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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    Doctor’s Disorders

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (It is around three in the morning when I take a phone call.)

    Me: “Front desk.”

    Guest: “Help! My husband is feeling very sick. He needs a doctor!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have any doctors in the hotel. Shall I call him an ambulance?”

    Guest: *suspiciously* “And just where is this ‘ambulance’ going to take him?”

    Me: “Um, to the hospital…”

    Guest: “…”

    Me: “…where there are doctors?”

    Guest: “Oh. Okay, then.”

    Should Have Called It A Night

    | Scotland, UK | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque, Underaged

    (I’m 14, working in the kitchen of a local pub/inn. I arrive at work one day and go to sign in, behind the reception desk in the front hall. A customer comes in and assumes I’m working on the front desk.)

    Customer: “Hey! How much are rooms?”

    Me: “Depending on which rooms are available, anywhere from £35-65 a night—”

    Customer: “No, how much for an hour?”

    (He winks at me. Being 14, I don’t understand what he’s getting at.)

    Me: “Pardon? The rooms are priced for a night—”

    Customer: “Yeah, but how much for you and a room for an hour?”

    (I am beyond confused at this point when the manager, a stocky guy with a shaved head, tattooed arms and a strong Glaswegian accent appears from the dining room, right behind the guy.)

    Manager: “CAN I HELP YOU!?”

    (The customer jumped about a foot in the air, saw my manager, and bolted out the door. My manager refused to tell me what the guy was talking about (and I didn’t realise for another couple of years), just told me to run and get him or the chef if I saw the guy again.)

    Transcontinental Breakfast

    | Cumberland County, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

    (I work the front desk night shift at our hotel, and one of my duties is to set up breakfast and make sure it is fully stocked until I clock out in the morning. I’m a young transgender woman and I’ve only informed the general manager of that fact. As far as I know neither my coworkers nor any guests can tell. I am restocking the sausage patties when this happens.)

    Guest: “Oh, so you’re the one who cooks up all the breakfast, eh?”

    Me: *smiles* “Yup, that’s me!”

    (I quickly break away from the encounter to wrap up my shift. Soon enough my coworker is just about ready to let me go for the day, when the same guest from before passes by, spots me, and smiles.)

    Guest: “There’s the sausage queen!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Coworker: *chuckles* “Sorry, the 12-year-old in me just had to laugh at that!”

    Me: “They may never know just how funny that truly was.”

    Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver

    | CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Religion, Top

    (A former guest calls on phone.)

    Guest: “Hello. My son’s basketball team stayed there yesterday and apparently my son left his sneakers and all of his clothes in the room.”

    Agent: “Ah, yes. I see a bag here the housekeepers dropped off. You will need to contact a next day mail service, have them send us a pre-paid shipping box, and we will have them sent to you.”

    Guest: “WHAT!? I HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!? You should just sent them to me! Everywhere I’ve ever stayed at before sent things to me I that left behind! This is outrageous!”

    Agent: “I’m sorry, ma’am. This is our hotel’s policy.”

    (The guest slams down phone, but calls back five minutes later.)

    Guest: “I’m sorry I got so upset. You see, I am a Christian missionary on a charity mission and I have very little disposable funds. Please call your boss and kindly ask him to pay for the shipping and tell him to consider it an act of charity. Thankyougodblessyoujesuspleaseplease.”

    (I call the hotel owner, the most frugal man I have ever met and a devout Hindu.)

    Owner: “Call her back tell her we will be very happy to drop her son’s clothes off at a nearby homeless shelter and she and Jesus can feel very good about the clothes being given to people more needy than herself. A wonderful act of charity on her part.”

    (I tell the guest:)

    Guest: “I’ll send the box…”

    Stupidity Is On Fire Today

    | TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (I and my brother work in a motel. We use traditional metal keys instead of the card keys you often see these days. The locks are old and sometimes door locks can be reluctant to open and you have to jiggle them a little. One day an angry man comes in while we’re working.)

    Customer: “My key doesn’t work! It won’t turn in the lock!”

    Brother: “Yes, sir, sometimes the keys can do that. Try this one.”

    (My brother hands him another key. The customer comes back in shortly thereafter.)

    Customer: “The key you gave me didn’t work either!”

    Brother: “All right, sir. Let me take another one down there and try to unlock the door for you.”

    (My brother goes to the man’s room with him with both keys he had and yet another one. Upon testing all three keys, not one of them gives him any issue at all opening the door. Nonetheless, my brother leaves the newest key with him and tells him that if he has any more trouble, to come back to the office. Later that day, surely enough the man returns.)

    Customer: “YOUR D*** KEYS STILL DON’T WORK! I can’t believe this s***! What if there was a fire?!”

    (My brother and I look at one another trying not to laugh, to which I respond.)

    Me: “Well, sir… if there were a fire, I hope you would be trying to get out of the motel, not in.”

    (The customer looks back at us, turns red-faced, and calms down after that. We take him back to his room and let him in once more. After that we don’t hear from him again.)

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