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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Home Improvement

    Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

    Barking Up All The Trees

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

    (I’m working in a garden center.)

    Customer: “Hey, lady! Do you know something about plants?”

    (I have a diploma in gardening, and been working here for five years.)

    Me: “Yes, a lot actually.”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a very specific plant. It’s very unique and it has flowers! And you have to feed it with water also!”

    Me: “Okay… can you—”

    Customer: “It’s kind of big also!”

    Me: “Can you gave me a little bit more specification on that plant?”

    Customer: “It has green leaves!”

    Green-Fingered When It Comes To Painting

    | AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

    (An extremely irate customer approaches me with a can of paint that has barely any product left in it.)

    Customer: “You guys made a mistake! I want my money back right now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “This paint made my walls green! If I wanted green, I would have purchased green!”

    (I take the nearly-empty can of paint, and pry off the lid. Inside, the color showing is a vivid, aqua-marine blue.)

    Me: “Hmm. Let me check this out for you.”

    (The customer smugly smiles and puts her hands on her hips. I grab a wooden paint stirrer and scrape the bottom of the can. I look at the stick, and see that there is a very vivid, aqua-marine blue at the base of the stick.)

    Me: “Ma’am, did you put any primer on your walls before you painted them?”

    Customer: “No! I just painted over the color that was already there!”

    Me: “Of course. And, can you please tell me the color of the original wall?”

    Customer: “It was yellow.”

    Me: “And yellow, plus blue, makes?”

    Customer: “Gree—oh…”

    Me: “May I help you with a selection of primers?”

    A State Of Mindlessness, Part 2

    | WA, USA | Health & Body, Home Improvement

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’ve noticed that all these pieces of wood have a sticker on them that say’s they contain a product that is believed to cause cancer in the state of California.”

    Me: “Yes, that is just a sticker the company has left on there because we also sell in California.”

    Customer: “So, since I live here in Washington I won’t get cancer, right?”

    Related:
    A State Of Mindlessness

    The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems, Part 2

    | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

    (A customer is returning an electrical outlet with a remote control, and is complaining that the remote didn’t work.)

    Customer: “I tried everything, made the right adjustments, but no matter what I do, the light that is supposed to blink on the remote does nothing.”

    Me: “Let me have a look at this remote.”

    Customer: “I’m also fairly certain that the outlets themselves are not working.”

    (While he says that, I open up the remote control, and take out the battery.)

    Me: “Have you tried unwrapping the plastic from the battery before inserting it?”

    Customer: “You’re kidding, right? Even I wouldn’t be that stupid!”

    (I unwrap the battery before him. His mouth falls open, and he makes a face palm.”

    Customer: “No! This is not true!”

    (I insert the unwrapped battery in the remote control, and try it. The light now blinks as it’s supposed too.)

    Me: “It appears to be working now.”

    Customer: “I think I’m going to try the outlets at home. Maybe they work now, too.”

    Related:
    The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems

    Makes You Want To Meter Maker

    | Fife, UK | Home Improvement

    (I pick up the phone.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, can you tell me what 130 mm is in centimeters?”

    Me: “13 cm.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Uh, pretty sure.”

    Caller: “Hmm, okay. Thank you.”

    (I hang up. 30 seconds later the phone rings again, this time one of my co-workers answers it.)

    Co-Worker: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

    *pause*

    Co-Worker: “13 cm.”


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