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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    The Most Confusing Meal Of The Day

    | Ireland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work in a call centre making reservations for a large hotel chain. A customer has just asked for a particular date in a particular hotel.)

    Me: “I have the standard room for $99, or bed and breakfast for $109. The superior room for $129—”

    Customer: “Wait! So the first two rooms are standard rooms?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So why is the one more expensive?”

    Me: “Well, room only is $99 and if you want breakfast included it is $109.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “If you want to eat breakfast in the morning it’s $10 more.”

    Customer: “I still don’t see why I would pay more for the same room!”

    Me: “You don’t pay more for the room, you pay the extra for the food. You can have just the room for $99 or the room and breakfast at the restaurant for $109.”

    Customer: “I just don’t understand why I should pay more.”

    Me: “I have no idea how else to explain this.”

    (She never made a booking. We were ‘too confusing.’)

    Constant Explain Drain

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Themed Giveaway

    Guest: “I have a question about my bill.”

    Me: “What is your question?”

    Guest: “Why did my rate go up?”

    Me: “Let me see.”

    Guest: “I remember the rate was supposed to stay the same! Now it’s showing me differently. I wanted it changed, and hurry up or I’ll miss my train!”

    (I pull out the guest’s reg card, which clearly has ‘RATE CHANGE’ and the amount printed on it and the guest’s signature on the bottom.)

    Me: “This is your signature? Yes?”

    Guest: “Well… yes…”

    Me: “These initials by the ‘RATE CHANGE’ show that you have acknowledged that there is a rate change in your stay.”

    Guest: “Well… uh… the person who checked me in didn’t EXPLAIN it to me!”

    Me: “But you signed it anyway. You sign things you don’t read?”

    Guest: “THE PERSON WHO CHECKED ME IN WAS RUDE AND DIDN’T EXPLAIN IT TO ME. I MUST HAVE THINGS EXPLAINED TO ME CONSTANTLY!”

    Making A Whole Lot Of Noise About It

    | Champaign, IL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

    (I am calling a room as I’ve had an ‘unusual’ noise complaint. Normally, because of being the overnight shift, I would investigate in person. Given the nature of the complaint I’ve decided to use the hotel phone and call the room. After several minutes, a guest finally answers.)

    Guest: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, sir. This is the front desk. We—”

    Guest: “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS? HOW ABOUT A LITTLE PRIVACY? OR IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?”

    (The guest continues rant for about a minute before winding down.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry about the inconvenience but we have a noise complaint near your room. The… ah, ‘sex noises,’ grunting and moaning, that have been going on for over 30 minutes are keeping other guests up. They are asking you to keep the sex down so they can sleep.”

    (There is eight seconds of dead silence.)

    Me: “Sir, are you still there?”

    Guest: *click*

    (We did not receive another noise complaint!)

    Powerless To Help

    | Wooster, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (There is a horrible ice storm that knocks out the power to almost the entire city. I am passing a room when a customer in only a towel opens her door and catches me.)

    Customer: “I don’t have power.”

    Me: “I know, ma’am. The power is down.”

    Customer: “When will it be up?”

    Me: “I… don’t know? Whenever the power company can get it back up?”

    (The customer huffs at me and goes back in her room. A few minutes later, I am coming out of the laundry room again. The same customer stops me, still in just her towel.)

    Customer: “I need to dry my hair.”

    Me: “I can get you more towels.”

    Customer: *holds up her hair dryer* “I need this.”

    Me: “As I told you, ma’am, there’s no power.”

    Customer: “Well, can I take it up to the front desk?”

    Me: “…ma’am?”

    Customer: “They have plugs, don’t they?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but they have no power. The power is out all over the city.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (The customer closes the door, and opens it again immediately.)

    Customer: “What about the bank?!”

    Me: “The bank…?”

    Customer: “The one across the street! They have power!”

    (I go to the window and look out. The bank and the entire strip it’s part of are dark.)

    Me: “They don’t have power, ma’am.”

    Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! I just need a f****** plug to plug my hair dryer in! Why can’t you just—”

    (A hand falls on her shoulder from in the room and she’s pulled back inside. Her husband sticks his head out and mouths ‘sorry’ at me before shutting the door.)

    His Room Has Been (Tali)Banned

    | Wilmington, NC, USA | Bigotry, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (I am a security guard at an upscale downtown hotel. I am a Caucasian male and the other employee at the desk is our concierge, a third generation American whose parents immigrated from Iraq. A drunk guest comes in and glares at her. He is also a Caucasian.)

    Guest: “Hey, security!”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Guest: “There’s a d*** Muslim at the front desk. You’d better keep an eye on her or she’ll blow us all to h***!”

    Me: “Sir, that is our concierge. She’s not going to blow up her place of work. Now, I think it’s time you go to your room.”

    (The guest leaves only to return two more times ranting about our concierge. On the third time I inform him to go up or he’ll be kicked out. He does not take it well.)

    Guest: “You’re a d*** liberal aren’t you? H***, you’d probably help her plant the d*** bombs!”

    Me: *to the concierge* “Please call the police. We have a trespasser.”

    (The guest ends up getting into a fight with the police, is arrested, and barred from coming back. The concierge and I begin dating a few weeks later and now, three years later, are celebrating our first anniversary!)

    Related:
    Her Number Has Been (Tali)Banned


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