November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

Gunning For A Sale

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was calling to see if you sell bullets?”

Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “Do you sell bullets? Like for reloading?”

Me: *thinking maybe he is confused and needs the ‘bullet’ CO2 cartridges we sell for some of our air-powered nailers* “Bullets… as in bullets for guns, or…?”

Customer: “Yes! Bullets! For shooting!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we do not. We sell home improvement items and bullets are not a home improvement item.”

Customer: “…Are you sure?”

In Addition, You’re An Idiot

| Baltimore, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

(I am a cashier, with a customer hauling a rather expensive patio set along with some groceries in my line. I ring him up and show him the total.)

Customer: “That price is incorrect.”

Me: “I am very sorry, sir. I will have someone get a price check right away.”

(I have someone check the price of the patio set and it comes back the same as I had on the register.)

Me: “Sir, the price of that patio set is [price].”

(I show him the screen with a picture of his patio set and the price.)

Customer: “No, your total is wrong! I will show you!”

(The man then proceeds to take out a calculator and attempts to add up all his purchases.)

Me: “Sir, I can assure you the register has a built in calculator, so it does not make adding mistakes.”


(I have a rather long line building up by this point which has attracted the attention of one of my managers. She walks over and sees the man furiously typing away on his calculator.)

Manager: “Sir, what seems to be the problem here? Can I help you?”

Customer: “Your machine is broken!”

Manager: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “It’s not adding the total properly! This is very poor service!”

Manager: “One moment, sir.”

(My manager took me aside and told me to take my break. I did as she said, thankful to be out of there. Later, my manager came into the breakroom and told me that that was the third time that customer had done that in a week. Apparently he couldn’t afford the patio set so he thought he could swindle a cashier into giving it to him cheaper.)

This Is Not A Drill

| Grand Island, NE, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

(I’m at the service desk, finishing a battery replacement for a regular customer’s hearing aids. We’re having our normal chit chat; he loves talking about his grandkids. A woman enters, comes to the desk, and starts complaining immediately.)

Woman: “I don’t have this kind of time! Why are you doing his job? I need service.”

Me: “We always offer battery replacement.” *as I say this, I finish the replacements* “Okay, sir, you’re good to go! I’ll let [Cashier] know you’ve paid already. Have a nice night.”

Man: “Thank you. You get everything done so nicely.” *he heads out*

Woman: “Finally! My drill is broken. I want my replacement.”

Me: “Okay, let me see the drill and we can go from there.”

(She slams a drill from another chain onto the desk; it has a smashed battery pack.)

Woman: “There! It’s broken.”

Me: “This drill isn’t from here, and—”

Woman: “F****** liar! I want your manager!”

Me: *sees manager walking over due to her fuss* “Sure. Hey, [Manager], this customer wants to speak to you.”

Woman: “This b**** won’t replace my drill! I can’t use that one to hammer nails into concrete now.”

Manager: “Say what?”

Woman: “I need to hammer nails into my basement walls. This drill broke. How is that hard to understand? Give me my replacement!”

Manager: “First, that’s not a drill we sell. Second, our replacement guarantee only applies when the tool is used properly. It’s not a hammer, so it’s broken from misuse. Even if it was ours, we wouldn’t process a replacement.”

Woman: “How the f*** am I supposed to know I can’t use this as a hammer?! I’ll go get my own free replacement!”

Manager: “Okay. I’ll call the police.”

Woman: “F*** you! I ain’t violating my parole for you!” *she storms out*

Cashier: *over radio* “Um. Did that really just happen?”

(Two hours later, she returns with a drill now spray painted yellow. The cashier immediately gets the manager.)

Woman: “See! This is your drill! Give me my f****** replacement, you c***!” *slams drill and paint covered hand on counter*

Manager: “It still says [Brand] and the paint is coming off on your hand. Leave now; you’re now prohibited from coming in.”

Woman: “You can’t prove who I am.”

Manager: “Cameras are above you. Your fingerprints are on the counter. You have unique tattoos. You’re on parole. Pretty sure we can track you.”

(Customer ran out, and hasn’t returned.)

The Lawnmower Man

, | Manassas, VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(I am working at the store and witness a coworker have this exchange with an older male customer.)

