Customer: “Excuse me, I have a ques—oh.”

(She folds her arms, and eyes me critically.)

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Well, I doubt you would know. You look awfully young.”

(I am 21, but look younger.)

Me: “I’m older than I look. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “No, I really don’t think you would know. You look like a d*** little kid!”

(I raise my eyebrows and stare at her.)

Customer: “I guess that was a little rude, huh.”

Me: “More than a little. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Like I said, I doubt it. I like that pink plant over there, but I don’t know anything about it.”

(I rattle off the plant’s name, sun preference, average height and width, and how often to water and fertilize it.)

Customer: “Huh! You did know all about it! I just seem to keep offending people today; every time I open my mouth!”

Me: “Maybe try keeping it shut.”

(A tenant in an office building calls the property management office. It’s autumn, and a bit chilly outside. Not every office in this building has a window, but hers does. Tenants pay more for the larger suites with windows.)

Tenant: “Ever since the heat came on last week, my office has been stifling! Can’t the maintenance do anything?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the office suites do not have individual heat controls. However, I can put in a ticket for maintenance to come and adjust your overhead vent so you don’t have as much warm air coming in.”

Tenant: “Well how long will that be? I’m dying in here!”

Me: “Maintenance is usually able to complete their tickets in a day or two.”

Tenant: “What? He can’t come today? This is completely ridiculous! How do you expect me to work, or see clients? I’m sweating!”

Me: “Well, in the meantime, you could certainly crack a window. It’s nice and cool outside.”

Tenant: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I PAY FOR!”

Customer: “Hello, I own a house I’m trying to sell. The potential buyer had an engineering inspection done, and the inspector told me to call you to come out.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, we need something to go on here. Do you know what we’re looking for, or where we should look?”

Customer: “All I know is the inspector told me to call [Utility Name], and have them come out.”

Me: “Did they say what was wrong?”

Customer: “No! Why are you making this so hard?”

Me: “In order to send a crew out to potentially fix something, we have to have some idea what is broken. Also, whatever is broken might turn out to be customer owned, and not our equipment. In that case we will not be able to. Lastly, we need to send different crews for different issues. In order to send the correct people, we need to know what we’re dealing with.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why this has to be difficult! I’m reporting an issue to you, and I need you to come out and fix it. Why can’t you just send somebody out! I don’t understand why this is so hard!”

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You want me to send out a crew to repair something, but you don’t know what is broken, why you need us to come out, or if it is even an issue on our end, or our responsibility at all?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(A customer comes into the fabric store where I work. She is holding a scrap of plain black fabric, about the size of a postage stamp.)

Customer: “Excuse me; I need help. I purchased a few yards of this fabric the other day, and I need more of it.”

Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have the serial number?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Uh, do you know what the fabric was called? Or where you found it?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: “So, you want me to look through every black fabric in the entire store until I find one that looks similar?”

Customer: “Could you?”

(I’m working in a garden center.)

Customer: “Hey, lady! Do you know something about plants?”

(I have a diploma in gardening, and been working here for five years.)

Me: “Yes, a lot actually.”

Customer: “I’m looking for a very specific plant. It’s very unique and it has flowers! And you have to feed it with water also!”

Me: “Okay… can you—”

Customer: “It’s kind of big also!”

Me: “Can you gave me a little bit more specification on that plant?”

Customer: “It has green leaves!”