Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,221 thumbs up)
  • Category: Home Improvement

    Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

    Can’t Avoid This Going Down The Toilet

    | Rochester, NY, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

    (I take emergency maintenance calls from apartment complexes when the office is closed. A woman calls around 2 am.)

    Caller:  ”Why should I have to leave my apartment when I have to use the bathroom? That’s just not right.”

    Me: “I’ll call maintenance right away and send someone right over.”

    Caller:  ”Oh, he’s already here fixing the toilet. He’s been working on it for a while.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if maintenance is already working on the problem, I don’t know what you would want me to do.”

    Caller: “I thought you could tell me what I’m supposed to do until the toilet is fixed.”

    Perhaps This Isn’t Your Calling

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (I’ve just started a new job as a secretary for a house construction company. The former secretary is training me.)

    Former Secretary: “This job is a snap. Answering the phone is the easiest part. All they ever want is lot prices or house prices. Oh, the phone is ringing now; go ahead and answer it.”

    Me: “Good morning. Thank you for calling [Company Name]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I need you to fix my hot tub.”

    Me: “One moment please, sir.” *to the former secretary* “This guy wants us to fix his hot tub.”

    Former Secretary: “What?”

    (The former secretary takes phone, talks a little, and then hangs up.)

    Former Secretary: “He had the wrong [Company Name]. He thought he was calling the head office of the hotel he’s staying at.  That was weird. Oh, the phone’s ringing again.”

    Me: *answers phone*

    Caller: “THEY’RE CUTTING DOWN MY TREES! MAKE THEM STOOOPPP!”

    Me: “One moment please, sir.” *to former secretary* “Um, this guy says ‘they’ are cutting down his trees.”

    Former Secretary: “Are you kidding?”

    Me: “I thought answering the phones here was supposed to be easy?”

    Former Secretary: “It usually IS!”

    There Is Mulch To Joke About

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a cashier at a store that sells home improvement merchandise. I am working in the garden center. If the customer needs a large quantity of something they will pay for it first and pick it up in the parking lot where we keep a huge supply of mulch, soil, etc.)

    Customer: “Can I get 20 bags of mulch?”

    Me: *completely straight face* “No.”

    Customer: *dumbfounded look on his face* “Umm…”

    Coworker: “[My Name]!”

    Me: *with a huge smile on my face* “Of course you can!”

    (I ring the customer up and my coworker speaks to him.)

    Coworker: “Sorry about that, sir. She is mean to every 25th customer. Looks like you were the 25th.”

    (The customer paid and was chuckling and smiling as he walked out to his vehicle.)

    Not In Good Company

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s my first week on the job, working in a retail store selling bed linen, table linen etc. I take a phone call.)

    Caller: “I was in [different store] and they said you had covers for futons.”

    Me: “I’ll just check for you.” *put the phone on hold, and turn to a coworker* “Do we have futon covers?”

    Coworker: “No, but sometimes king sized quilt covers fit them.”

    Me: *gets back on phone* “No, I’m sorry. We don’t have futon covers but we do have king sized quilt covers that might fit.”

    Caller: “No, king quilt covers are too small for my futon and [different store] said that you would have them.”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t.”

    Caller: “But [different store] said that you had them.”

    Me: “They are mistaken. We don’t.”

    Caller: “They said you had them.”

    Me:  ”No, we don’t. The closest thing we have is king sized quilt covers.”

    Caller: “But [different store] said that you had them!”

    Me: “Maybe you could ring them back.”

    Caller: “Why?”

    Me: “To ask them exactly where we keep them. They seem to know more about this shop than I do.”

    Caller: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, they’ve told you that we, in a completely different company, have them and you believe them over me, who actually works in the company.”

    Caller: “Oh, you don’t have any?”

    Me: “No.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “Okay, bye.” *click*

    Annoying Customers Are A Sure Thing

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a customer who always comes in looking for things to buy for wedding presents and then a week or two later would return them. She is a real time waster.)

    Customer: “I need this in queen size. It’s for a wedding present.”

    Me: “Have you looked on the lower shelf of the table? There might be one there.”

    Customer: “You do it. I can’t bend.”

    Me: *gets down to check* “No, sorry. There’s none here.”

    Customer: *cocking her head sideways, with what she thinks is a cute look* “Are you sure?”

    Me: “I’ll double check with someone else.” *to coworker* “Do we have any more of this design in queen?”

    Coworker: *in full hearing of the customer* “No, and we can’t get anymore in. They are discontinued.”

    Me: *turning to customer* “Sorry, we don’t have any left.”

    Customer: *as always, with what she thinks is a cute look on her face, she cocks her head sideways* “Are you sure?”

    Me: “You just heard me ask for you and heard the answer. Yes, I am sure.”

    (After what seemed ages she finally bought something else and then two weeks later returned it. As usual, the recipient’s bed was the wrong size and she had already bought them something else.)

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