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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    Need To Go Quebec And Get Her

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Hotels & Lodging

    (It is 7:15 am when the phone rings.)

    Me: “Front desk?”

    (A female guest in her 40s with a British accent answers:)

    Guest: “I need to make a local call. How much do you charge?”

    Me: “Local calls are free!”

    Guest: “Great! How do I make a local call?”

    Me: “Dial eight, and then the number you need.”

    Guest: “The number starts with 649. Is that what all local numbers start with?”

    Me: “Um, the number should start with either 438 or 514 for most local numbers.”

    Guest: “Well, I need to call my mother at the Best Western… Oh wait, here is says 1-418-649—”

    Me: “Uh, 418 is to call Quebec City and the surrounding area. Are you sure you have the right hotel?”

    Guest: “Yes… Best Western City Centre, on Rue de la Courone.”

    Me: “That is in Quebec City. Quebec City will be a long distance phone call, so there will be a charge of 0.75$/min.”

    Guest: “Wait, WHAT?! I THOUGHT WE WERE IN QUEBEC CITY! WHERE ARE WE? DID THEY SEND HER TO A DIFFERENT STATE OR SOMETHING?”

    Me: “You are in Montreal. Quebec City is still in the same province, but it is about 2.5 hours away…”

    Guest: “MY MOTHER IS 2.5 HOURS AWAY?! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY–”  *click*

    All Smoke, No Mirrors

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Technology

    (A guest I checked in less than two hours ago is walking up to the front desk with all her luggage, ready to leave.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Guest: “I want to check out!”

    Me: “Is everything all right? I see you are checking out early.”

    Guest: “I don’t want to talk about it; I want a receipt stating that I have a zero balance.”

    Me: “All right, one moment. Let me get your receipt out of the back. My printer is down.”

    (I come back a few seconds later with her receipt.)

    Me: “Are you sure everything is all right? You seem upset and I don’t want you leaving upset.”

    Guest: “Yes, actually, you can tell your people I do not appreciate them recording me while I am sleeping!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

    Guest: “There was a little red light flashing above my bed!”

    Me: “Oh! You mean the smoke detector. That isn’t a recording device.”

    Guest: “You don’t think I know the difference between a smoke detector and a recording device?! I know that if there is a blinking red that means the camera is on and recording! So please delete any footage you have of me.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am really sorry. I promise you we do not have recording devices in our guests rooms. It honestly was a smoke detector.”

    Guest: “IT WAS NOT A SMOKE DETECTOR!”

    The Mother (Nature) Of Stupid Complaints

    | GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Pets & Animals

    (I’m a night auditor, and the only staff member on duty. I see that the office phone is being rung from a room that has only just checked in:)

    Me: “Front desk. How may I help you?”

    Irate Guest: “How dare you rent me this room! There are bugs! Oh, my God! Bugs!”

    Me: “I’m so very sorry, ma’am. The exterminator comes regularly to prevent this sort of thing, and we have an excellent housekeeping department, but this being Georgia, and the rooms opening to the outside, sometimes it happens. Would you like to move to a different room, or would you prefer a refund?”

    Irate Guest: “Well, a different room won’t do me any good. The bugs are all over the place outside. In the shrubs and around the lights and just everywhere!”

    Me: “Wait. You called to complain because there are bugs outdoors?”

    Irate Guest: “Yes! I’ve never seen such horrible things in my life!”

    Me: “Ma’am, your registration information shows me that you live in Florida. I’ve been to Florida. Y’all have bugs.”

    Irate Guest: “I just want a refund.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t give you a refund based on the fact that you think we should remove bugs from the great outdoors. You can talk to the manager in the morning.”

     

    (The guest slammed the phone down. Minutes later, I saw her car speed out of the parking lot. I briefed the owner/manager the following morning. We had a good laugh, and an even better one after guest came back to demand her refund.)

    Vacationing At The School Of Repetition

    , | UK | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Money

    (The phone rings.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, School of Medicine, how may I help you.”

    Caller: “Yes, my credit card number is 574…”

    Me: “Excuse me, why are you giving me your credit card number?”

    Caller: “I’m paying my room bill.”

    Me: “Your… room bill? We don’t take any outside bookings for our teaching rooms…”

    Caller: “No, no, no, the room I was staying in.”

    Me: *realisation hitting* “Oh. I think you might have the wrong number, sir. This is the School of Medicine, part of [University].”

