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  • July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    The Brain Is Vacant, The Room Is Not

    | Dubai, UAE | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work at the front desk of a big hotel, which is currently fully booked. One in-house guest would like to extend, but we have to decline. Finally, he comes to check out.)

    Guest: “I think that what you are doing is really rude.”

    Me: “How so, sir?”

    Guest: “I wanted to extend my stay here, but you won’t let me.”

    Me: “Yes, I am very sorry about that, but we are fully committed tonight, therefore we are not able to extend your stay. But hopefully next time, Sir.”

    Guest: “But how can you possibly sell my room when I am still in there? You should ask me before you do that, so I can decide whether to stay or not.”

    Me: “…”

    Two Girls, Eight Cups

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (We have a self-serve coffee station where two young women are talking.)

    Girl #1: “So, like, what are you going to SAY to him?!”

    Girl #2: *makes a cup of coffee* “I don’t know…”

    Girl #1: “After what he said about you!”

    Girl #2: *makes second cup* “What did he say?”

    Girl #1: “You know! You were there! You heard it all.”

    Girl #2: *makes third cup* “I don’t know… everything is just soooo messed up, you know?”

    Girl #1: “Like, for sure!”

    Girl #2: *makes fourth cup* “I don’t even know what I’ll say to him… I don’t even know if I want to be with him anymore!”

    Girl #1: *sympathetically* “I so understand!”

    Girl #2: *makes fifth cup* “That’s it, I’ll just say GOODBYE!” *makes sixth cup*

    Girl #1: “Good for you. He was a scumbag. Let’s go eat. Say, why are you making all those coffees? Are you like, really thirsty?” *giggles*

    Girl #2: “I don’t know. I’m not going to drink them. I’m just making them!” *makes seventh cup*

    Girl #1: “Well, won’t the employees here be really mad they have to clean that all up?”

    Girl #2: *shrugs* “I don’t know.” *makes eighth cup*

    Girl #1: “You’re so BAD! Teehee!”

    Me: “Excuse me, but we WILL be really mad if you keep wasting our coffee… so stop, please.”

    (They scamper out, grinning mischievously, leaving the mess of used sugar packets, coffee stains and half and half around. Yes, she added it in each one! Nice.)

    Scammed Out Of Trans-cendentals

    | USA | Criminal/Illegal, Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I’m working at a hotel for the first time by myself late at night. A strange-looking customer walks in. I assume she’s a woman by her dress and heels she wears.)

    Strange Customer: *in a strangely deep voice* “Hello, I’d like a room, if you don’t mind… here’s my ID and credit card.”

    (She hands them to me. I run it through.)

    Me: “Sorry, it’s declined.”

    Strange Customer: *strangely unsurprised* “Oh, I’ve been using it all day; probably I’m at my limit! Let me call my bank.”

    (She makes a phone call that I can’t hear. I sense something amiss, and quickly photocopy her ID. She turns back to me.)

    Strange Customer: “My bank says it’s all right now.”

    Me: *running it again* “It still says declined.”

    Strange Customer: “Oh, no sweetie, all you have to do is put in this code…”

    (She says a code and baffled, I type it in, doubting it will work. To my shock, it does, and the credit card goes through.)

    Me: “Okay… well. Here’s your keys and sign the reg card…”

    (I give her back the card and ID, and she saunters off. I think nothing of it until the next week, when a police officer comes by.)

    Officer: “Yes I need to talk to you about this guy.” *holds up photocopy of ID*

    Me: “Oh yeah… I remember… wait a minute, ‘he’?”

    Officer: “Yes. Did he have a disguise?”

    Me: “Yes, he was dressed as a woman!”

    My Boss: “Come on, [My Name] that is clearly a man in the picture!”

    Me: “I know, I just thought that he was a really ugly woman…”

    Trying To Take Sides

    | CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?””

    Caller: “I wanted to book a room for tonight.”

    Me: “We are sold out for tonight.”

    Caller: “So there’s nothing available?”

    Me: “Yes, we are sold out.”

    Caller: “What about the other side?”

    Me: “Other side of what?”

    Caller: “Are you sold out on the other side of the hotel?”

    Me: “Yes, we are sold out… The other side, too.”

    Her Head Is Already In The Clouds

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m a duty manager at a five-star hotel, which is part of an international chain. I’ve just been up to the top floor to let one of our highest tier loyalty program members into her room to find her passport she’d forgotten and we take the lift back down to the lobby together…)

    Guest: “So if I’m going to Amsterdam what will they let me take with me?”

    Me: “…Flying there?”

    Guest: “Yeah! From Gatwick.”

    Me: “O… kay… You mean like in your luggage?”

    Guest: “Yeah, like, what type of bag?”

    Me: “Oh!! Well that usually depends on the airline. Who are you flying with?”

    Guest: “Jeanette.”

    Me: *blank look*

    Guest: “She’s my best friend.”

    Me: “No…”

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