Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,879 thumbs up)
  • Category: Home Improvement

    Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

    Living By A (Bar)Code Of Honesty

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Awesome Customers, Home Improvement

    (I am working customer service when an elderly couple with no items walk up to the counter and hand me a barcode.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Elderly Man: “Yes, we would like to purchase this item please”.

    Me: “Oh, did you want to pay for it now and pick it up later? In that case I’ll need a couple of your details.”

    Elderly Man: “No, that’s not it. Yesterday we purchased all these garden products and noticed the lady at the checkout forgot to scan this barcode. I’d like to pay for it.”

    (I stand there, very much surprised.)

    Me: “Yeah, sure thing.”

    (I scan the barcode and the elderly woman pays. I stop them before they leave.)

    Me: “By the way, can I still grab your details? I’ve never had anyone come back and do what you just did. I’ll pass them onto my manager and see if I can get them to send you something for being so honest.”

    (The elderly couple smiles brightly, and the man gives me a business card. After they leave, I attach the card to a note to my manager explaining the situation. As far as I know, they didn’t get anything from her, but they got a whole lot of respect and admiration from me!)

    Ready To Bust His Pipes

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Bigotry, Home Improvement, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a fairly petite, young looking woman, who grew up with three brothers, and a single father. I’m one of the better employees for plumbing help, because my dad made me learn.)

    Me: “Welcome to [store]; what’s the project today?”

    Customer: “My toilet leaks; I need one of your guys to help.”

    Me: “Let’s head to plumbing. Where is the leak from?”

    Customer: “I want one of the guys, and not some idiot girl.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll radio one of them.”

    (A coworker responds, and I turn the customer over and go back to restocking. A few minutes later, the customer storms up.)

    Customer: “This is the stupidest hardware store! Where’s your manager?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry; what’s the problem?”

    Customer: “I want your manager!”

    Me: “They’ll be in tomorrow morning.”

    (The customer stomps out. The next day, I’m in plumbing. I am helping one of our regular contractors, when yesterday’s cranky customer returns.)

    Customer: “I want your manager!”

    (The cashier radio calls them, and the owner actually responds first.)

    Owner: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “You have idiots working here! They can’t help in plumbing!”

    (The owner gestures to me.)

    Owner: “Sir, she is one of our plumbing experts, and was on last night.”

    Customer: “I know that no idiot girl can help!”

    (The contractor walks up.)

    Contractor: “Watch your mouth! She is the best help you can get without calling a professional!”

    Customer: “NO! Girls should be cashiers, and flirt with customers!”

    Owner: “Sir, you’ll have to leave.”

    Customer: “You can’t make me!”

    Me: “Sir. I have two police officer brothers, a correctional officer father, a jujitsu trainer brother, and my martial arts training. You are leaving. By your choice or by force.”

    (For a few moments, the customer contemplates if it’s worth the fight, but ultimately decides against it.)

    Contractor: “Man, you ruin all my fun by giving him a choice!”

    Owner: “Don’t encourage her. She isn’t in the gym, so she can’t go dislocating elbows here.”

    Contractor: “Now both of you are ruining my fun!” *leaves*

    Not Worming Out Of This One

    | CA, USA | Home Improvement, Pets & Animals

    (I am on the phone with a customer.)

    Customer: “What’s the best soil for my vegetable garden?”

    Me: “[Brand] planting mix is an excellent soil for veggies. It’s all organic, and has chicken manure, kelp meal, and worm castings.”

    Customer: “Worms? Like… worms?”

    Me: “Earthworms, actually. Their castings… worm poop. It’s really good for the soil.”

    Customer: “So the worms would be in my vegetables?”

    Me: “No, it’s just their castings; they’ll be in the soil.”

    Customer: “So when we eat the vegetables will there be worms?”

    Me: “No… no worms, just their poop in the soil.”

    Customer: “Yes, but will the worms be in our vegetables when we eat them?”

    Me: “No… no worms.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes!”

    Customer: “Ohhhhh kayyyyyyy.” *click!*

    His Argument Isn’t Loaded

    | Knoxville, TN, USA | Health & Body, Home Improvement, Top

    (A customer buys 30 heavy bags of mulch; each weighs 40lbs. They’re already on a cart and just need to be loaded. The customer is a young man.)

    Customer: “So, yeah, I’ll need you to load these for me. I just had shoulder surgery.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, I can call someone—”

    Customer: “No, don’t call someone, then I’ll have to wait! You can load them.”

    Me: “Well, actually, I pulled a muscle in my back, and I’m not supposed to be lifting heavy things. I’ll call someone for you.”

    Customer: “That’s bull! You d*** b****! You’re just lazy!”

    (An elderly customer comes over.)

    Elderly Customer: “Excuse me, sir! How dare you speak to a young lady like that, and demand she load your mulch? You should be ashamed of yourself!”

    Customer: “F*** you! She’s just d*** lazy! I had shoulder surgery! This is ridiculous!”

    Elderly Customer: “If you had shoulder surgery, how did you get all that mulch on the cart to start with?”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll load it my d*** self!”

    (The customer storms off.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you are my new favorite customer.”

    Out Of The Frying Pan…

    | SA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

    (A customer is browsing our sale frying pans, which are gift boxed. On top of the pile of boxes is a frying pan that has been taken out so customers don’t keep opening new boxes to look at them.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, are any of these out on display? I don’t want to buy one if I don’t know what it looks like.”

    Me: “Yep, there’s this one right here.”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t think it was the same one. It looks different to the one in the picture. The one in the picture has vegetables in it.”

    (I laugh politely, thinking it’s a joke.)

    Customer: “So, are there vegetables in the box?”

    Me: “Um… no. It’s just a frying pan, and a glass lid. If there was food in there, it would go off.”

    (The customer continues browsing, while I am called away to help someone else. As I am passing back by the first customer, I notice he is roughly pulling a new frying pan out of the gift box, tearing it up.)

    Me: “Uh, do you need some help here?”

    Customer: “I just wanted to see what this frying pan looks like before I buy it.”

    Me: “It’s exactly the same as the one on display. We put that out so everyone can see what it looks like. That way, people will stop pulling new stock out of boxes and wrecking them.”

    Customer: “I know, but I want to see what this one looks like. Yes, this should be fine. Oh, but the box is all torn up. Can you give me a discount for that?”

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