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    Category: Home Improvement

    Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

    The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems, Part 2

    | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

    (A customer is returning an electrical outlet with a remote control, and is complaining that the remote didn’t work.)

    Customer: “I tried everything, made the right adjustments, but no matter what I do, the light that is supposed to blink on the remote does nothing.”

    Me: “Let me have a look at this remote.”

    Customer: “I’m also fairly certain that the outlets themselves are not working.”

    (While he says that, I open up the remote control, and take out the battery.)

    Me: “Have you tried unwrapping the plastic from the battery before inserting it?”

    Customer: “You’re kidding, right? Even I wouldn’t be that stupid!”

    (I unwrap the battery before him. His mouth falls open, and he makes a face palm.”

    Customer: “No! This is not true!”

    (I insert the unwrapped battery in the remote control, and try it. The light now blinks as it’s supposed too.)

    Me: “It appears to be working now.”

    Customer: “I think I’m going to try the outlets at home. Maybe they work now, too.”

    Related:
    The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems

    Makes You Want To Meter Maker

    | Fife, UK | Home Improvement

    (I pick up the phone.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, can you tell me what 130 mm is in centimeters?”

    Me: “13 cm.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Uh, pretty sure.”

    Caller: “Hmm, okay. Thank you.”

    (I hang up. 30 seconds later the phone rings again, this time one of my co-workers answers it.)

    Co-Worker: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

    *pause*

    Co-Worker: “13 cm.”

    Not The Brightest Bulb In The Box

    | South Carolina, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

    Customer: “I would like to return this flashlight.”

    Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “It’s too hard to take apart.”

    Me: “Why did you take it apart?”

    Customer: “I wanted to know if it was easy to take apart.”

    The Customer Is A Fool, Of This I Am Curtain

    | United Kingdom | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

    Customer: *holding a pair of curtains* “Excuse me, will these curtains fit in my window?”

    Me: “I’m not sure Sir. Do you have the measurements of the window with you?”

    Customer: *confused* “Measurements? I need to measure the window? How do I do that?”

    (I hand the man a leaflet explaining how to measure windows correctly.)

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I didn’t realise you had to take measurements. I just guessed it was one size fits all.”

    It Will Be All Right Angled On The Night

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Home Improvement

    (I had dealt with this customer three hours before this phone call to make an 16×20 frame. I’ve given them a copy of the bill so they can see all the information.)

    Customer: “I think the girl who did my order made a mistake! I think she wrote the sizes in backwards.”

    Me: “Backwards? Did she write 61×02?”

    Customer: “No. Were it says ‘width’ she wrote 20, but the width is 16!

    Me: “Did she write 16 as the height ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes! But that means the frame will be longer than wide.”

    Me: “The frame looks the same on all sides ma’am. 20×16 and 16×20 are the same size. All they’ll have to do is turn it 90 degrees.”

    Customer: “They’re smart enough to do that?”


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