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    Category: Holidays

    Even during the holidays, customers don’t seem to take a break. With that many extra light-bulbs around you’d think a few extra would appear above their heads?

    Happy Spanksgiving

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Holidays, Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I am at the airport heading home for Thanksgiving. As I put my laptop back in my bag after security, a present for my dog—who stay with my parents while I’m at college—falls out.)

    Other Traveler: “Dear, you dropped your handcuffs. Wait. Are handcuffs allowed? Sir!” *signals a TSA agent* “She has handcuffs!”

    (The TSA agent walks over and speaks to me, somewhat confused.)

    TSA Agent: “Something about handcuffs?”

    Me: *holds up the toy: three connected, tightly woven rings*

    TSA Agent: “I see.” *to the other traveler* “Miss, those are not handcuffs, and please don’t call us like that; it could cause a panic.”

    Woman: “Oh, so handcuffs are allowed?”

    Me: “It’s for my dog. It’s a toy.”

    Woman: “Oh, such a kinky thing to call your boyfriend! You naughty thing!”

    (The agent and I share looks, but I decide to let her have her idea. Next, I take out the scarf I bought my dog to tie around the rings.)

    Woman: “…And a gag too? Lord girl, what will your parents think?!”

    TSA Agent: “That she’s giving me a better busy Thanksgiving day at work than I thought!”

    The Grinch Comes Earlier Every Year

    , | IN, USA | Holidays, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month

    (I have rung up a customer, and hand her the food. She is getting ready to drive away.)

    Me: “Have a happy Thanksgiving!”

    Customer: *yelling fairly loudly* “Well, that was rude! It’s ‘Happy Holidays.’ Saying Thanksgiving is politically incorrect! Stupid girl!”

    Before Black Friday Comes Brainless Thursday

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays

    (Our store is open on Thanksgiving, and I’m one of the unlucky few scheduled to work. This means I don’t get to go to the traditional feast. Nobody is happy, and the store is mostly dead. We have more or less the same exchange with the few customers who come in.)

    Customer #1: “Dear, you shouldn’t be working on Thanksgiving! Do you get to see your family at all today?”

    Me: “No, we close too late. But it’s not really that bad in the end.”

    Customer #2: “That’s still awful. You girls should all be home eating and enjoying yourselves!”

    Customer #1: “It’s shameful they make you come out and miss a holiday just for money and greed.”

    Customer #2: “I know! Why in the world would anybody be open on Thanksgiving?”

    (At this point I am bored, depressed, tired, as well as hungry.)

    Me: “If people like you did not insist on shopping today, we wouldn’t be open. Everyone would be at home where they wish they were.”

    (Surprisingly I was not fired, or even written up. The manager was just as annoyed at having to work as I was!)

    Too Much Information For Too Little Intelligence

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “I saw a paper shredder on your website saying it’s 50 bucks off for your Black Friday sale. Is that true?”

    Me: “Probably… let’s check the flyer.”

    (I look, but can’t see it in the flyer anywhere.)

    Me: “Was it possibly an online-only sale that you saw?”

    Customer: “No, it said online and in store, Friday only!”

    Me: “Okay, let me check the website, then. I don’t see it in the flyer for some reason.”

    (I look it up and see that it is in fact advertised on our website, from Friday-Tuesday.)

    Me: “I’m not sure why it wasn’t in our flyer, but yes, there is a paper shredder for 50 dollars off for the Black Friday sale. The sale starts on Friday, but for this item, it will still be on sale until Tuesday. I would still come in on Friday though, just in case, because they might sell out on the first day.”

    Customer: “Ugh! Is it on sale on Friday, or not!?”

    Me: “Umm, yes. It goes on sale on Friday and stays on sale until Tuesday.”

    Customer: “So, it’s on sale on Friday?”

    Me: “…Yes.”

    For You, We’re Always Closed, Part 2

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (Our restaurant is, and always has been, closed on only two days a year: Thanksgiving and Christmas.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’d like to make reservations for Thanksgiving.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, we’re closed on Thanksgiving. Would you like a reservation for another day?”

    Caller: “But your website says you’re open.”

    Me: “Occasionally our website has tricky wording; perhaps it was another of our locations that’s decided to remain open for the holiday.”

    Caller: “No, it says you’re open.”

    Me: “I assure you, ma’am, we are closed on Thanksgiving.”

    Caller: “It says you’re open. I’d like to make a reservation for Thanksgiving.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we are only closed for Thanksgiving and Christmas, as it’s been for the past six years. I promise you, we are not open on Thanksgiving.”

    Caller: “BUT IT SAYS YOU’RE OPEN. YOU’RE OPEN! I WANT A RESERVATION!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure what to tell you. We are closed on Thanksgiving. No one will be here to cook for you.”

    Caller: “I JUST WANT A FREAKING RESERVATION!” *click*

    Me: *to my manager* “Well… that was fun.”

    Related:
    For You, We’re Always Closed

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