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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Home Improvement

    Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

    Not Worming Out Of This One

    | CA, USA | Home Improvement, Pets & Animals

    (I am on the phone with a customer.)

    Customer: “What’s the best soil for my vegetable garden?”

    Me: “[Brand] planting mix is an excellent soil for veggies. It’s all organic, and has chicken manure, kelp meal, and worm castings.”

    Customer: “Worms? Like… worms?”

    Me: “Earthworms, actually. Their castings… worm poop. It’s really good for the soil.”

    Customer: “So the worms would be in my vegetables?”

    Me: “No, it’s just their castings; they’ll be in the soil.”

    Customer: “So when we eat the vegetables will there be worms?”

    Me: “No… no worms, just their poop in the soil.”

    Customer: “Yes, but will the worms be in our vegetables when we eat them?”

    Me: “No… no worms.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes!”

    Customer: “Ohhhhh kayyyyyyy.” *click!*

    His Argument Isn’t Loaded

    | Knoxville, TN, USA | Health & Body, Home Improvement, Top

    (A customer buys 30 heavy bags of mulch; each weighs 40lbs. They’re already on a cart and just need to be loaded. The customer is a young man.)

    Customer: “So, yeah, I’ll need you to load these for me. I just had shoulder surgery.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, I can call someone—”

    Customer: “No, don’t call someone, then I’ll have to wait! You can load them.”

    Me: “Well, actually, I pulled a muscle in my back, and I’m not supposed to be lifting heavy things. I’ll call someone for you.”

    Customer: “That’s bull! You d*** b****! You’re just lazy!”

    (An elderly customer comes over.)

    Elderly Customer: “Excuse me, sir! How dare you speak to a young lady like that, and demand she load your mulch? You should be ashamed of yourself!”

    Customer: “F*** you! She’s just d*** lazy! I had shoulder surgery! This is ridiculous!”

    Elderly Customer: “If you had shoulder surgery, how did you get all that mulch on the cart to start with?”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll load it my d*** self!”

    (The customer storms off.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you are my new favorite customer.”

    Out Of The Frying Pan…

    | SA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

    (A customer is browsing our sale frying pans, which are gift boxed. On top of the pile of boxes is a frying pan that has been taken out so customers don’t keep opening new boxes to look at them.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, are any of these out on display? I don’t want to buy one if I don’t know what it looks like.”

    Me: “Yep, there’s this one right here.”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t think it was the same one. It looks different to the one in the picture. The one in the picture has vegetables in it.”

    (I laugh politely, thinking it’s a joke.)

    Customer: “So, are there vegetables in the box?”

    Me: “Um… no. It’s just a frying pan, and a glass lid. If there was food in there, it would go off.”

    (The customer continues browsing, while I am called away to help someone else. As I am passing back by the first customer, I notice he is roughly pulling a new frying pan out of the gift box, tearing it up.)

    Me: “Uh, do you need some help here?”

    Customer: “I just wanted to see what this frying pan looks like before I buy it.”

    Me: “It’s exactly the same as the one on display. We put that out so everyone can see what it looks like. That way, people will stop pulling new stock out of boxes and wrecking them.”

    Customer: “I know, but I want to see what this one looks like. Yes, this should be fine. Oh, but the box is all torn up. Can you give me a discount for that?”

    Not Painting A Pretty Picture Of Himself

    | BC, Canada | Bigotry, Home Improvement, Themed Giveaway

    (Note: I am female.)

    Me: “Hi there! Is there anything I can give you a hand with?”

    Customer: “Yes, can I speak with your boss?”

    (He points to my coworker, who is a middle-aged gentleman. He has worked here longer than me, but he is not my boss. My coworker hears the customer, comes over, and pats my shoulder.)

    Coworker: “She’s the boss.”

    (The customer is suddenly outraged.)

    Customer: “How dare you! A woman in a hardware store! This blonde b**** probably doesn’t even know the first thing about paint!I want to talk to a man about man stuff!”

    Coworker: “Actually, she used to paint houses professionally before she went to college, and has more experience than anyone in this store when it comes to color theory and technique. She’s also assisted in completely gutting three houses and rebuilding them. That’s more than I could say I, or most of the men in this store, have done themselves.”

    Customer:Lies! Girls don’t f****** know anything about this s***! You’re a f****** liar!” *storms off*

    Knot Possible

    | Oshawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (I work in the lumber department of my store. I spot an older customer, studying our 2×4 lumber. She looks very sour.)

    Me: “Hi there, ma’am. Can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need a 2×4, but I don’t want one with knots.”

    Me: “Well, that’s going to be tricky with these. Just about every one that I’ve ever seen has a least a few knots here and there.”

    Customer: “No, I need one with no knots. I’m working on a project and if there are knots, the wood will break.”

    Me: “Well, I have some pieces of pine select; no knots in them at all!”

    Customer: “Oh, I looked at those. They’re too expensive; I’m on a pension you know. What about that one up there? It looks clean.”

    (The customer points to a fresh lift of lumber, and it indeed looks clean, but the home is full.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m willing to bet that they’ll have just as many knots as this lift.”

    Customer: “Show me!”

    (I begin the process of getting a driver, and pulling down the lift. Due to the fact that I have to close down the main lumber aisle to due so, two assistant managers are watching me. As they watch, I open the lift and start sorting through the pieces, showing the older lady that they all have knots in them.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

    (After she leaves, one of the managers walks over to me.)

    Manager: “What was wrong with the wood?”

    Me: “She didn’t want any knots in her 2×4.”

    Manager: “Yeah, find a tree without branches and we’ll give her a 2×4 without knots.”


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