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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    The Diva Is Always Right

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging

    (At the hotel where I work, we’ve had an influx of stolen credit cards and IDs recently. So, my manager is very strict about only allowing valid state issued ID. A guest calls in one night.)

    Guest: “I’m over here at [another hotel chain]. I just flew in from Spain, but my purse got stolen and this jacka*** won’t let me get a room! I don’t mean to brag, but I’m a millionaire. Can I check in at your hotel instead?”

    Me: “Not without a valid state issued ID, ma’am.”

    Guest: “Oh, so I guess I’m going to have to buy your hotel as well?! You’d better watch out, b****, because I’m going to buy your hotel! You’ve just pissed off THE DIVA! You’ve just been DIVAFIED!” *hangs up*

    The DST Fairy Bids Thee Good Morning

    | Grapevine, TX, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Math & Science

    (I am working in guest care at a hotel. It’s the morning after “springing forward”, and a guest calls down to ask the time.)

    Guest: “What’s the current local time?”

    Me: “It is 7:45 AM.”

    Guest: “Then why does my clock say that time already? Did you send a maid into my room while I was sleeping to set my clock forward?! That is just unacceptable!”

    Me: “Sir, the rooms all have atomic clocks that are automatically set by satellite signal.”

    Guest: *click*

    Checking Out On Capitalism

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Money

    (This is graduation week for the college that is a couple blocks away, so our rates are higher than they usually are for this week. Our rates are about 30 dollars less than the average rate of next closest hotel to campus.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I would like a room with two beds for May 11th-14th.”

    Me: “Sure, that will be $119 plus tax per night.”

    Caller: “What?! That’s ridiculous! I stayed there last month, and it was only $79!”

    Me: “Well, our rates do fluctuate based on what is going in the area. Supply and demand, you know?”

    Caller: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, more people want hotel rooms, so the price goes up. That’s how businesses make money.”

    Caller: “But you’re a hotel, not a business! I refuse to stay at a place where you jack up the rates to screw people over!” *hangs up*

    Less Than Or Equal To Dumb

    | Portland, OR, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Math & Science

    Guest: “We have a party of six. Will that fit in your hotel’s van?”

    Me: “Well, our hotel van has room for eleven.”

    Guest: *blank stare*

    Me: “So, your party of six will fit.”

    Guest: “Oh! Good.”

    Jacket Of All Trades

    | State College, PA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (For a small period of time during training for a new job, I worked 2nd shift at a chain hotel, then immediately worked 3rd shift at my new job at a four-star hotel. A guest returns to my desk a few minutes after checking in at the chain hotel.)

    Guest: “This hotel is not acceptable! My room looks nothing like I saw on the website! There’s no way I’m staying here!”

    Me: “I’m sorry we don’t meet your standards, ma’am. I would be glad to check you out at no fee.”

    Guest: “Good! I’m going to find a place to stay that’s actually acceptable!”

    (She storms off. Later that evening, I go to my 3rd shift job. All I need to do is put on a suit jacket over the shirt and tie I have on for the 1st job. Skip ahead to about 6:30 AM the next morning. The same guest approaches me at the front desk of the four-star hotel.)

    Guest: *without recognizing me* “Checking out.”

    Me: “You made the right choice, ma’am.”

    Guest: “Excuse me?”

    (I open my suit jacket a bit to show her the name tag I still have on underneath, from the first hotel, clearly displaying its logo.)

    Me: “I hope everything was better for you here instead, ma’am. I prefer it more, too.”

    Guest: *clearly embarrassed* “Oh, yeah, it was. Thanks.”

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