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    Category: Holidays

    Even during the holidays, customers don’t seem to take a break. With that many extra light-bulbs around you’d think a few extra would appear above their heads?

    Dressing Up The Wrong Tree

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the fitting room in a clothing store on Christmas Eve. It is pretty dead until a customer walks up to me holding three tree skirts.)

    Customer: “Hi. Can I try these on?”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, you know those are tree skirts? Right? Those things you put around the bottom of a Christmas tree?”

    Customer: “Oh, I know. I just thought they’d make great Christmas ponchos!”

    Don’t Even Want To Know What A Milkshake Is

    | Lafeyette, LA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (My store is selling goodie bags of various candies as stocking stuffers. One of the candies we use are colorful chocolate-flavored spheres a little smaller than gumballs. We use only white ones for the goodie bags. The label refers to them as ‘snowman poop,’ with a little poem about how the child it’s for has been naughty. A couple roaming the store have caught sight of the goodie bags, and the man is particularly interested in the snowman poop.)

    Man: “Snowman poop? It’s normally marshmallows… He must have been constipated!”

    (I double over laughing, and the man begins cheering for himself for having caused such a reaction.)

    A Time For Giving (A Piece Of Your Mind)

    | Newark, DE, USA | Holidays, Religion, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’ve gone to pick up a few things. I am in the line for the register when I hear someone yelling. Since I’m a curious person and the store isn’t very busy, I leave with my cart to see what’s going on. I soon see a woman in her 30s lecturing a boy in his teens who works in the store.)

    Customer: “People like you disgust me! Not everyone is Christian! You shouldn’t tell people to celebrate something from a faith they don’t believe in! F*** you and your ‘Merry Christmas!’ religious erasure!”

    (The employee is clearly overwhelmed. He’s been very sweet in helping me in the past so, against my better judgment, I step in.)

    Me: “Even if you aren’t Christian, it’s still nice to hear that someone wants you to have a good holiday. Peace on Earth, goodwill towards man, not erasure. If you even bothered to talk to this guy for more than a few seconds you’d know how nice he is. He just wants you to have a good holiday season, lady.”

    Customer: “You, too! You’re just as rude and disgusting as this brat. I bet you and him go around thumping gays with bibles to turn them straight! I’m going to report the both of you!”

    Me: “Lady, I’m agnostic. That means I accept the fact that we don’t know for sure if there is a God or not. As such, I should just be the best person I can be because it’s the right thing to do. I love Christmas time. It’s full of love for everyone and it’s a time for family and friends to all come together. It’s full of people doing good for each other. If you don’t like people wishing you a good holiday just because of the religion that celebrates the holiday, you’re just as bigoted as the people who really do want erasure. Also, I’m bi. So I wouldn’t go around ‘thumping’ anyone for their sexuality.”

    (The customer sputters for a minute before storming off with her cart. The employee looks at me after a few seconds to calm himself down.)

    Employee: “I only said it because she said she was planning Christmas dinner…”

    Party Crashed And Burned

    , | Fairborn, OH, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (For the past couple of days we’ve had signs on our doors indicating the dining room would be closed for a Christmas party. The night of the party, I come up to the door carrying a dish in a stone pan. The manager opens the door to let me in when a customer runs past me, inside the dining room.)

    Me: “What was—”

    Manager: “Hold on.” *closes the door behind me* “Now we shouldn’t have customers trying to come in.”

    (I set the dish down and go to get my second load from my car. When I get back, a family of customers is seated in a booth next to the food my coworkers and I have brought in.)

    Customer: “Hey, you! What is with that food?”

    Me: “We’re having a Christmas party.”

    Customer: “You are?”

    (I look at my coworkers, and then at the decorations and the games we have set up.)

    Coworker: “Yes! We closed at nine.”

    Customer: “You did?”

    Manager: “We have signs up saying that we did.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t see those.”

    Manager: “Because you ran past my employee, who was carrying stuff in for it.”

    (The customer blushes and helps his family pack up to leave.)

    A Triple Rainbow Of Christmas

    | Wollongong, NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s the week before Christmas. We are run off our feet helping people choose gifts to buy. A customer rushes into the store.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. I’m looking for something for someone. What do you think?”

    Me: “Um… Who was it you were buying for?”

    Customer: “Oh, my daughter. I think she married badly. You know what it’s like when they go and do that.”

    Me: “What sort of thing were you looking for? Clothing? Jewellery?”

    (The customer starts flouncing around the store picking up random items. She turns with a necklace in hand.)

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know! Just something nice. I like this! It has rainbows! I like rainbows! Do you think she’ll like it?”

    Me: “I don’t know your daughter, ma’am. If you think it’s her taste, it’s on sale at the moment.”

    Customer: “I don’t know! I just want something. I like rainbows!”

    (She proceeds to flounce around the store picking up anything ‘rainbow.’)

    Customer: “Do you think she’ll like it? I like rainbows! Rainbows might make her happy!”

    Me: *aware of several other people waiting for me* “It’s a perfect choice. I think she will like it.”

    Customer: “I don’t know! I just want something… something nice. I like rainbows!”

    Related:
    A Triple Rainbow Of Pens

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