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    Category: Holidays

    Even during the holidays, customers don’t seem to take a break. With that many extra light-bulbs around you’d think a few extra would appear above their heads?

    Always Right, Even When Completely Car-razy

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Holidays, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (It’s Christmas time, and the parking lot has completely filled at the mall where I work. A shuttle is actually taking customers from a stadium across the highway where they are letting us overflow traffic. We’re busy at work when we hear a loud crash outside. An SUV has jumped the curb, onto the sidewalk and slammed into a willow reindeer in front of our window. We all rush out, to see if anyone was hurt, in time to see a woman getting out of the driver’s seat.)

    Manager: “Are you alright?!”

    Woman: “The only thing not alright here is your godd*** parking lot. There’s no f***ing parking anywhere!”

    (Cursing up a storm, she yanks two kids out of the backseat and starts walking away.)

    Manager: “Hey, you can’t leave your car here!”

    Woman: “The h*** I can’t! There’s no other godd*** place to park!”

    (Right after she leaves, security arrives. Our store’s door is partially blocked for an hour while they tow the car, and we fill out paperwork with her description and the police are called to assess the damages. Just before close, the woman and her kids, all laden with shopping bags, come storming into our store. She notices her car is missing and begins screaming and yelling. I run to telephone security.)

    Manager: “Mall security towed your car because—”

    Woman: “The h*** they did! You took the car!”

    Manager:I took it?”

    Woman: “You and your little girlies over there must have pushed it somewhere! Where is it?!”

    (She barges past the manager, through the store, and into the backroom. A moment later, we hear screams and something smash. I get off the phone with security and rush back to find she has smashed our employee coffee pot and is knocking over boxes. Seeing me, she shoves back onto the selling floor, and starts knocking over fixtures and mannequins. The manager has rushed all other customers to the fitting rooms for their safety. Grabbing her kids, the woman heads for the door and is literally tackled by mall security. She not only ends up arrested for property damage and assault charges, but they find shoplifted items in her bags. The clincher? She wrote in to corporate later, complaining about our customer service and demanding a free gift card!)

    Happy Order-Dependence Day

    | Great Neck, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays

    (A patient wants to reschedule their appointment. Since she’s said she’s unavailable at every time I’ve given her, I suggest she let me know when she’s available.)

    Patient: “How about July 4th? I could come in at 1:00.”

    Me: “Well, we’re closed for the holiday.”

    Patient: “What holiday? There’s no holiday then!

    (Before I can answer, she figures it out.)

    Patient: “Oh…wait. July 4th must be the 4th of July!”

    Related:
    The Fourth Is Not Strong With This One

    Love Can Drive You Crazy

    | Orange County, CA, USA | Bizarre, Holidays

    (It’s Valentine’s Day, and my mom is getting a new cell phone. Except for the salesman, my mother, and me, the store is empty. We are making small talk as he is setting it up.)

    Salesman: “…yeah, my neighbor’s been really mad at me lately. It’s weird.”

    (Suddenly, a lady bursts into the store, COMPLETELY decked out in Valentine’s Day wear. She even had those little heart antennae things that little kids wear.)

    Valentine’s lady: “I just saw your commercial on TV, and my daughter’s phone is all messed up! It’s your fault! My daughter’s phone is all messed up and now she can’t call! Your commercial is misleading! You have TERRIBLE MARKETING!”

    (Without another word, she storms out.)

    Me: “Was that your neighbor?”

    Salesman: “I have no idea who that was…”

    Just In The St. Nick Of Time

    | Pennsylvania, USA | At The Checkout, Holidays

    (It’s five minutes before closing Christmas Eve, and I’m handling the register. A man and woman walk up with a just few bottles of soda, so I wave them in and turn my lane’s light off.)

    Me: “Good evening!”

    Woman, to the man: “Get the cart.”

    Man: *wanders off*

    Me: “So, ready for the holidays, I take it?”

    (I finish scanning a 2-liter bottle of soda and start to scan the second one; this shouldn’t take much time at all. The woman interrupts me.)

    Woman: “There’s more.”

    (I am confused, but then see the man return with a large cart used for stocking the shelves. It’s stacked completely full with RACKS of the soda product.)

    Man: *points to the giant pile of sodas* “That’s 80 bottles in one, 58 in the other…”

    Me: “Okay, then. This might take another minute or two…”

    (Note that the store closes at 6 pm. I’m a minor, so I can’t be late clocking out. I therefore scan as quickly as possible and ring up her total.)

    Me: “All right, there we are! Your total is [nearly $200].”

    (It’s now a minute before closing. I think I’m in the clear, when…)

    Woman: “Here’s $100, but let me pay the rest with these!” *hands me stacks of $5 bills*

    (I am completely stunned now. Fingers flying, I count out the huge bill, finally finishing right at 6 pm on the dot.)

    Me: “Okay…you’re good to go! Hope you have a great holiday!”

    Woman and man: *says absolutely nothing in return and leaves with their huge cartful of sodas*

    (Thankfully I got out of there right on time!)

    More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 7

    , | Oregon, USA | Holidays, Top

    (I am a vampire at a haunted house. My costume includes fangs, a cape, and of course, I am drenched in blood.)

    Teenage girl: *looking extremely mad* “What is this?! They got your costumes all wrong!”

    Me: *snarling, not dropping character* “You smell delicious…it’s so rare we get fresh victims…”

    Teenage girls: “No, no, no! Vampires drink ANIMAL blood! And why aren’t you sparkling?!”

    Me: “Your neck…it’s so…inviting—”

    Teenage girl: “This is WRONG! You aren’t real vampires!” *stomps away*

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 6
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight


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