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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    Physically Checked In, Mentally Checked Out

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (I’m almost done checking in a hotel guest and am giving them the customary closing spiel.)

    Me: “We have a full hot buffet breakfast from 6-10 AM, which is included in your room rate. There is wireless internet throughout, with no password needed to log on. The pool, hot-tub, and gym are at the end of the hallway on the first floor here, and is open from 8 AM to 10 PM. Please let me know if you have any questions. Someone is at the desk 24/7.”

    Guest: “Thank you so much. You’ve been so helpful!”

    Me: “Okay, here are your room keys. The room number is written inside and the elevator is around the corner.”

    Guest: “Great, thanks! Oh, I was just wondering, do you have a breakfast?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, we do. It’s from 6-10 AM tomorrow, down here next to the lobby in the breakfast room.”

    (I point to room right next to lobby.)

    Guest: “Okay. Now, I have a laptop. Do you have wireless internet and what’s the password to log on?”

    Me: “Yes, there’s wireless throughout the hotel; there is no password.”

    Guest: “Where’s your gym? Are you open now?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s open until 10 PM. It’s down the hallways.”

    Guest: “Oh, okay. I just wanted to ask everything before you went home for the day because there’s no one here after midnight, I assume.”

    Me: “As I mentioned, there is someone at the desk 24/7.”

    (The guest’s girlfriend/wife, who has been waiting in the car, comes in.)

    Wife: “What’s taking so long?”

    Guest: “I have to ask all these questions because she didn’t tell me anything about the hotel when I checked in!”

    Me: *shakes head and just smiles*

    Guest: “Oh, where’s our room number? You never told me it!”

    Things People Say When Stalling

    | Bozeman, MT, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (I work housekeeping at a hotel. We knock and give the guest a few moments of privacy before we enter.)

    Me: *knocking* “Housekeeping!”

    Guest: “Who’s there?”

    Me: “Housekeeping!”

    Guest: “What kind?”

    Fully Booked, Literally

    | North Carolina, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

    (An older gentleman comes in. I get his ID and other information and begin the check-in process. After I’ve entered everything and tell him that the total is ~$90, he shows me a coupon in a book that he was hiding behind his back.)

    Customer: “I’d like to use the coupon in this book to get the room for $57.99.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we have a limited number of rooms we are able to sell at that rate. Do you happen to be a member of AAA or AARP?”

    Customer: “No, and I want the room at this price! If you’re not going to give it to me for this price, don’t print it in the d*** book!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. I see you’ve never stayed with us before. I can give you a first-time discount, which would bring the price of the room down to $65.”

    Customer: “You will give me the room for $57.99 like it says in the book! Get a real job! Loser kids…” *mumbles*

    Me: “I’m a college student and I work full-time.”

    Customer: “I don’t give a d***! F*** you!” *throws book at me*

    (I duck just in time. The book hits the wall behind me.)

    Me: “Have a great night, sir!”

    You Must Be Smoking

    | BC, Canada | Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (I work in a 100% non-smoking hotel. A lady and her son check in. Ten minutes later, she storms down, son in tow.)

    Lady: “You said we had a non-smoking room! My room smells like smoke.”

    Me: “I assure you, ma’am, that we are a 100% non-smoking hotel. However, it is possible that someone illegally smoked in your room. I would be happy to change you to a different room if you prefer.”

    Lady: “No! We are already unpacked, and it is too much hassle. But my son has lung cancer and he gets very sick if he is anywhere near smoke. You need to discount our room.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not going to discount your room for you. As I mentioned before, I would be happy to help you change rooms into something more satisfactory. We don’t want your son to get sick from the room smell.”

    Lady: *shouting* “I want a free room! You’re going to kill my son!”

    (At this point, my manager comes out and reiterates that we would be happy to move their room, but would not be discounting their stay. The lady leaves in a huff. The next day, I see her outside smoking; her son is sitting forlornly 3 feet away.)

    The Art Of Ignorance

    | Canberra, Australia | Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m working as concierge in a popular hotel in the city. At this time, there is a popular exhibition at the National Art Gallery featuring a number of Renaissance artists. I’ve just sold some tickets to a woman in her 40s.)

    Guest: “Thank you for these. I just love the classics!”

    Me: “Yes, the Renaissance exhibition is getting very popular.”

    Guest: “Still, it’s not as exciting as that French artist…What’s his name? Oh, Machiavelli!”

    Me: *confused* “Oh, you mean Monet?”

    Guest: *angry* “No! I mean MACHIAVELLI! Jeez, why am I even explaining this to a concierge?! It isn’t like you guys even understand what art is!” *walks off haughtily*

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