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    Category: Home Improvement

    Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

    Like Sleeping On Heavenly Clouds

    | USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Religion

    (We sell mattresses. A customer does a lap around the store and stops at our most expensive beds.)

    Customer: “THIS BED IS ONLY $89?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, if you qualify for the four-year financing it’s $89 a month.”

    Customer: “Well, there’s no point in me financing a bed, Jesus is coming next year. Have a nice day”

    Me: “…”

    His Shopping Trip Came Crashing To The Floor

    | Agadir, Morocco | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

    (My dad had heard from a few friends of ours that it’s a good idea to wax the outdoors brick floors so they don’t absorb water. They gave him the name of the brand they use. He’s the slightly moronic customer in this one. We don’t speak French, and they rarely speak English in this area.)

    Dad: “I need [Brand] so I can wax our brick floors.”

    Employee: *points to bucket*  ”It’s for preparing walls before you put on tiles.”

    Dad: “No, no, it’s for waxing floors!”

    Employee: “Nnnnno, it’s for preparing walls before you tile.”

    Dad: “No, it’s not! I need to talk to your expert.”

    (An expert comes over, and tries to explain repeatedly what my dad is trying to buy.)

    Expert: “This is for preparing walls before you tile.”

    Dad: “You’re ALL clearly very wrong.”

    (My dad marched out of the store with a five-litre bucket. The bad news: My dad painted the entire roof terrace with sticky stuff meant to help tiles stick to the wall. The good news: He did a really neat job, and it _almost_ doesn’t feel like you’ve stepped in dry soda anymore.)

    Should Have Framed It Correctly

    | New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

    (I work in a framing store. I have been at this job only a couple of weeks when this happens – all I knew was basically that we sold frames. I need experience on the phone so I have to start taking calls. A call comes in.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [Company]. You’re speaking with [My Name].”

    Caller: “Oh, hi. I made an Internet order with you and you seem to have sent me the wrong size.”

    (We sometimes do Internet orders for pre-made frames. At this point I’m not super familiar with the sizes we can do.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that; if you pass on the details to me I’ll speak to my manager.”

    Caller: “That’s great. It was the tiger-lily, and you’ve sent me the size eight when I ordered the size ten.”

    Me: “Size eight? Uh… ok, well we may have to look you up in the system to find the details.”

    Caller: ‘Do you have a size ten?”

    Me: *totally confused but in it too deep now and the woman is getting angry* ‘Uh… I’m sure we can fix the problem for you. I’m just going to get my manager to look for your order and give you a call back.”

    (I take her name and details and end the call, thinking my manager can work out what’s happening, because I have no idea. She looks in the system for a customer order with an artwork described as ‘tiger-lily’ but finds nothing. I explain the size issue, but the sizing doesn’t match what we offer. My manager tells me to call the woman back and try to get more information.)

    Caller: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi there. It’s [My Name] calling back from [Company].”

    Caller: “Oh, hi.”

    (The caller thinks I’m the manager now, having just spoken to me five minutes ago.)

    Caller: “I made an Internet order for the tiger-lily and it’s the wrong size, and I just wanted to return it and get the right one. It’s the tiger-lily.”

    Me: *it’s starting to dawn on me what’s going on* “I’m sorry. Is this for clothing?”

    Caller: *angry now* ‘No! It’s the tiger-lily!! The bikini—”

    Me: “A bikini? We don’t sell those. We sell frames.”

    (Silence.)

    Caller: “Is this phone number [not our phone number]?”

    Me: “No, it’s [our phone number].”

    (Silence.)

    Caller: “I’m sorry I’ve called the wrong number.” *click*

    (Of course, now that I am experienced I would know the error straight away, but I have sadly not received such an entertaining call since that day.)

    The Sorry State Of Customer Service

    | Foley, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

    (It is my first day working the customer service desk, and a customer is cussing and yelling because I can’t do a return for him. One of my coworkers, famous for being very patient and good with difficult customers, happens to wander by. I’m nervous, so I flag her over.)

    Coworker: “Oh, [My Name], do you want some help?”

    Customer: “Help?! I need help! That f***** b**** won’t take back my return! This is s***!”

    Coworker: “Did you call the manager?”

    Me: “Yeah, and he said we couldn’t do anything.”

    Customer: “And that’s bulls***!”

    (My coworker looks unimpressed. I explain why we can’t do the return to her.)

    Coworker: “Hmm. Okay, well, I know he said no, but I think he’s actually wrong. I’ll take care of this. Sir, will you come with me?”

    Customer: “No! I’m standing here at this d*** desk until you fix my d*** problem!”

    Coworker: “Okay. Suit yourself.”

    (The customer keeps swearing and yelling until my coworker returns.)

    Coworker: “Okay, we’re going to make an exception. Boss’s orders.”

    Customer: “Finally! I’ve been here for f***** ever!”

    (I do the return, and as I’m about to hand the customer his money, my coworker holds her hand up to stop me.)

    Coworker: “Sir, I want to make it very clear that if I had any choice at all, I wouldn’t do this for you, and if you EVER come in here again and swear or yell at my coworkers, my boss, or me, I will personally see that you are escorted from this store, by the police if necessary. You should be ashamed of yourself for acting like this and making [My Name] feel like she’s not doing a good job because she is doing a marvellous one.”

    Customer: “I… I’m sorry.”

    Coworker: “No, you aren’t, and quite frankly, I don’t care. I’ve said my piece. Now here is your money, Sir. Have a splendid Thanksgiving.”

    A Bush In The Fridge Is Worth Two In The Bush

    | Oslo, Norway | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Politics

    (I work in the customer service desk at a large store selling domestic appliances. This day one of my ‘regulars’ came in. He’s a really old man – and he seldom files complaints, he just wants to know how his stuff is working, and maybe have a chat.)

    Me: “Hello. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: *whispering* “There was something wrong with delivery of my fridge. It came with something in it.”

    (I pull up his records, and see that he bought one of our display models earlier that week. It’s not seldom other customers leave soda bottles or other stuff in the fridges that’s out on the floor, and I immediately think that is the case.)

    Me: “Well, I’m really sorry, sir. But may I ask, exactly what was inside the fridge?”

    Customer: *still whispering* “George W. Bush.”

    Me: “Excuse me? What?”

    Customer: “The American ex-president. The younger one! He was in my fridge and now he’s on my living room floor, all tied up and ready to be shipped back.”

    Me: “Shipped back?”

    Customer: “Oh, don’t worry; I’m not going to have YOU do that, poor thing. I’ve called FedEx. I just wanted to let you know. ”

    Me: *not really knowing what I can do, other than play along* “Well, thank you then, sir. And sorry for your trouble. Is the fridge working okay, though?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, it’s totally fine! But you should really stop selling appliances with republicans in them. Could hurt your business.”

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