Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Motherly Advice To Mother
    (1,511 thumbs up)
  • September Theme Of The Month: Return Of The Geeks!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Home Improvement

    Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

    The Customer Is A Fool, Of This I Am Curtain

    | United Kingdom | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

    Customer: *holding a pair of curtains* “Excuse me, will these curtains fit in my window?”

    Me: “I’m not sure Sir. Do you have the measurements of the window with you?”

    Customer: *confused* “Measurements? I need to measure the window? How do I do that?”

    (I hand the man a leaflet explaining how to measure windows correctly.)

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I didn’t realise you had to take measurements. I just guessed it was one size fits all.”

    It Will Be All Right Angled On The Night

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Home Improvement

    (I had dealt with this customer three hours before this phone call to make an 16×20 frame. I’ve given them a copy of the bill so they can see all the information.)

    Customer: “I think the girl who did my order made a mistake! I think she wrote the sizes in backwards.”

    Me: “Backwards? Did she write 61×02?”

    Customer: “No. Were it says ‘width’ she wrote 20, but the width is 16!

    Me: “Did she write 16 as the height ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes! But that means the frame will be longer than wide.”

    Me: “The frame looks the same on all sides ma’am. 20×16 and 16×20 are the same size. All they’ll have to do is turn it 90 degrees.”

    Customer: “They’re smart enough to do that?”

    Some Assembly And Intelligence Required

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

    Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [home improvement store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I just had my shed delivered this morning and you people sent me the wrong size.”

    Me: “Okay, just let me pull up your order here and see what may have gone wrong.”

    Customer: “I don’t know how you people could have messed this up, I clearly ordered a 6×6 shed and I just measured the one you delivered and its clearly only 4×6.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Well, the type of shed we delivered only comes in a 6×6 model. Did you happen to have any parts left over when you finished building it?”

    Customer: “Oh, well I haven’t actually built it yet. But I’ve measured the crate it comes in and it only measure 4×6.”

    Me: “Sir, what does the label on the crate say?”

    Customer: “It says 6×6. But I measured it and it’s only 4×6!”

    Taking A Leap (Year) From The Truth

    | Rothschild, WI, USA | Home Improvement, Money

    Customer: “I bought this heat gun a month and a half ago. I don’t have a receipt. I just want an exchange.”

    Me: “You bought this a month and a half ago? About early June?”

    Customer: “Yes. I just want an exchange.”

    Me: *double checks computer* “Sir, we discontinued this almost a year ago. We sold our last one this past October.”

    Customer: “Maybe it was a little longer than a month and a half…”

    When Non-Stick Causes Friction

    | New York, NY, USA | Home Improvement

    (A customer approaches me with a pan from one of our non-stick cookware sets.)

    Customer: “I need some pots and pans for our new house. However, I’ve heard this Teflon coating can release toxic chemicals into your food.”

    Me: “Actually, our vendors did away with Teflon years ago and now use a new, much safer variety of non-stick. What you’re holding in fact would really only present a problem if you were to deliberately damage the cooking surface, say by going at it with a hammer and chisel.”

    Customer: “Oh, well I’ll take two sets then.”

    (Several days pass, and the customer comes back and dumps everything he’s bought on my counter.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I know this isn’t really your fault, but I tried using these and the food tastes really funny–like there are still chemicals being leaked into it. I think you’ve been told some dirty lies by your vendors.”

    (I take several of the pans out, and find they all have now have either a small ‘D’ or ‘M’ burned into their cooking surface.)

    Me: “What happened to these?”

    Customer: “Nothing, my family is insistent that we only use one set of pans dairy and the other set for meat so I made sure to label which were which.”

    Me: “Didn’t you hear what I said about damaging the cooking surface?”

    Customer: “You said that would only be dangerous if I used a hammer and chisel. So I took them to my jewelery store and did it with a laser engraver instead.”

    Page 10/11First...7891011