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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    Fools Give Vent To Their Rage

    | Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

    (We have a full house of baseball teams, 14-16-year-old boys. At approximately 11 pm, a mother comes up to the front desk.)

    Mother: “Why is there pornography on channel 16? We obviously didn’t order anything!”

    (We don’t have the option to order movies or pornography, so we look up what channel this was and find out it’s our [Cable Channel] channel playing a movie called ‘Erotic Engagement.’)

    Me: “Ma’am, that is our premium channel [Cable Channel], which is commonly known for playing adult themed movies this late at night. Our suggestion would be to keep an eye on your team as to not be watching [Cable Channel] this late at night.”

    Mother: “That is not [Cable Channel]. That is graphic pornography. You either refund my stay or we will check out right now.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I understand your frustration, but again, we do not have pornographic channels—”

    Mother: “You obviously don’t know what you are talking about and now my child is scarred for life. I hope you are happy and I hope God strikes you down for your disregard for protecting us from that filth!”

    Me: “Proverbs 29:11, if you want to get biblical. Have a nice night, ma’am.”

    (The scripture states: ‘Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.’)

    Their Own Private Joke

    | Spain | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Tourists/Travel

    (This happens on a class trip to Spain after a girl realizes she left her comb at home.)

    Girl: *walks up to front desk* “Do you have any combs?”

    Employee: “No hablo Ingles.”

    Girl: *in Spanish* “Necesito un pene, por favor.”

    Employee: *laughs hysterically*

    Girl: *angry* “Hey! Necesito un pene!” *pantomimes brushing hair*

    Employee: *realizes what’s going on, takes out comb, and hands it to girl*

    Girl: “Sí!”

    Employee: “Ese es ‘un peine.’” *That’s ‘un peine.’* “Un pene es:” *points to his privates*

    Girl: “Oh. S***!”

    Business Center Is Out Of Business

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (The door to our business center is always closed and locked to keep out non-guests who have, in the past, put viruses on the computers. To open it, the guest must ask the front desk. There is a sign.)

    Guest: *tries to open the door* “Come ON!”

    Me: “Sir—”

    (The guest begins punching the door so violently that the door and door lock instantly break. As if nothing has happened, the guest wanders back to the front desk.)

    Guest: “The business center door is broken.”

    Me: “Gee, I wonder why…”

    A Do-Not-Disturbing Amount Of Stupidity

    | SC, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    Guest: “My room is filthy! I demand a free night! This is ridiculous! Give me your corporate number!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. Give me your room number and I’ll sort this out!”

    Guest: “209.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it says you’ve been in this room three days. We have a housekeeper going to your room to clean it today. They’ll be there at 9 am. We have it listed that your room had a do not disturb sign for the last three days. Please remove it from your card slot and your room will be cleaned.”

    Guest: “Well how the f*** was I supposed to know they wouldn’t come if that was there? You should tell people that! Poor service! Get to my room NOW and do your job! Idiots!”

    Me: “…yes, ma’am.”

    (She did this two more times in her two week stay, never once taking the do-not-disturb sign of her door.)

    Must Think They Were Dragonborn Yesterday

    | NB, Canada | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “My name is warrior… and I’m lost.”

    (Music plays in background, and the caller goes on about fighting and being lost.)

    Me: “Can I have your name, sir?”

    Caller: “My father was a paladin.”

    (At this point my coworker took the headphones to listen in. It was a prank call, and at least it was entertaining.)

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