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    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2

    | Mobile, AL, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    Guest: “So, where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m from Missouri.”

    Guest: “Really?! My wife has some family up there! It’s in Ohio, right?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Guest: “Oh, wait. That’s a state, isn’t it?”

    Related:
    The Great State Of Confusion
    The Great State Of Ignorance

    The Notified And The (Not)ified

    | California, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    Caller: “I have a reservation! I know I have one!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, I don’t appear to have one under your name. Is there another name it could be under?”

    Caller: “NO! I have a reservation!”

    Me: “May I ask how you booked your reservation?”

    Caller: “I don’t know, but I have one!”

    Me: “Okay, did you book it online? Call the hotel or choice? did you come to the hotel and book it?”

    Caller: “No, I didn’t do any of those things but I know I have a reservation.”

    Me: “Could anyone else have made the reservation for you? Perhaps a travel agency?”

    Caller: “No, but I have a reservation! I know I do.”

    Me: “Do you have a confirmation number I could look it up with?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you didn’t book a reservation, and no one booked it for you, I don’t think you could possibly have a reservation. But, I would love to make you a reservation. In fact, I can make it right now. I’ll just need to get some information from you.”

    Caller: “No, I do not give out my information. I have a reservation!” *hangs up*

    Stop And Stair, Part 3

    | Boone, NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    Customer: “What’s up there?” *pointing at the stairs*

    Me: “Those stairs take you to the second floor and the breakfast area.”

    Customer: “So, like, if we walk up those stairs, we’ll be on the second floor?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s generally what happens when you go up stairs.”

    Customer: “That’s so cool! They’ve got stairs and an elevator!”

    Related:
    Stop And Stair, Part 2
    Stop And Stair

    There’s A Vacancy In Your Head

    | Bristol, VA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    Customer: “Do you have any room?”

    Me: “Nope, we’re sold out.”

    Customer: “Is that what the ‘No Vacancy’ sign means?”

    Me: “Why yes…yes it is.”

    Separate, But (Not) Equal

    | Wisconsin, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (I am explaining our different room types to someone who has never stayed with us. The hotel I work for is very small and has a different name for many suites.)

    Me: “And lastly, we have our Supreme and Premiere suites, which are our largest units.”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “They are exactly the same, except the Supreme is on the left side of the hall and the Premiere is on the right side.”

    Customer: “What’s the price difference?”

    Me: “They cost the same.”

    Customer: “Which one is better?”

    Me: “They are exactly the same.”

    Customer: “But which one is better?”

    Me: “They are the same. Just opposite sides of the hall.”

    Customer: “Just tell me which one is better, dear.”

    Me: “The Supreme?”

    Customer: “Thank you! You’ve been such a sweetheart!”

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