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  • His Attitude Speaks Volumes
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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    At Lagerheads, Part 3

    | Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work the night shift at an upscale long-term stay hotel. I am delivering all the bills underneath the doors when I encounter a guest holding two beers and a water from my market in the lobby. State law prohibits me from selling alcohol of any kind after midnight.)

    Guest: “Hi. Do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes, I do, sir. How may I help you?”

    Guest: “I just wanted to let you know, I got these from the market. I left a note to charge them to my room, 235.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but I cannot charge those beers. I actually have to take them back, as I’m not allowed to sell alcohol after midnight.”

    Guest: “It’s not that long after midnight.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s almost two in the morning. It’s actually state law, not company policy, so my hands are really tied. Again, I’m sorry.”

    Guest: “Just charge them in the morning.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I really can’t do that. It’s because we sell the beer retail; we don’t serve it.”

    Guest: “This is ridiculous. I’m taking the beers. You can do it just this once. I won’t tell anyone.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry. I have you on camera taking the beer. It would show up on my shift audit, which my manager reviews daily. If I let you take that I will lose my job.”

    Guest: “That’s not my problem; you should have been there when I was taking them out of the cooler.”

    Me: “Sir, if you don’t give me those beers, I’ll be forced to return to my desk and call the police.”

    Guest: “What?! Why?!”

    Me: “You didn’t pay for those beers, and you’re being very belligerent about breaking state law. I know your room number, which means I know your name and have a copy of your ID on file. I suggest you reconsider how thirsty you really are.”

    (He gave me the beers.)

    Related:
    At Lagerheads, Part 2
    At Lagerheads

    He Has A Potty Dance But No Potty Mouth

    | Washington, DC, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (A well-dressed businessman in a suit comes over to check in. He’s acting very strangely; he’s jumping down on one leg, then the other, and twirling around. His face is red and sweaty, though it’s not a very hot day, and he is panting slightly. I figure he’s just weird, and give him his keys. He SPRINTS off. I turn to a coworker.)

    Me: “What was his problem? Why was he acting like that?”

    Coworker: “Like what?”

    Me: “You saw him.”

    Coworker: “Oh, he probably had to go to the bathroom or something.”

    Me: “Oh! Well why didn’t he say so? There are bathrooms down here in the lobby.”

    (Suddenly, the same customer is back. His face is now purple.)

    Customer: “KEYS! NOT WORKING!”

    (He throws the keys in my face, and sprints off towards the lobby bathrooms.)

    Coworker: “See?”

    An Upgrade Is In Her Suite Dreams

    | MI, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals

    (Our hotel rules state that while pets are not allowed, we make exceptions for service animals. A blind guest checks in with his Seeing Eye dog. I ask my coworker to take care of him, as I have a slight pet allergy. Not more than an hour later, another guest comes rushing towards me at the front desk, gasping and wheezing terribly.)

    Guest: “There…” *gasps* “…is …a f****** dog in the hotel!”

    Me: “Yes, it belongs to a man who’s legally blind.”

    Guest: *coughs* “You said on your website that you don’t allow pets! I demand to be moved! I have severe allergies!” *gasps for breath* “That d*** mutt could kill me!”

    (I’m stumped by this, as the guest in front of me is in a room on the second floor, while we checked the man with the service dog in on a room on the opposite end of the third floor. Nevertheless, she looks to be in a bad state, so I do my best to help.)

    Me: “Well we can certainly do that. I have another single bedroom on the fourth floor, far away from where there’ll be any—”

    Guest: “No!” *coughs* “I want a suite! I deserve a free room at least for having my life endangered like this!”

    (She grabs the desk and dramatically clutches her throat.)

    Guest: “Merciful Jesus…” *gasp* “…can’t f****** breathe!”

    Me: “Ma’am, why don’t you sit down while I call 911. Where in your room do you have your medication, so we can at least give you something to help while we wait?”

    Guest: “Medication? I don’t have any medication.”

    Me: “Your allergies are so severe that you’re suffering an attack, despite not even being on the same floor as the person with the dog. Yet you don’t have anything to help treat your condition?”

    (The guest noticeably stops with all the coughing and gasping, and looks at me.)

    Me: “I myself suffer from pet allergies, albeit minor ones. Even I had to go in the back and take something when that man came to check in with his dog.”

    Guest: “So… you’re not going to give me a free suite?”

    Me: “The only ones currently available are on the third floor. If anything, you’d be exposing yourself to even greater danger by being in closer proximity to the dog.”

    Guest: “God f****** d*** it!”

    (The guest storms out, apparently now feeling much better.)

    Extra Reserves Of Stupidity

    | Fairfax, VA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Transportation

    (I’m about to move into a new apartment. The parking situation at this complex is pretty relaxed. It allows guests/non residents to park there during the day, in any spot that isn’t reserved for residents who pay extra for their spots. I go to the leasing office to pick up my keys. I’m about to go up to the counter, when a woman bursts into the office and yells at the receptionist.)

    Woman: “Excuse me! I think my car was just stolen!”

    Receptionist: “Stolen? Oh my gosh! Where was your car?”

    Woman: “I was at my friend’s home for just a few minutes. I come outside, and my car is gone. It’s just gone!”

    Receptionist: “Well, do you think you may have parked it in a reserved space? We have a tow truck come in to clear cars in reserved parking spaces.”

    Woman: “What? No one told me not to park in such a space! Besides, my friend is out of town so she couldn’t even tell me not to park there. And besides, I was only inside for a few minutes!”

    Receptionist: “I really do apologize, ma’am. Let me find out what I can.”

    (The receptionist tries her best to calm the woman down, and calls the contracted tow company. She gives them a description of the car.)

    Receptionist: “Yes, ma’am, they did tow your car. You had parked it in a reserved space.”

    Woman: “This is ridiculous! I have an appointment in 30 minutes; I shouldn’t have to be dealing with this!”

    (The receptionist is trying to be as accommodating as possible. I end up taking a seat, realizing I’m not going to be getting any help until this is resolved. The receptionist disappears into the back office to get approval to order a cab, and even have the property offer to pay for it. As soon as she leaves, the woman looks at me.)

    Woman: “It’s like we’re living in a police state. It’s totally unbelievable! People are waiting in the bushes for the littlest things. You know, I was just feeding my friend’s cats! No good deed goes unpunished.”

    Me: “I’m moving in today, and a few weeks ago when I came here for the first time, I knew better than to park in a space that had ‘RESERVED’ written on it in large letters.”

    (The woman shuts up and waits for the girl to come back. She was not necessarily calmer, but she did tone down her ranting!)

    Not Behaving Like An Adult

    | Pine Grove, PA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Money

    (I have just checked a guest in at a discounted rate. After 20 minutes, the guest calls me at the front desk.)

    Guest: “You’ve charged me $199! You said my rate was $109!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, let me bring up your reservation to make sure I didn’t make a mistake.”

    (The guest grunts, but lets me check.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like I didn’t make a mistake. You will see an authorization for $136.36 until your card is actually charged. We authorize for more just in case you have any incidentals at the end of your stay.”

    Guest: “Listen to what I’m telling you; I’ve been overcharged!”

    Me: “Please come to the front desk so I can see your receipt.”

    (The guest comes down, and slams a receipt on the desk that doesn’t look anything like what we give out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this receipt is for [Adult Store]. You must have gotten the receipts mixed up. Here is a new one for your stay here; have a great night!”


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