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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    The Customer Is Always Fright(ened)

    | Estes Park, CO, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (The Stanley Hotel is a very nice big hotel in town. It is known to be an inspiration to the book/movie “The Shining”. It is also known to be haunted, and even gives ghost tours.)

    Customer: “I demand a refund.”

    Assistant Manager: “I’m sorry, was there a problem with your room?”

    Customer: “Yes! The ghosts in your hotel are mean. I demand a refund.”

    Assistant manager: “I’m sorry, you have already stayed here and had every service our hotel has to offer. I cannot give you a refund. The hotel is known for being haunted, and I am sure you were aware of this going into your visit.”

    Customer: “But the ghosts were mean!”

    Directions, Compliance Not Included

    | Jackson, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work at a hotel. We often get calls asking for directions.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. This is [name], how can I help you?”

    Man: “Yeah, I’m in downtown, just leaving [restaurant]. How do I get there? I need to check in.”

    (I start giving him directions. After a while, he should be on a certain road and very close by.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, so you should be right down the road. If you just keep going straight–”

    Man: “You’re not here. There’s nothing here.”

    Me: “Okay, what businesses do you see?”

    Man: “None, it’s all houses.”

    Me: “There shouldn’t be any houses. Did you turn left at the last corner?”

    Man: “No, I didn’t do any of your turns.”

    Me: “Um, you didn’t turn where I said to? What did you do?”

    Man: “You didn’t sound like you knew what you’re talking about, so when you told me to turn one way, I turned another. Now I’m around a bunch of houses!”

    Me: “Can you tell me what road you’re on? Or if there are any businesses at all?”

    Man: “There are no street signs or businesses!”

    Me: “Sir, we have street signs on all roads. If you just go to a corner and tell me–”

    Man: “There are no street signs at all. Now just get me back!”

    Me: “Sir, I have no idea where you are and if you can’t give me an idea, I can’t get you back here.”

    Man: “There are no street signs. How do I get back?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I have no idea.”

    (That was a few hours before my shift ended. I never saw him and still sometimes wonder if he made it in since I didn’t know his name to check.)

    And He Said, Fiat Lux

    | Malibu, CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (A guest checks into our hotel late at night. About five minutes later, he comes back to the front desk.)

    Guest: “My room’s supposed to have a view of the ocean. I can’t see it. Did you put me in the wrong room?”

    Me: *jokingly* “Well, it is nighttime…”

    Guest: *blank stare*

    Me: “Here, I’ll move you to the other ocean view room.”

    (I move the guest to the other room. Again, he comes back.)

    Guest: “I still can’t see the ocean! I reserved this room specifically for the ocean view!”

    Me: “I do apologize. If you still can’t see the ocean in the morning, we’ll give you a discount.”

    (The guest reluctantly agrees to this and leaves in a huff. However, he does not return the next morning.)

    As White As Our Sheets

    | Durant, OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    Guest: “I think my room might be haunted.”

    Me: “Excuse…me?”

    Guest: “It’s haunted. Can I move to a new room?”

    Me: “Um, yes. I can do that for you.”

    Guest: “Could you check the new room first? Make sure there is no bad energy?”

    Me: “I can try, sir…”

    Call 911: We’ve Got A Serious Case Of Insensitivity

    | Alberta, Canada | Hotels & Lodging

    (I am a supervisor at a hotel in the Canadian Rockies. This particular day, I am on duty alone and on the phone with a caller when this takes place.)

    Guest: *shouting* “Call 911 now!”

    (I glance up from the phone call to see that a guest has collapsed in the lobby.)

    Me, on the phone: “There is an emergency and I need to put you on hold.”

    (I put him on hold to call 911. I alert the paramedics and begin first aid on the fallen guest. In the meantime, my boss goes behind the desk to assist other clients. He notices there is a call on hold and picks up.)

    Boss: “Yes, sir. I understand, sir, however, there is a legitimate emergency taking place in the lobby as I speak which she had to attend to.”

    Caller: *inaudible*

    Boss: “Yes, I understand your time is important, as is your business, however, I am sure you can appreciate why she was called away so abruptly.”

    Caller: *inaudible*

    Boss: “That’s fine, sir, you can have your lawyer contact us if you deem it necessary.”

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