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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Home Improvement

    Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

    The Lawnmower Ban

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (My office line rings, and I answer.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Homeowner: *yelling* “YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL!”

    Me: “I’m… I’m sorry?”

    Homeowner: “YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL. THIS IS ILLEGAL!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I am not sure what you are referring to.”

    Homeowner: “YOU SENT ME A NOTICE ABOUT MOWING MY LAWN. I WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR SIX WEEKS. THAT’S NOT MY JOB. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME STAY HERE. IT’S ILLEGAL. I CAN TAKE A VACATION!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear about this, sir. If you could provide me with your name and address, I can look into this for you.”

    Homeowner: *gives name and address*

    Me: “Thank you, sir. It appears you were sent a courtesy notice as your lawn went un-mowed for two months, and your governing documents state it must be done every two-to-three weeks.”

    Homeowner: “IT’S NOT MY JOB! I WASN’T HERE! I AM ALLOWED TO LEAVE! YOU WANT IT DONE SO BADLY, YOU DO IT!”

    Me: “Sir, we are not the ones who set the rules; that would be the Homeowner Association’s Board of Directors. We work for them. If fact, this rule was suggested by a member of the Board of Directors… [Homeowner], about a year ago. If you would like, I can send you the minutes of the meeting in which you recommended this rule when you were on the Board?”

    Homeowner: *meekly* “I didn’t know I would go on vacation back then…”

    Works With Different Fibres

    | Finland | Bizarre, Home Improvement

    (During a day off, I get a phone call.)

    Me: “[My Name].”

    Caller: “Hi, this is [Caller], about [some renovation project]…”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Caller: “…Isn’t this [Plumber]?”

    Me: “No, this is a private number.”

    Caller: “Well, do you by any chance do plumbing for living or something like that?”

    Me: “Telecom engineer, so different kind of pipes. Sorry.” *click*

    Refunder Blunder, Part 15

    , | Olympia, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Home Improvement

    (I work the return desk at a home improvement store that’s going out of business. We stop accepting returns unless the item was purchased prior to liquidation, and there are signs posted everywhere stating all sales are final. An elderly gentleman walks up to the desk with an item return.)

    Me: *checking receipt* “I see this is a purchase made after the liquidation process started. I’m afraid all sales are final.”

    Customer: *sputtering* “Well, you should have signs posted warning people!”

    (I show him where the signs are.)

    Customer: “THOSE weren’t there when I bought this!”

    Me: “They have been there over a month.

    Customer: “Well, you should print it on the receipts, so people don’t waste time!”

    (I take out his receipt and show him the text.)

    Customer: “YOU JUST PUT THAT ON THERE, YOU LITTLE B****!”

    Related:
    Refunder Blunder, Part 14
    Refunder Blunder, Part 13
    Refunder Blunder, Part 12

    Not Quite Feeling This Request

    , | Madison, WI, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

    (An artistic, elaborately dressed woman wanders in and is standing by the paint samples in a melodramatic stance. I wander over.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: *gives me a withering look and says* “I’m looking for Bittersweet.”

    Me: “That doesn’t sound like one of our colors, but I can look it up in the database and see if we can match it.”

    Customer: “No… I’m looking for a color that invokes the feeling of bittersweet.”

    (I stand dumbfounded for a second.)

    Me: “So… is that like an orange or something?”

    A Slight Scratch In His Story

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (I work in a large home improvement store. I am taking a call from a customer in our appliance section.)

    Customer: “My toilet is scratched!”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir. Did we install it for you?”

    Customer: “No, a plumber did. But it was not scratched when he put it in!”

    Me: “What do you mean it was not scratched when he put it in?”

    Customer: “I cleaned it and then all these scratches showed up!”

    Me: “Uhm, what did you clean it with?”

    Customer: “Bleach!”

    Me: “Well, a lot of brands say not to soak in bleach because it takes off the glaze that helps the bowl stay clean. How long did it soak for?”

    Customer: “Overnight!”

    Me: “Well, sir, bleach is highly corrosive, and-”

    Customer: “I expect a full refund!”

    Me: “Sir, if the damage is caused by the customer, we cannot refund.”

    Customer: “Yes, you can! It was not scratched when I bought it!”

    Me: “That’s the point.”

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