Customer: “I want to return this lawnmower. It doesn’t work.”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem with it?”

Customer: “I told you: it doesn’t work. It did when I first bought it and then it stopped. It’s a lemon.”

Coworker: “Okay, well, we would typically attempt to get it repaired even if you return in so that we can still try and resell it. Is there anything specific about it not working that you can tell me?”

Customer: “No! It’s just a piece-of-s*** machine which is all this company seems to sell anymore! I want to return it for cash and take my business elsewhere!”

Coworker: “Sir, I appreciate that you’re upset but you need to mind your language. I will do my best to help you but you will need to calm down. Now, I have to ask a few basic questions in order to determine whether this machine really is defective. Did you use new gas when you filled the gas tank?”

Customer: *still irritated but calmer* “Yes, yes, of course I did. I’ve been using lawnmowers longer than you’ve been alive. I know how they work!”

Coworker: “And you used the proper weight and amount of oil as well?”

Customer: “What? I’ve never heard of putting oil in a lawnmower before! You don’t know what you’re talking about. Why would a lawnmower need oil?!”

Coworker: “Because it’s an internal combustion engine just like the one in your vehicle it just happens to be a smaller version.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***! Just refund my money so I can take my business somewhere with intelligent employees and decent products!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but every person who’s ever run a lawnmower knows that they require oil as well as gas and because you ran it without oil, you destroyed the engine. You invalidated the warranty by neglecting basic maintenance.”

Customer: “This is such bulls***! None of you are worth your pay! You’re all idiots! I’m going to [Competitor] and never shopping here again!”

Not The Four-Man For The Job

, | OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I work on a delivery truck for an appliance store. We work in teams of two to carry sometimes very heavy appliances through tight spaces and install them. Today, we have an exceptionally large fridge to deliver, and it needs at least 30 inches of space to get in. The customer’s doorways into the kitchen are 29 inches. The only other way in is through the back door, but we would have to lift the 400-500 pound fridge over a counter to get into the kitchen. For obvious safety reasons, we are supposed to call in to schedule a four-man delivery team to take care of tough jobs like this.)

Coworker: “Sir, unfortunately your fridge is too large for us to get it in. It will fit one way but we need to reschedule to have four guys come out to lift it.”

Customer: “No, it’s going in that house today.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have another team that can come out to help us today, and we still have five more deliveries to take care of today anyway.”

Customer: “I don’t f****** care! We aren’t rescheduling. You two are going to put that in the f****** kitchen right now!”

Coworker: “Sir, this isn’t something we can do with just two guys. And if you continue to yell and curse at us, I’m declining this delivery and we’ll leave right now.”

Customer: “I don’t see how that is my problem. You two just need to do your d*** job!”

Me: “Actually, it is your problem because YOUR house is too small to fit the fridge YOU selected. We’re trying to make this work, but you are being very uncooperative.”

(The customer continues to yell, curse, and threaten us, so we call in to our warehouse to tell our boss what’s going on. He gives us the ok to leave and says he’ll call the customer himself.)

Coworker: “Okay, sir, we’re putting the fridge back on our truck and leaving. Our boss will be calling you in the next few minutes to explain the situation and set up a four-man team.

Customer: “Don’t you dare put my fridge on that truck!” *to his wife, who has been standing there only marginally less belligerent the whole time* “If they touch that fridge, call the cops!” *to us again* “I’m gonna sue you for this!” *disappears inside house*

(My coworker and I start to put the fridge back on the truck, not too worried about the cops since the product is technically still ours, when he comes back out with an appliance dolly.)

Customer: “You leave that fridge right there! If you two f***s won’t carry it in I’ll do it by myself!”

(I look at my coworker, who’s been working here longer, to see if we can actually do that, and he shrugs.)

Coworker: “All right, sir, you’re welcome to try, but you’re probably going to dent and scratch the h*** out of your machine and house.”

(We left the fridge and drove off while the customer continued to curse at and insult us. A few days later I heard from another coworker who was on the four-man team. When he got there the fridge was still sitting in the customer’s garage and the doorways had been completely torn apart, but the customer apparently couldn’t manage to do it himself after all.)

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