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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    This Troll Should Have Stuck At Home

    | Ohio, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (There is a large anime convention at our hotel. During these conventions, many guests dress up as their favorite characters. Some even go all-out and will wear body paint or mascot suits, carry fake weapons, etc. Even during these conventions, non-convention goers stay in the hotel. I am working the front desk and am approached by a very angry guest.)

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Guest: “Kick these d***ed freaks out of this hotel! They’re disturbing my children!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. The event is already going on, and all of these people have paid to attend.”

    Guest: “They’re disturbing my children! They have weapons! They’re dangerous freaks!”

    Me: “We wouldn’t allow real weapons on the convention floor. All weapons have been checked, and all of them are props. I can assure you that no one here will harm your children with their weapons.”

    Guest: “You’re lying! You’re just covering up for this… cult! It’s a cult of dangerous freaks with weapons!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no cult activity.”

    Guest: “If it’s not a cult, then why are they painted grey? And why are they wearing devil horns? They’re the headmasters of the cult!” *motions to a nearby group in costume*

    Me: “They’re in costumes. This is an anime convention. Many people dress up in costumes. That group is dressed up as characters from [popular webcomic]. They’re not a cult.”

    Guest: “You’re lying! They’re a devil-worshipping cult! They’re going to wait until midnight, then sacrifice all the virgins to Satan!”

    Me: “Actually, the only thing happening at midnight tonight is the convention’s dance.”

    Guest: “A dance with the devil! You even admitted it! They’re a cult of devil-worshippers!”

    Me: “I never said that.”

    Guest: “And them, over there! In the animal costumes!” *motions to a group of people in mascot suits* “They’re going to perform strange sex acts on innocent people at the cult meeting tonight! How dare you let this happen?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you would listen to me—”

    (There is now a long line of people waiting to be helped behind her, most of whom look upset with the way this guest is talking.)

    Guest: *turns around to the people in line* “Don’t check into this hotel! They let crazy cults of devil-worshippers bring weapons in to sacrifice virgins and then have sex!” *runs off*

    Next Guest in line: “…Heh. Normal people are funny. Can I please have some extra towels?”

    Seoul Much For That Brilliant Idea

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Love/Romance, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a caucasian female working as a concierge in a hotel in Chicago, but I grew up in Korea. This particular group of guests has been causing havoc their entire stay, stealing items and bothering other patrons in the halls. One night, the television in the lounge has been smashed, so my boss calls the police on them. They are sitting on the sofa while the officer is trying to get their details. Before every answer, the guests converse amongst themselves in Korean.)

    Officer: “Where are you boys from?”

    Guest #1: *in Korean* “Tell him we’re from Japan!”

    Guest #2: “Uh, Japan. Yeah.”

    Me: *in perfect Korean* “You guys better tell him the truth. He’s going to find out anyway.”

    (They are in shock. But before they sputter out an excuse, the policeman says…)

    Officer: *in perfect Korean* “That’s okay. We’ll get it from their passports.”

    (And that was how I met my now fiancé. The guests, by the way, spent the rest of the night at HIS workplace instead of mine.)

    Not Always Rights

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m the front office manager of an upscale hotel.)

    Me: “Good morning, I am the manager on duty. I heard that you wanted to speak with me?”

    Customer: “Yes! There were long lines for the elevators this morning, and it caused me to miss breakfast with the rest of my group!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, today we have about 600 people checking out, and if they all attempt to leave at the same time that could cause some waits for the elevators.”

    Customer: “Well, what are you going to do for me?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we really cannot control when our guests decide to come and go. The hotel did not cause your misfortune, so I really cannot compensate you.”

    Customer: “What do you mean you can’t control when they come and go? You booked all of these people up! You knew they would be leaving on the same day! Why did you let them all leave on the same day?”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I explained, we have no way of telling our guests when they are allowed to leave. I’m sorry you missed your breakfast, but the best that I can do is offer you my apologies.”

    Customer: “You have to give me something! I read online that if you complain about anything at a hotel, they have to give you something! IT’S THE LAW!”

    Everything’s Backward In Texas

    | Texas, USA | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [name of hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, this is going to be my first trip to Texas and I need to know a few things.”

    Me: “Of course, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Okay, you all have beds, right? Or do we sleep in hay?”

    Me: “Um, we have both full size and queen beds in our rooms.”

    Caller: “Okay, good! Now, what about air condition? I hear it’s hot in Texas.”

    Me: “All our rooms have air conditioners along with fans.”

    Caller: “Okay, good. Now what about ice? You do have ice in Texas, right?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do have ice.”

    Caller: “Great! You guys have finally caught up with the times. Thank you!” *hangs up*

    Hot Tub Size Machine

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (I work as a lifeguard at a swimming pool in a hotel. On the pool deck, we also have a large hot tub. As a rule, kids aren’t allowed in the tub for more than 15 minutes due to health hazards. I notice a kid, no older than six, who has been in the tub longer than 15 minutes.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, young man, but you are going to have to get out of the hot tub now.”

    Kid: “No!”

    Kid’s Mom: “Sweety, you need to come back in the pool now. The nice lady said that you had to get out.”

    Kid: “I don’t wanna!”

    (His mom gives me this lost, “no clue what to do” look.)

    Me: “Hey, I know you are a big, strong, tough guy and all, and you can probably handle a lot worse than me. However, I gotta tell you: the thing about these hot tubs is that they stunt your growth.”

    Kid: *worried* “What does that mean?”

    Me: “It means that you shrink. I remember when I was your age, I hung out in a hot tub for twenty minutes, and I shrank to the size of a Barbie doll. Never did grow back to my original size, either.”

    (The kid looks more than a little worried now, but obviously still doesn’t want to get out.)

    Me: “…And to be honest, you look a little smaller than you did when you first got in.”

    (I have never seen someone get out of a hot tub so fast in my life.)

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