Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,941 thumbs up)
  • Category: Home Improvement

    Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

    A Slight Blip On The Double-Dip

    , | Baltimore ,MD, USA | Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer comes into the store and orders a large amount of building supplies to build a shed. She is helped and checked out by me. Her brother comes for the items a few hours later, and I load them up. She calls back the next day.)

    Customer: “Hello. I’m coming to pick up my order today, and just want to make sure it’s ready.”

    Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. What is the name and phone number attached to the order? ”

    Customer: “It’s [Name] and [phone number].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it appears your order was already picked up by your brother.”

    Customer: “What? My brother? I don’t have a brother. Someone stole my merchandise!”

    (When she placed her order with me, she told me her brother’s name and that he would be picking it up. This was listed on her order at the time of purchase by me.)

    Me: “Hmm. No brother?”

    Customer: “Let me speak to your manager! I’m an only child!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not going to do that for you.”

    Customer: “What…?”

    Me: “See, when I first answered the phone I stated my name. When running this double dip scam in the future, please note the name of the person you’re dealing with. I not only helped you with the purchase and rang you up. I also loaded your brother’s truck with the merchandise. [Brother’s Name]. I also checked his id, first and last name. I hope this is all clear as I would hate to repeat myself and waste any more of my time.”

    Customer: “I… what is your name?!”

    Me: “We here at [Store] thank you for your business and your continued support. Please do not hesitate to shop again with us. And can you do me a favor?”

    Customer: “…what?”

    Me: “Have a lovely day.”

    (Her brother returned the next day to return the merchandise. He was denied.)

    Opinion-Hated

    | NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

    (I work at a very high-end store. One of the perks we enjoy is that every year we get exclusive collections of expensive clothing, furniture, and other household items that you wouldn’t be able to find anywhere else. On this particular day a woman storms up to my register brandishing a piece of silverware from one such collection.)

    Woman: “Hey, do you have any more of these in stock?”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am. We just got a fresh shipment in last week.”

    Woman: “Good, I’ll take two sets to be delivered to my apartment. And be quick about it! I have to catch a train in ten minutes!”

    (Ignoring her abrasive attitude, I quickly and efficiently ring her up, get her shipping details, and log the silverware to be sent off. She then practically rips the receipt out of my machine the instant it’s printed and runs out of my area. I think nothing more of this and go back to tidying the shelves up when, around an hour later, I get paged to help someone in the kitchen area nearby. Upon walking over I discover the same woman being helped by one of my co-workers.)

    Coworker: “Ah, [My Name], this woman here is wondering if we have any pots and pans that match the silverware she just purchased from you. Thought you might be able to help her out with that. She’s in a bit of a hurry.”

    (The woman looks at me and promptly turns sheet white.)

    Me: “Hello again! Um… did your train get delayed?”

    Coworker: “Train? No, she said she had a dental appointment.”

    Me: “Oh… well, I’m sorry. I heard train and—”

    (The woman promptly cuts me off with an agonizing scream.)

    Woman: “Okay I admit it! I hate your f****ing store and every d*** s***-head that works here! If I had my way I’d have had this whole block demolished decades ago, but you’re the only place that carries [Designer] brand exclusive items so I’m trying to just get my stuff and get out of here as quick as possible so I don’t have to spend too long speaking to you f***ers! There, you happy now?!”

    Me: *stunned* “Well… uh… not really, but if it helps at all you don’t have to lie to us like that. We can handle the occasional low opinion.”

    Woman: “Burn in Hell!” *storms out*

    Lack Of Appliance Compliance

    | Round Rock, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Money

    (I work in the appliances department of a popular home improvement store. Occasionally, I go to the customer service desk to help out. On this particular evening, a customer is arguing with my older, Irish coworker. I walk over to help out.)

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Coworker: “Oh, she refused her appliances and wants a refund.”

    Me: *to customer* “When were your appliances delivered?”

    Customer: “At five-thirty.”

    Me: “Today?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    (I check the time and see it’s only six-forty pm. The delivery company office closes at five pm and so do our venders.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. The delivery office is closed, and the notes indicating that you refused your appliances aren’t in the system yet. It won’t be until eight o’clock in the morning.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, once the notes are in, there’s a 72-hour wait until we get the identification numbers for the appliances. Then, we can process your refund.”

    Me: “We get the identification number from [appliance brand the customer bought from].”

    Customer: “No, no, no. I buy from [Store], not [Appliance Brand].”

    Coworker: “Yes, but we need those numbers in order to process the refund. The identification numbers let us know that the refused washer and dryer are back with [Appliance Brand]. Once the notes come in tomorrow morning, we’ll get the identification numbers and give you a call.”

