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    Category: Holidays

    Even during the holidays, customers don’t seem to take a break. With that many extra light-bulbs around you’d think a few extra would appear above their heads?

    More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 7

    , | Oregon, USA | Holidays, Top

    (I am a vampire at a haunted house. My costume includes fangs, a cape, and of course, I am drenched in blood.)

    Teenage girl: *looking extremely mad* “What is this?! They got your costumes all wrong!”

    Me: *snarling, not dropping character* “You smell delicious…it’s so rare we get fresh victims…”

    Teenage girls: “No, no, no! Vampires drink ANIMAL blood! And why aren’t you sparkling?!”

    Me: “Your neck…it’s so…inviting—”

    Teenage girl: “This is WRONG! You aren’t real vampires!” *stomps away*

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 6
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight

    The Adults Are Naughty, The Kids Are Nice

    | Nobelsville, IN, USA | Holidays

    (Over the holidays, I work as a Santa that little kids can take pictures with. One particularly large family cames through with just one little girl. She comes to me and we take a picture. While the rest of the family is looking at the previews for the picture, I’m talking to the child.)

    Me: “And what would you like for Christmas this year?”

    Girl: *goes through a few things*

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Girl: “Crabs.”

    (I pause for a moment and look up at the family with widened eyes.)

    Me: “Did I hear her right?”

    Family member: “What did she say?”

    Girl: “I want crabs.”

    (The entire family bursts out laughing at this point. One of the family members holds off laughing just long enough to describe to me a toy crab that the girl’s been asking for.)

    Me: “Oh, whew! I didn’t know what to think!”

    Not Quite As Provocative As I Recall

    | Syracuse, NY | Holidays

    (It is 6:00 AM on Black Friday. There is a queue waiting to come into the store as soon as I lift the gate. Once the gate goes up, the crowd surges into the store. Immediately, a customer pushes his way through the crowd and begins shouting to me.)

    Customer: *shouting* “Where are your ‘Touch Me, Big Guy’ toys?!”

    (Overhearing this, everyone in earshot goes silent.)

    Me: “Um, I don’t think we carry that toy.”

    Customer: “Of course you do! It is really popular this year! You rub and squeeze the toy’s stomach and it giggles in happiness! You know ‘Touch me, Big Guy’!”

    Me: “You don’t mean ‘Tickle Me Elmo’, do you?”

    Customer: “Is that what it is called?”

    (The crowd begins making noise again.)

    Customer: “I suppose you might be wondering what Christmas is like at my house.”

    Me: “No, sir, not in the slightest.”

    Don’t Mess With The Candyland Gang

    | Northamptonshire, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Holidays, Top

    (It’s 7 AM Christmas Eve, and our shop has only just opened. I am one of two checkout staff. There are three customers in shop, one of whom is acting edgy and therefore attracts my attention.)

    Me: *to my supervisor* “I think that guy put something in his pocket.”

    (My supervisor keeps an eye on man and sees him pocket a packet of sausages, so she calls security calls security. Half a dozen tall, bulky guys storm over to the checkouts. However, as it is Christmas Eve, they are all dressed up. Supervisor B, who is dressed up as an ice queen, complete with cape and crown, prevents the customer from leaving.)

    Supervisor: “Excuse me, sir, are you sure you’ve paid for everything?”

    Customer: “Um…”

    (He looks up in fear at my supervisor, who is flanked by an angel, a snowman, a Christmas pudding, a Santa, and a guy in a tutu and fairy wings.)

    Customer: “Oh, um, yeah, here’s some other stuff.” *empties pockets* “Sorry, excuse me.”

    (He tries to side step to walk around us, but stumbles into a 6-foot snowman complete with top hat.)

    Customer: “Excuse me…excuse me…excuse me!” *scurries out the door*

    You’d Need Nine Mouths

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Holidays, Religion

    (A customer walking by pauses at the holiday clearance display, where I am standing.)

    Customer: “Is this a musical instrument?”

    Me: “No, that’s a menorah.”

    Customer: “A what?”

    Me: “A menorah. The candleholder used in the celebration of Hanukkah.”

    Customer: “Do you know how to play it?”

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