Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Casting The First Stone Cold Glare
    (1,656 thumbs up)
  • August Theme Of The Month: We Are Closed!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Home Improvement

    Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

    Time For Them To Make Like A Tree And Leave

    | Washington, DC, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a small landscaping company that does tree replacements for trees removed during construction on sewer lines. These replacements are monitored by the county. My boss (one of the company owners) is replacing a tree at a wealthy man’s house.)

    Boss: *to homeowner* “Hello, sir. We are with [Landscape Company]. We are here to replace your [tree].”

    Homeowner: “About time you guys got here. I’ve been waiting for my replacement tree for months!”

    Boss: “Sorry about the wait, sir. We have your tree ready to plant.” *gestures to the tree*

    Homeowner: “I don’t want that piece of s***! I want a cherry like my neighbor got!”

    Boss: “I’m sorry, sir, this is the species of tree that was removed from your yard according to my planting permit. Your neighbor received a cherry because that’s what was removed from her yard.”

    Homeowner: “I don’t give a s*** what kind of tree was in my yard or hers before! If you plant that tree I will rip it out of the ground myself!

    Boss: “Then you don’t want us to replace the tree?”

    Homeowner: “That’s what I just said, you idiot! You really don’t need to be smart to be a landscaper, do you?”

    Boss: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. We will do everything we can to fix the problem. If you could just sign this document saying you rejected a replacement tree we will get everything sorted out for you.”

    (The homeowner signs the paper then goes back in his house. My boss tells me to load the tree back in the truck.)

    Me: “So, do we have to get him that cherry?”

    Boss: “H***, no! He rejected the tree on our contract and confirmed he would rather not have a tree. We aren’t obligated to give him s*** now! If he had been a bit nicer I would have pulled some strings and gotten him that cherry but forget that!”

    (My boss called our contact at the county office and explained that the homeowner had declined the replacement tree and signed the rejection papers. Apparently a month later the homeowner called to ask where his tree was and received the news that he rejected his replacement and would no longer be getting a new tree.)

    Can’t Avoid This Going Down The Toilet

    | Rochester, NY, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

    (I take emergency maintenance calls from apartment complexes when the office is closed. A woman calls around 2 am.)

    Caller:  ”Why should I have to leave my apartment when I have to use the bathroom? That’s just not right.”

    Me: “I’ll call maintenance right away and send someone right over.”

    Caller:  ”Oh, he’s already here fixing the toilet. He’s been working on it for a while.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if maintenance is already working on the problem, I don’t know what you would want me to do.”

    Caller: “I thought you could tell me what I’m supposed to do until the toilet is fixed.”

    Perhaps This Isn’t Your Calling

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (I’ve just started a new job as a secretary for a house construction company. The former secretary is training me.)

    Former Secretary: “This job is a snap. Answering the phone is the easiest part. All they ever want is lot prices or house prices. Oh, the phone is ringing now; go ahead and answer it.”

    Me: “Good morning. Thank you for calling [Company Name]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I need you to fix my hot tub.”

    Me: “One moment please, sir.” *to the former secretary* “This guy wants us to fix his hot tub.”

    Former Secretary: “What?”

    (The former secretary takes phone, talks a little, and then hangs up.)

    Former Secretary: “He had the wrong [Company Name]. He thought he was calling the head office of the hotel he’s staying at.  That was weird. Oh, the phone’s ringing again.”

    Me: *answers phone*

    Caller: “THEY’RE CUTTING DOWN MY TREES! MAKE THEM STOOOPPP!”

    Me: “One moment please, sir.” *to former secretary* “Um, this guy says ‘they’ are cutting down his trees.”

    Former Secretary: “Are you kidding?”

    Me: “I thought answering the phones here was supposed to be easy?”

    Former Secretary: “It usually IS!”

    There Is Mulch To Joke About

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a cashier at a store that sells home improvement merchandise. I am working in the garden center. If the customer needs a large quantity of something they will pay for it first and pick it up in the parking lot where we keep a huge supply of mulch, soil, etc.)

    Customer: “Can I get 20 bags of mulch?”

    Me: *completely straight face* “No.”

    Customer: *dumbfounded look on his face* “Umm…”

    Coworker: “[My Name]!”

    Me: *with a huge smile on my face* “Of course you can!”

    (I ring the customer up and my coworker speaks to him.)

    Coworker: “Sorry about that, sir. She is mean to every 25th customer. Looks like you were the 25th.”

    (The customer paid and was chuckling and smiling as he walked out to his vehicle.)

    Not In Good Company

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s my first week on the job, working in a retail store selling bed linen, table linen etc. I take a phone call.)

    Caller: “I was in [different store] and they said you had covers for futons.”

    Me: “I’ll just check for you.” *put the phone on hold, and turn to a coworker* “Do we have futon covers?”

    Coworker: “No, but sometimes king sized quilt covers fit them.”

    Me: *gets back on phone* “No, I’m sorry. We don’t have futon covers but we do have king sized quilt covers that might fit.”

    Caller: “No, king quilt covers are too small for my futon and [different store] said that you would have them.”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t.”

    Caller: “But [different store] said that you had them.”

    Me: “They are mistaken. We don’t.”

    Caller: “They said you had them.”

    Me:  ”No, we don’t. The closest thing we have is king sized quilt covers.”

    Caller: “But [different store] said that you had them!”

    Me: “Maybe you could ring them back.”

    Caller: “Why?”

    Me: “To ask them exactly where we keep them. They seem to know more about this shop than I do.”

    Caller: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, they’ve told you that we, in a completely different company, have them and you believe them over me, who actually works in the company.”

    Caller: “Oh, you don’t have any?”

    Me: “No.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “Okay, bye.” *click*


    Page 1/1012345...Last