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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    Floored By The Lack Of Logic

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work at a hotel as an event coordinator. The building was not originally a hotel, and a top level had been added on that has an open-air pool and a gym. Due to this, the lifts do not go to it, and everyone has to use stairs placed next to the lift instead. A guest approaches me as I am walking to the foyer.)

    Guest: “I would like to make a complaint.”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Guest: “I was on the top floor using the gym, and when I was done I found that there was no way to leave the floor. I looked everywhere, and could only find the emergency exit, and all floors were locked from the other side! So I had to go out the back alley and walk back around to the front entrance, and I would just like to voice how RIDICULOUS it is to have no way out of that level.”

    Me: “Okay, I will pass that on to my manager, but I have to ask: how did you get on the floor in the first place if there is no way in or out?”

    Guest: “Oh, um… well…”

    A Roll Rehearsal Before Bowel Reversal

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m working the front desk and checking in a guest.)

    Me: “…and here are your room keys. Your room is located on the third floor and will be on the right hand side of the elevator. If there’s absolutely anything you need just press zero on your phone and I’ll be sure to assist you. Enjoy your stay.”

    Guest: “Can I ask you for something now?”

    Me: “Of course, sir. Anything you need would be my pleasure to serve.”

    Guest: “Can I get five rolls of toilet paper?”

    Me: “The rooms come standard with two rolls. Would you like an additional three rolls to total the room out to five rolls, or would you like five additional rolls to total seven rolls?”

    Guest: “I would like the five additional rolls, please.”

    Me: “I can do that for you, but unfortunately there is a $1 fee per excess roll. Between you and me, if you wait until the morning, the housekeepers will change out your toilet paper anyway and you won’t have to pay for it.”

    Guest: “I need the five rolls tonight. I only bought this room because if I’m going to destroy a bathroom after my mother-in-law’s cooking, it ain’t gonna be my job to clean it up…”

    A Directionless Conversation, Part 3

    | Germany | Extra Stupid, Geography, Hotels & Lodging

    (I answer the phone.)

    Me: “Good evening, you have reached the front desk. How may I assist you?”

    Guest: “I’m lost.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; where are you right now?”

    Guest: “I don’t know; I told you I was lost!”

    Me: “Where are you calling from right now?”

    Guest: *annoyed* “My cell phone!”

    Me: “I understand that, ma’am, but I need to know where you are if you would like directions to the hotel. Is there a street sign near you?”

    Guest: “Yes.”

    (There is a very long pause.)

    Me: “Can you tell me what it says?”

    Guest: “No.”

    Me: “No?”

    Guest: “No. It’s dark; I can’t read it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you would like me to give you directions I will need to know where you currently are. Can you please tell me the street name?”

    Guest: “Fine…”

    Related:
    A Directionless Conversation, Part 2
    A Directionless Conversation

    Checking Him In And Checking Her Out

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

    (I work at a hotel that caters to a branch of a hospital. I’m a larger-chested woman, and get frequent sexual harassment from guests.)

    Me: “As the hospital pays a portion of your stay, your grand total for the evening will be $44.40.”

    Guest: “That’s fine; I’d like to pay in cash.”

    Me: “Cash is acceptable, but we do ask that we get a credit card on file.”

    Guest: “Why the f*** do you need my credit card?”

    Me: “We need a credit card for incidentals or if by chance your stay is extended through the hospital.”

    Guest: “What the f*** is an incidental?”

    Me: “Incidentals would be damages or possible problems that may arise in the room.”

    Guest: “Do I look like I’d cause a f*****g problem?”

    Me: “Sir, I do not believe any of my guests would ever cause a problem; it’s just a precaution we must take. Now, I’d also ask that you refrain from using the f-word in the lobby.”

    Guest: “Listen, tits—”

    Me: “Sir, I kindly ask that you refrain from the vulgarities.”

    Guest: “You said I couldn’t say f***. You didn’t say nothin’ about tits!”

    Me: “That is a derogatory term in reference to my physical appearance. I will ask that you do not use that type of language in my lobby, or I will be forced to call the hospital and they will move you to a different establishment for the remainder of your stay.”

    Guest: “FIRST YOU TELL ME I HAVE TO USE A CREDIT CARD WHEN I F****** SAID I WAS PAYING CASH, AND NOW YOU’RE DENYING MY FREE SPEECH. DO YOU KNOW WHO OUR PRESIDENT IS, WHITE B****?!”

    Me: “Sir, I’ve asked you multiple times to correct your language and because of that last comment, you’ve now forced me to call the hospital as you are not welcome at our establishment.”

    Guest: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, sweet-cakes. I was just trying to make you angry. I love the way your boobs bounce when you get flustered and hold back.”

    (At that point my manager stepped in and told him to leave without even calling the hospital. Sick or not, no one has an excuse to openly sexually harass someone just trying to do their job.)

    Check Out With A Check

    | Fort Lauderdale, FL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a small, boutique hotel. At about 6:15 am, a guest comes up to the desk to check out.)

    Me: “How was your stay, ma’am?”

    Guest: “Great!”

    Me: “I see that there was a cash deposit on the room. Unfortunately, as you were told at check-in, we are not able to process the deposit at this time, as it is locked in the safe, and the person who can open it will not be here until 9 am. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

    Guest: “That’s unacceptable! I can’t believe you are refusing to give me my money! I am going to complain to Corporate. Now give me my money!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but I as I just explained to you, I am unable to do that at this time.”

    Guest: “I don’t care! What a rip-off! You will give me my money now! I am not coming back to this h***-hole!”

    Me: “No problem; we will send a check to the address we have on file.”

    Me: “That’s not acceptable! I demand you f****** crooks give me my money!”

    (This goes on for another 10 minutes; every time I try to explain the issues, she cuts me off. Finally, I have had enough.)

    Me: *firmly* “Madam! If you would allow me to finish, the only guest we have on record for that room is a 32-year-old man. Is Mr. [Name] with you?”

    Guest: “No! He said I could get it for him. Now give me my money!”

    Me: “In that case, ma’am, I’m afraid you just don’t get it.”

    Guest: ” Listen, fat-a**. Give me my money, or I’ll break your face!”

    Me: “We have no authority to let anyone besides the registered guest receive those funds, after the room has been inspected, and the safe has been opened. Now, this conversation is over! Please leave the property before I call the police to have you removed.”

    (My boss has just come in, and he also orders her off the property. When she tries to go after him, he instructs me to call 911. We finally get her to leave before the police arrive. My boss turns to me.)

    Boss: “You’re too patient! She’s probably a hooker trying to score herself a tip! Call 911 first next time!”


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