    Caller: “… you’re not the Hilton Hotel?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    Caller: “Oh.”

    (He hangs up. I put the receiver down, and I’m just about to turn to my colleagues and comment on the strange call I just received when the phone goes again.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, School of Medicine. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Good afternoon. My credit card number is 574…”

    Me: “Um, sorry, sir, but you’ve dialled the wrong number again; you’re through to the School of Medicine.”

    Caller: “What? Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I’m sure.”

    Caller: “Oh.”

    (He hangs up again. I turn to my colleagues and manage to say ‘that was weird,’ when the phone goes again.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, School of Medicine.”

    Caller: “Oh, you’re joking!”

    Me: “Hello again, sir. No, you’re definitely ringing the wrong number.”

    Caller: “But it can’t be. I put the number in right the first time!”

    Me: “The first time? The first time you got through to me?”

    Caller: “Yes!”

    Me: “And did you try putting the number in again the other times?”

    Caller: “Well, of course not. That’s why I have redial on my phone!”

    (At this point, I have to look up, remove the phone from my ear and breathe deeply through my nose in order not to break into convulsions of laughter.)

    Me: “Sir, do you have something with the Hilton Hotel’s number on it?”

    Caller: “Yes, I have their booking confirmation.”

    Me: “Can you tell me the number?”

    Caller: “Yes, it’s 9079 XXXX.”

    Me: “I see the problem. Our number is 9097 XXXX. You need to hang up again and dial the correct number this time.”

    Caller: “Oh.” *click*

    (It took me nearly a minute after he hung up the final time before I managed to start telling my colleagues what had just happened.)

    Related:

    Laziness Is The Father Of Repetition

    A Sad Depiction Of Eviction

    | NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work second shift front desk at an extended stay [Brand] hotel. Of 140+ rooms we have only a couple of two bedroom suites, the largest of our [Brand]’s suites.)

    Caller: “Are you owned or managed by [Some Company]?”

    Me: “No we are owned by [Company #1] and managed by [Company #2].”

    (I never get asked this.)

    Caller: “I’m interesting in seeing the two bedroom suite.”

    Me: “Sure, if you can come by tomorrow I can have someone show you the room.”

    Caller: “Could I see it tonight? I want to stay for three months. I’ll have [Related Brand] hotel shuttle drop me off.”

    Me: “The room hasn’t been cleaned yet…”

    Caller: “That is okay.”

    (It being a Sunday night with only a few check-ins left, I figure it would be okay if I took 15 minutes to land a three-month stay in our most expensive room.)

    Me: “Great, I’ll show you the room when you arrive.”

    (The shuttle drops them off.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Hotel].”

    Caller: “You aren’t owned or operated by [Company #3], are you?”

    Me: “Nope!”

    (I’m getting a bit worried about this; nobody asks this question or is so interested. I show them the room and they tell me about how they need more chairs, a desk for their son, etc. They come across as very needy. This does not bode well.)

    Caller: “We will be living here until our house is ready, and we will need to use the van to pick up our son from school and to do errands.”

    (Red flag: They have a house under construction but they don’t own a car!)

    Me: “For all these things especially the extra furniture and preferential van scheduling will need management approval.”

    Caller: “Okay, let’s book this and your manager can get back to us.”

    Me: “Great, I just need a [Loyalty Card] number and a credit card.”

    Caller: “Okay here is the [Loyalty Card] number and let me read you the CC number.”

    (With confirmation number in hand they called Related Brand hotel and got the shuttle back. At this point I checked their Loyalty Card history. They had been in two hotels for 12 months. I wanted to know why they are changing hotels and what is going on and what they aren’t telling me. I left a note for my manager to call Related Brand hotel and find out why they are leaving. My manager called the other hotel. No sooner did she say the guest’s name, the other manager burst into tears. In New Jersey, if you live in a hotel long enough, you are entitled to protection under the eviction laws. That means the hotel has to take you to court if you haven’t paid your bill. For the first 60 days they paid on time and in full but as soon as the eviction rules kicked in they stopped paying. As a result the hotel had impounded their car. The hotel, having had them evicted, was in the process of extracting money owed for the room, totalling something like $80k. The family was also being investigated by the FBI for committing wire fraud from the hotel’s business center. Naturally my manager cancelled their reservation and I got a $20 gift card to Olive Garden for saving us tens of thousands of dollars of pain. If they hadn’t been so d*** needy we wouldn’t have known until it was too late!)

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