I don’t… know.”

Caller: “What do you mean? It’s a simple question!”

Me: “Well, it’s the first time I had a question like that. You’ll have to ask the contractor who designed the place, or the owner might know…”

Caller: “Give me them, then! I need to know now!”

Me: “They aren’t here. It’s three am where we are now.”

(The man rants about stupid people, and calling corporate, and me being unhelpful, etc. using foulest language I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard lots. At his pause I speak up.)

Me: “Would you like to book here?”

Caller: *still screaming* “No, I wouldn’t ever want to book there—”

Me: “That’s very good news. We thank you.” *I hang up*

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