Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

This Flowered Into Nothing

| OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(It is pouring down rain, and I’m called outside to help a customer in the garden area. I get soaked within seconds, and find an elderly woman gazing at hanging baskets.)

Woman: “I’m looking for flowers to refill my hanging basket.”

Me: “Well, we have a large variety of flowers right now. All would look lovely in a basket, or we have the pre-filled baskets ready to go and in bloom.”

Woman: “I want the same thing I got last year.” *looks at me expectantly*

Me: “Uh… did you get it here? Perhaps a fuchsia?”

(At this point I am shaking from cold and wondering what exactly she wants from me.)

Woman: “Just grab the one I bought last year. I don’t know where I got it, but I want the same one.

Me: I’m sorry; I don’t know what you had last year. Do any of these flowers look familiar?”

Woman: “Oh, I don’t know. Why can’t you remember what I bought? I just want the same flowers! Just help me!”

Me: *desperate to leave* “I think you bought fuchsias last year! Right here!” *shows her the plant*

Woman: “Oh, yes, thank you! Oh, those are much too expensive. Well, have a good day!”

(She bought nothing, took 15 minutes of my day, and left me sopping wet and freezing. I love customer service.)

Loading Up Goodwill

| Netanya, Israel | Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

(I am a customer at a popular Swedish cheap furniture mega-chain. On this evening I have just finished exchanging a disassembled table I mistakenly bought for the model I wanted. While I am loading the new box into my car, an older lady asks me to help with her new furniture.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, can you help me load this into my car?”

Me: “But of course!”

(As I load the woman’s furniture into her vehicle, a middle-aged man nearby sees me doing that and assumes that it is my job.)

Customer #2: “When you’re done there, can you come help me?”

Me: “Um, I don’t actually work here, but sure.”

Customer #2: “Oh, you don’t? I’m sorry.”

Me: “It’s no problem, I’ll help anyway.”

(I help the man load his car, and he hands me a coin.)

Customer #2: “Well here, take this for your trouble.”

(I got a tip of 5 shekels – about $1.3 – without even working there.)

Doesn’t Know How To Window Shop

| England, UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I work in a bargains store where people can get almost anything for less than the RRP. An elderly customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Will these curtains fit my window?”

Me: “What size is the window you’re buying for?”

Customer: “Living room.”

Me: “No, sorry I mean like what are the measurements for it?”

Customer: “It’s a normal front living room window.”

Me: “Every window is different. These ones you’ve picked out are 90″x90″, so they would fit a fairly large window. Do you know the size in inches, or even centimetres? We can work from there.”

Customer: “No, but it’s the same size window as everyone else on my street, so I think it’ll be the same for everywhere. Would they fit your window?”

Like Sleeping On Heavenly Clouds

| USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Religion

(We sell mattresses. A customer does a lap around the store and stops at our most expensive beds.)

Customer: “THIS BED IS ONLY $89?!”

Me: “Yes, sir, if you qualify for the four-year financing it’s $89 a month.”

Customer: “Well, there’s no point in me financing a bed, Jesus is coming next year. Have a nice day”

Me: “…”

His Shopping Trip Came Crashing To The Floor

| Agadir, Morocco | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(My dad had heard from a few friends of ours that it’s a good idea to wax the outdoors brick floors so they don’t absorb water. They gave him the name of the brand they use. He’s the slightly moronic customer in this one. We don’t speak French, and they rarely speak English in this area.)

Dad: “I need [Brand] so I can wax our brick floors.”

Employee: *points to bucket*  “It’s for preparing walls before you put on tiles.”

Dad: “No, no, it’s for waxing floors!”

Employee: “Nnnnno, it’s for preparing walls before you tile.”

Dad: “No, it’s not! I need to talk to your expert.”

(An expert comes over, and tries to explain repeatedly what my dad is trying to buy.)

Expert: “This is for preparing walls before you tile.”

Dad: “You’re ALL clearly very wrong.”

(My dad marched out of the store with a five-litre bucket. The bad news: My dad painted the entire roof terrace with sticky stuff meant to help tiles stick to the wall. The good news: He did a really neat job, and it _almost_ doesn’t feel like you’ve stepped in dry soda anymore.)

Page 3/1512345...Last