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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    You Must Be Smoking

    | BC, Canada | Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (I work in a 100% non-smoking hotel. A lady and her son check in. Ten minutes later, she storms down, son in tow.)

    Lady: “You said we had a non-smoking room! My room smells like smoke.”

    Me: “I assure you, ma’am, that we are a 100% non-smoking hotel. However, it is possible that someone illegally smoked in your room. I would be happy to change you to a different room if you prefer.”

    Lady: “No! We are already unpacked, and it is too much hassle. But my son has lung cancer and he gets very sick if he is anywhere near smoke. You need to discount our room.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not going to discount your room for you. As I mentioned before, I would be happy to help you change rooms into something more satisfactory. We don’t want your son to get sick from the room smell.”

    Lady: *shouting* “I want a free room! You’re going to kill my son!”

    (At this point, my manager comes out and reiterates that we would be happy to move their room, but would not be discounting their stay. The lady leaves in a huff. The next day, I see her outside smoking; her son is sitting forlornly 3 feet away.)

    The Art Of Ignorance

    | Canberra, Australia | Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m working as concierge in a popular hotel in the city. At this time, there is a popular exhibition at the National Art Gallery featuring a number of Renaissance artists. I’ve just sold some tickets to a woman in her 40s.)

    Guest: “Thank you for these. I just love the classics!”

    Me: “Yes, the Renaissance exhibition is getting very popular.”

    Guest: “Still, it’s not as exciting as that French artist…What’s his name? Oh, Machiavelli!”

    Me: *confused* “Oh, you mean Monet?”

    Guest: *angry* “No! I mean MACHIAVELLI! Jeez, why am I even explaining this to a concierge?! It isn’t like you guys even understand what art is!” *walks off haughtily*

    Misery Demands Company, Part 3

    | Santa Rosa, NM, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (A guest approaches the check-in window at 5:30 a.m.)

    Me: “Good morning! How are you?”

    Guest: “My wife wants to use the bathroom. She’s in there now.”

    Me: “Oh, alright, no problem! If there’s anything I can help you with, let me know.”

    Guest: “Are you happy?”

    Me: “Yes I am, sir! I’m always happy.”

    Guest: “Well, you shouldn’t be! It’s too early! Stop smiling! Now!”

    Related:
    Misery Demands Company, Part 2
    Misery Demands Company

    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2

    | Mobile, AL, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    Guest: “So, where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m from Missouri.”

    Guest: “Really?! My wife has some family up there! It’s in Ohio, right?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Guest: “Oh, wait. That’s a state, isn’t it?”

    Related:
    The Great State Of Confusion
    The Great State Of Ignorance

    The Notified And The (Not)ified

    | California, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    Caller: “I have a reservation! I know I have one!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, I don’t appear to have one under your name. Is there another name it could be under?”

    Caller: “NO! I have a reservation!”

    Me: “May I ask how you booked your reservation?”

    Caller: “I don’t know, but I have one!”

    Me: “Okay, did you book it online? Call the hotel or choice? did you come to the hotel and book it?”

    Caller: “No, I didn’t do any of those things but I know I have a reservation.”

    Me: “Could anyone else have made the reservation for you? Perhaps a travel agency?”

    Caller: “No, but I have a reservation! I know I do.”

    Me: “Do you have a confirmation number I could look it up with?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you didn’t book a reservation, and no one booked it for you, I don’t think you could possibly have a reservation. But, I would love to make you a reservation. In fact, I can make it right now. I’ll just need to get some information from you.”

    Caller: “No, I do not give out my information. I have a reservation!” *hangs up*

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