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    Category: Holidays

    Even during the holidays, customers don’t seem to take a break. With that many extra light-bulbs around you’d think a few extra would appear above their heads?

    Black & Blue Friday

    | Natchitoches, LA, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I normally avoid Black Friday sales because of the madness that ensues. However, a few years ago, a retailer put a sewing machine on sale and I desperately wanted a new one so I went with my aunt and cousins. Not wanting to be in the way, I put my machine in my cart and moved so that I was well out of the way while my relatives shopped.)

    Woman: *rams the back of my legs with her heavily-ladened cart* “Watch it!”

    Me: “Excuse you! There was plenty of room for you to get by! Why the h*** did you do that?”

    Woman: “I didn’t see you there! You shouldn’t hide like that!”

    Me: “I was right in front of you! How could you miss me?”

    Woman: “Well, you’re just so short that I didn’t see you!”

    Me: “Really? That’s the best excuse you’ve got? Lady, there’s NOTHING blocking your view of me and I’ve got BRIGHT RED HAIR! I’m also wearing a WHITE shirt that has a HUGE Mickey Mouse printed on it! So, how in the world did you NOT see me?”

    Woman: *meekly* “I’m so sorry.” *runs off*

    Monster Having A Ball

    | CO, USA | Holidays

    (I’m working as a sign waver for a popular Halloween-themed seasonal retail chain. Because of the theme, I’m dressed in costume. I’m approached by a pair of teenage girls, but because I’m a little guy, I’m shorter than they are.)

    Girl #1: “Hey! What are you supposed to be?”"

    Me: “I’m a pumpkin ghoul.”

    Girl #2: “Would you be mad if I pushed you over?”

    Me: *taken aback* “I believe I would. Though, because I was summoned unwillingly into this world to advertise for [Halloween chain], I am still a monster.”

    Girl #1: “Okay, that’s creepy.”

    (The two then run away as quickly as they could after exchanging uneasy looks.)

    Me: *calling after them* “Have a happy Halloween!”

    All Judgments Are Final

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bizarre, Holidays

    (It’s after Halloween, so we’re having a clearance sale on Halloween decorations. A customer outside walks by the storefront window, sees the decorations, and stomps right through the entrance to me.)

    Customer: “YOU! Can you explain this?” *points back to the decorations*

    Me: “The Halloween decorations?”

    Customer: “Don’t act dumb! Why are they still here!?”

    Me: “Well, Halloween was just last week, so we still have some decorations left over. They’re on sale for 50% off.”

    Customer: “How DARE you sell those devil items in the store!!”

    (Note: these “devil” items were plastic bags of fake spider webs, smiling cutesy ghosts ornaments, Halloween window stickers and bat-shaped confetti.)

    Me: “Um, ma’am? No offense, but we always sell those during Halloween.”

    Customer: “I KNOW. I just want to know why on earth you would try to sell those AFTER Halloween!”

    Me: “Well, since they’re still in stock we’re having a clearance sale and are trying to get rid of—”

    Customer: “Do you worship the devil?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Only a devil worshiper would do such a thing! Your establishment is based on Satanism! You’re going to burn!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t appreciate—”

    Customer: “Everything you touch is d***ed!”

    (Fed up and frustrated with her offensiveness, I talk back.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I guess that means you’re d***ed too, since you’ve deliberately walked onto tainted soil.” *points down to where she’s standing*

    (The customer’s eyes bulge out as she looks at her feet and then back at me. Then, without warning, she frantically SPRINTS OUT OF THE STORE, pushing my manager out of the way and almost knocking him down.)

    Manager: “What the f*** was that about?!”

    Whoever Said Easter Isn’t Egg-citing Is Hopping Mad

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

    (This happens around Easter. A man in an Easter Bunny suit comes riding a unicycle into the parking lot and enters the shop.)

    Me: “Hey there, Easter Bunny!”

    Easter Bunny: “Donuts? Sick! I’ll have three strawberry, three cherry, and three blueberry, glazed, and with frosting and sprinkles!”

    Me: *hands him the bag* “Anything else?”

    Easter Bunny: “Nah! Donuts! Sick!”

    (The Easter Bunny suddenly SLAMS his head on the counter, which would have been quite painful if not for the headpiece on his costume. An egg rolls out seemingly from nowhere and onto the counter. He walks out without another word, hops onto his unicycle and rides off. The egg contained exact change—plus a labeled five dollar tip!)

    Always Right, Even When Completely Car-razy

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Holidays, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (It’s Christmas time, and the parking lot has completely filled at the mall where I work. A shuttle is actually taking customers from a stadium across the highway where they are letting us overflow traffic. We’re busy at work when we hear a loud crash outside. An SUV has jumped the curb, onto the sidewalk and slammed into a willow reindeer in front of our window. We all rush out, to see if anyone was hurt, in time to see a woman getting out of the driver’s seat.)

    Manager: “Are you alright?!”

    Woman: “The only thing not alright here is your godd*** parking lot. There’s no f***ing parking anywhere!”

    (Cursing up a storm, she yanks two kids out of the backseat and starts walking away.)

    Manager: “Hey, you can’t leave your car here!”

    Woman: “The h*** I can’t! There’s no other godd*** place to park!”

    (Right after she leaves, security arrives. Our store’s door is partially blocked for an hour while they tow the car, and we fill out paperwork with her description and the police are called to assess the damages. Just before close, the woman and her kids, all laden with shopping bags, come storming into our store. She notices her car is missing and begins screaming and yelling. I run to telephone security.)

    Manager: “Mall security towed your car because—”

    Woman: “The h*** they did! You took the car!”

    Manager:I took it?”

    Woman: “You and your little girlies over there must have pushed it somewhere! Where is it?!”

    (She barges past the manager, through the store, and into the backroom. A moment later, we hear screams and something smash. I get off the phone with security and rush back to find she has smashed our employee coffee pot and is knocking over boxes. Seeing me, she shoves back onto the selling floor, and starts knocking over fixtures and mannequins. The manager has rushed all other customers to the fitting rooms for their safety. Grabbing her kids, the woman heads for the door and is literally tackled by mall security. She not only ends up arrested for property damage and assault charges, but they find shoplifted items in her bags. The clincher? She wrote in to corporate later, complaining about our customer service and demanding a free gift card!)

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