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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    When (Not) In Rome

    | Boston, MA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Thanks for calling [executive car company]. How can I help you?”

    Caller:“I need to make a reservation.”

    Me: “Sure where is the pick up?”

    Caller: “A hotel called the George V?” *she pronounces it like the letter ‘V’* “It’s in Paris, France.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “Oh, wait. It’s called the hotel five!”

    Me: “That makes sense, since the V must be a roman numeral.”

    Caller: “Yeah, V must mean 5 in French. It was confusing to me and you because we are English.”

    Me: “Haha, yeah. That must be it…”

    Can’t Keep Up With The Joneses

    | Annapolis, MD, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “I want to look at my final bill.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Your room number?”

    Customer: *already angry by the question* “331!”

    Me: *looking at the name on the room* “331. Ms. Jones?”

    Customer: “Yeah! What’s the charge?”

    Me: “It’s $434.67.”

    Customer: “What! That’s insane! What did you people do? It should only be a hundred dollars!”

    Me: “Your bill shows a number of movie charges and quite a few items from our market here. It is 331, right, Ms. Jones?”

    Customer: “That’s insane! What did you do?! I knew this was going to happen! I knew you were going to try and cheat us and we wouldn’t know it till we got home!  I read on the internet that hotels always do this! Print that bill up right now! I’m going to sue you with it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about  the confusion, Ms. Jones. Here’s your bill.  Let me get my manager so we can look over this and figure out the problem.”

    (As my manager approaches, she grabs the bill out of my hand so hard she tears part of it.)

    Me: “Here you are, Ms. Jones. And here’s my manager.”

    Customer: *looking at bill* “This isn’t me!”

    Me: “You are not Ms. Jones, in 331?”

    Customer: “No! What is wrong with you?!” *turning to my manager* “Why do you let idiots work here?!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, what is your last name?”

    (The customer rattles off a long, hyphenated name that could not be further from Jones if she tried.)

    Manager: “Then I have to ask why, when my employee asked you if you were Ms. Jones, did you say yes?”

    Customer: “I don’t get paid to know who I am!”

    Unable To Order, Drunken Disorder

    | Alberta, Canada | Hotels & Lodging

    Me: “Hi, what can I do for you this evening?”

    Customer: *visibly intoxicated* “I need a room.”

    (After arguing with her for a good ten minutes about the cost per night, the customer settles on a standard room. A few hours later, she calls.)

    Me: “Front desk.”

    Customer: “My phone isn’t working.”

    Me: “Are you sure?”

    Customer: “Girl I am sure! My phone is not working.”

    Me: “Is it not working when you are trying to dial out? Make sure you’re pressing ’9′ before you dial the number you’re trying to reach.”

    Customer: “No, I know that! I read that. It’s not working. No dial tone, nothing.”

    Me: “Ma’am, aren’t you calling me from the room phone?”

    *Silence for a moment.*

    Customer: “While I’ve got you on here, can you order me ribs?”

    Me: “From the restaurant next door?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m not required to do that. The number for the restaurant is in your guest directory found in the drawer of the desk in your room.”

    Customer: “But my phone isn’t working!”

    Loonie Toonies

    | Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Canada, Hotels & Lodging

    Me: “Good evening, sir. How can I help you?”

    Guest: “I need change for $5.00 so I can leave the maid a tip.”

    (The guest hands me a Canadian $5.00 bill and I open my register and take out a ‘toonie’ and three ‘loonies’ and hand it to the guest.)

    Guest: *blank look* “What is this?”

    Me: “That is change for $5.00.”

    Guest: “Is this real?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Guest: “Are you kidding me?”

    Me: “No, sir. I assure you that is Canadian change for five dollars.”

    Guest: “Is the maid going to understand what this stuff is?”

    Smoking Rate Gets Smokers Irate

    | Tennessee, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    Customer: “I have a smoking fee on my bill but I didn’t smoke in the room!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, the security officer last night saw you with a lit cigarette in your hand when he went to your room last night.”

    Customer: “Well, it wasn’t me! I didn’t smoke last night!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but if anyone smoked in the room last night we have to charge you for it since it was your room.”

    Customer: “But even if it wasn’t me?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Security said that someone was smoking in the room.”

    Customer: “But I put it out right away! I didn’t smoke any more after that!”

    Me: “So you did actually smoke in the room then?”

    Customer: “Can I just pay half the fee since I only smoked half the cigarette?”

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