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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    Someone Freed Willy

    | College Station, TX, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

    (I am a manager at a local hotel. I’m manning the phones.) 

    Me:” Thank you for calling [hotel name], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello, I stayed at your hotel last weekend. I just wanted to let you know that there was a man without his pants on at the pool area.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you had to witness that, sir.”

    Caller: “Oh, it’s no problem. It was just awkward because his ‘willy’ was hanging.” 

    Me: “Sir?”

    Caller: “Well, it must have been a 10-incher because my wife is still talking about it ’til this day!”

    Disturbingly Dense, Part 2

    | Michigan, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (We are a small hotel in an even smaller town. Because of our size, we only have housekeeping until about 1 pm. After that, the front desk can stock towels and things, but we don’t fully clean the room.)

    Guest: “We left at 9:30 this morning to go out for the day. It is now 12:50 and we still don’t have maid service!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. We can have housekeeping come up immediately and clean that for you.”

    Guest: “Absolutely not! We will be here for an hour. Then you can get in!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, sir, we do not have 24 hour housekeeping service. Housekeeping is not offered after 1 pm.”

    Guest: “But we put out our sign!”

    Me: “The sign on the inside of the door? Your ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign?”

    (Upon saying this, the guest realizes that they are in error.)

    Guest: “Well, yeah… but they should’ve know we weren’t in here!”

    Me: “If there is a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign up, sir, they are not supposed to disturb you.”

    Guest: “You are incompetent! I demand to speak to a manager!”

    Me: “You’re speaking to her, sir.”

    Guest: *click*

    Related:
    Disturbingly Dense

    How About We Show You The Door

    | England, UK | Hotels & Lodging, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I overhear this as I’m checking in to a hotel in England.)

    Guest: *with an American accent* “You chauvinistic pig! I can open doors by myself, you know!”

    Employee: “Madam, I’m the doorman…”

    This Troll Should Have Stuck At Home

    | Ohio, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (There is a large anime convention at our hotel. During these conventions, many guests dress up as their favorite characters. Some even go all-out and will wear body paint or mascot suits, carry fake weapons, etc. Even during these conventions, non-convention goers stay in the hotel. I am working the front desk and am approached by a very angry guest.)

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Guest: “Kick these d***ed freaks out of this hotel! They’re disturbing my children!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. The event is already going on, and all of these people have paid to attend.”

    Guest: “They’re disturbing my children! They have weapons! They’re dangerous freaks!”

    Me: “We wouldn’t allow real weapons on the convention floor. All weapons have been checked, and all of them are props. I can assure you that no one here will harm your children with their weapons.”

    Guest: “You’re lying! You’re just covering up for this… cult! It’s a cult of dangerous freaks with weapons!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no cult activity.”

    Guest: “If it’s not a cult, then why are they painted grey? And why are they wearing devil horns? They’re the headmasters of the cult!” *motions to a nearby group in costume*

    Me: “They’re in costumes. This is an anime convention. Many people dress up in costumes. That group is dressed up as characters from [popular webcomic]. They’re not a cult.”

    Guest: “You’re lying! They’re a devil-worshipping cult! They’re going to wait until midnight, then sacrifice all the virgins to Satan!”

    Me: “Actually, the only thing happening at midnight tonight is the convention’s dance.”

    Guest: “A dance with the devil! You even admitted it! They’re a cult of devil-worshippers!”

    Me: “I never said that.”

    Guest: “And them, over there! In the animal costumes!” *motions to a group of people in mascot suits* “They’re going to perform strange sex acts on innocent people at the cult meeting tonight! How dare you let this happen?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you would listen to me—”

    (There is now a long line of people waiting to be helped behind her, most of whom look upset with the way this guest is talking.)

    Guest: *turns around to the people in line* “Don’t check into this hotel! They let crazy cults of devil-worshippers bring weapons in to sacrifice virgins and then have sex!” *runs off*

    Next Guest in line: “…Heh. Normal people are funny. Can I please have some extra towels?”

    Seoul Much For That Brilliant Idea

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Love/Romance, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a caucasian female working as a concierge in a hotel in Chicago, but I grew up in Korea. This particular group of guests has been causing havoc their entire stay, stealing items and bothering other patrons in the halls. One night, the television in the lounge has been smashed, so my boss calls the police on them. They are sitting on the sofa while the officer is trying to get their details. Before every answer, the guests converse amongst themselves in Korean.)

    Officer: “Where are you boys from?”

    Guest #1: *in Korean* “Tell him we’re from Japan!”

    Guest #2: “Uh, Japan. Yeah.”

    Me: *in perfect Korean* “You guys better tell him the truth. He’s going to find out anyway.”

    (They are in shock. But before they sputter out an excuse, the policeman says…)

    Officer: *in perfect Korean* “That’s okay. We’ll get it from their passports.”

    (And that was how I met my now fiancé. The guests, by the way, spent the rest of the night at HIS workplace instead of mine.)

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