November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

Loading Up Goodwill

| Netanya, Israel | Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

(I am a customer at a popular Swedish cheap furniture mega-chain. On this evening I have just finished exchanging a disassembled table I mistakenly bought for the model I wanted. While I am loading the new box into my car, an older lady asks me to help with her new furniture.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, can you help me load this into my car?”

Me: “But of course!”

(As I load the woman’s furniture into her vehicle, a middle-aged man nearby sees me doing that and assumes that it is my job.)

Customer #2: “When you’re done there, can you come help me?”

Me: “Um, I don’t actually work here, but sure.”

Customer #2: “Oh, you don’t? I’m sorry.”

Me: “It’s no problem, I’ll help anyway.”

(I help the man load his car, and he hands me a coin.)

Customer #2: “Well here, take this for your trouble.”

(I got a tip of 5 shekels – about $1.3 – without even working there.)

Doesn’t Know How To Window Shop

| England, UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I work in a bargains store where people can get almost anything for less than the RRP. An elderly customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Will these curtains fit my window?”

Me: “What size is the window you’re buying for?”

Customer: “Living room.”

Me: “No, sorry I mean like what are the measurements for it?”

Customer: “It’s a normal front living room window.”

Me: “Every window is different. These ones you’ve picked out are 90″x90″, so they would fit a fairly large window. Do you know the size in inches, or even centimetres? We can work from there.”

Customer: “No, but it’s the same size window as everyone else on my street, so I think it’ll be the same for everywhere. Would they fit your window?”

Like Sleeping On Heavenly Clouds

| USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Religion

(We sell mattresses. A customer does a lap around the store and stops at our most expensive beds.)

Customer: “THIS BED IS ONLY $89?!”

Me: “Yes, sir, if you qualify for the four-year financing it’s $89 a month.”

Customer: “Well, there’s no point in me financing a bed, Jesus is coming next year. Have a nice day”

Me: “…”

His Shopping Trip Came Crashing To The Floor

| Agadir, Morocco | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(My dad had heard from a few friends of ours that it’s a good idea to wax the outdoors brick floors so they don’t absorb water. They gave him the name of the brand they use. He’s the slightly moronic customer in this one. We don’t speak French, and they rarely speak English in this area.)

Dad: “I need [Brand] so I can wax our brick floors.”

Employee: *points to bucket*  “It’s for preparing walls before you put on tiles.”

Dad: “No, no, it’s for waxing floors!”

Employee: “Nnnnno, it’s for preparing walls before you tile.”

Dad: “No, it’s not! I need to talk to your expert.”

(An expert comes over, and tries to explain repeatedly what my dad is trying to buy.)

Expert: “This is for preparing walls before you tile.”

Dad: “You’re ALL clearly very wrong.”

(My dad marched out of the store with a five-litre bucket. The bad news: My dad painted the entire roof terrace with sticky stuff meant to help tiles stick to the wall. The good news: He did a really neat job, and it _almost_ doesn’t feel like you’ve stepped in dry soda anymore.)

Should Have Framed It Correctly

| New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(I work in a framing store. I have been at this job only a couple of weeks when this happens – all I knew was basically that we sold frames. I need experience on the phone so I have to start taking calls. A call comes in.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Company]. You’re speaking with [My Name].”

Caller: “Oh, hi. I made an Internet order with you and you seem to have sent me the wrong size.”

(We sometimes do Internet orders for pre-made frames. At this point I’m not super familiar with the sizes we can do.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that; if you pass on the details to me I’ll speak to my manager.”

Caller: “That’s great. It was the tiger-lily, and you’ve sent me the size eight when I ordered the size ten.”

Me: “Size eight? Uh… ok, well we may have to look you up in the system to find the details.”

Caller: ‘Do you have a size ten?”

Me: *totally confused but in it too deep now and the woman is getting angry* ‘Uh… I’m sure we can fix the problem for you. I’m just going to get my manager to look for your order and give you a call back.”

(I take her name and details and end the call, thinking my manager can work out what’s happening, because I have no idea. She looks in the system for a customer order with an artwork described as ‘tiger-lily’ but finds nothing. I explain the size issue, but the sizing doesn’t match what we offer. My manager tells me to call the woman back and try to get more information.)

Caller: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi there. It’s [My Name] calling back from [Company].”

Caller: “Oh, hi.”

(The caller thinks I’m the manager now, having just spoken to me five minutes ago.)

Caller: “I made an Internet order for the tiger-lily and it’s the wrong size, and I just wanted to return it and get the right one. It’s the tiger-lily.”

Me: *it’s starting to dawn on me what’s going on* “I’m sorry. Is this for clothing?”

Caller: *angry now* ‘No! It’s the tiger-lily!! The bikini—”

Me: “A bikini? We don’t sell those. We sell frames.”


Caller: “Is this phone number [not our phone number]?”

Me: “No, it’s [our phone number].”


Caller: “I’m sorry I’ve called the wrong number.” *click*

(Of course, now that I am experienced I would know the error straight away, but I have sadly not received such an entertaining call since that day.)