    Customer: “No. I buy from [Store]. I want my money now!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is our policy with [Appliance Brand]. There is nothing we can do until the notes show up in the system tomorrow morning and—“

    (The customer grabs her paperwork and abruptly walks off to the appliance department. A short time later, another coworker calls me back to appliances because a customer wishes to return her appliances and get a refund. Low and behold, it’s the same customer.)

    Customer: *freezes upon seeing me* “He call you?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m the appliance specialist. What did you need?”

    Customer: *points to a stacked washer and dryer* “I want those.”

    Me: “Sure! I can set up an order for you.”

    Customer: “But I want credit from this to use to that.” *waves her paperwork in front of me*

    Me: “Ma’am, like I told you earlier, after the notes show up, it can take up to 72 hours for the identification numbers then—“

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you can’t refund me. I want to buy these.”

    Me: “And you can.”

    Customer: “Then give me my money.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t. Not until we get the identification numbers from [Appliance Brand].”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t buy from [Appliance Brand]. I bought from [Store]. You need to give me my money.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the store cannot process any refund until we get the identification numbers from [Appliance Brand]. Once we have those, you’ll get your money back. Without it, we cannot do anything, especially since there aren’t any notes in the system yet.”

    Customer: “And what if [Appliance Brand] goes bankrupt?”

    Me: “I…I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “What if [Appliance Brand] goes bankrupt? What happens to my money then?”

    Me: “Believe me, ma’am. [Appliance Brand] will not go bankrupt.”

    (Note: this particular appliance brand also makes TVs, laptops, and cellphones. It is practically impossible for them to go bankrupt. Especially in three days.)

    Customer: “I said ‘if’. If they go bankrupt. [Another unrelated company] went bankrupt and I lost my money. What do I do if [Appliance Brand] goes bankrupt?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s not really an issue nor a concern. You’re more than welcome to buy a new washer and dryer set, but you’ll have to wait 72 hours for your refund. I can show you some features this washer has—“

    Customer: “But I want my money. If you don’t give me my money, I’ll go broke. I spent $3,000! I’m broke because of you. I’ll complain to your boss!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do until tomorrow morning.”

    (The customer throws her hands up and promptly leaves the store. I relayed the story to my manager and Irish coworker. My manager laughed.)

    Coworker: “Serves her right! Coming in here like the f****** Queen of England. Bleh!”

    This Flowered Into Nothing

    | OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (It is pouring down rain, and I’m called outside to help a customer in the garden area. I get soaked within seconds, and find an elderly woman gazing at hanging baskets.)

    Woman: “I’m looking for flowers to refill my hanging basket.”

    Me: “Well, we have a large variety of flowers right now. All would look lovely in a basket, or we have the pre-filled baskets ready to go and in bloom.”

    Woman: “I want the same thing I got last year.” *looks at me expectantly*

    Me: “Uh… did you get it here? Perhaps a fuchsia?”

    (At this point I am shaking from cold and wondering what exactly she wants from me.)

    Woman: “Just grab the one I bought last year. I don’t know where I got it, but I want the same one.

    Me: I’m sorry; I don’t know what you had last year. Do any of these flowers look familiar?”

    Woman: “Oh, I don’t know. Why can’t you remember what I bought? I just want the same flowers! Just help me!”

    Me: *desperate to leave* “I think you bought fuchsias last year! Right here!” *shows her the plant*

    Woman: “Oh, yes, thank you! Oh, those are much too expensive. Well, have a good day!”

    (She bought nothing, took 15 minutes of my day, and left me sopping wet and freezing. I love customer service.)

    Loading Up Goodwill

    | Netanya, Israel | Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer at a popular Swedish cheap furniture mega-chain. On this evening I have just finished exchanging a disassembled table I mistakenly bought for the model I wanted. While I am loading the new box into my car, an older lady asks me to help with her new furniture.)

    Customer #1: “Excuse me, can you help me load this into my car?”

    Me: “But of course!”

    (As I load the woman’s furniture into her vehicle, a middle-aged man nearby sees me doing that and assumes that it is my job.)

    Customer #2: “When you’re done there, can you come help me?”

    Me: “Um, I don’t actually work here, but sure.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, you don’t? I’m sorry.”

    Me: “It’s no problem, I’ll help anyway.”

    (I help the man load his car, and he hands me a coin.)

    Customer #2: “Well here, take this for your trouble.”

    (I got a tip of 5 shekels – about $1.3 – without even working there.)

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