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  • Got Him Out Of A Pickle
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    Category: Holidays

    Even during the holidays, customers don’t seem to take a break. With that many extra light-bulbs around you’d think a few extra would appear above their heads?

    More Thanks-taking Than Thanksgiving

    | Kansas City, Mo, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Holidays, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working in a grocery store meat department on Thanksgiving day stocking the hams and turkeys as fast as I can. I have just announced over the speaker that we have five fresh, unfrozen turkeys left, and we are waiting for the rush of people to get them. When there is only one left, predictably two customers grab for it.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, this is mine. I saw it before you did.”

    Customer #2: “No way! I walked all the way across the store to get it. It’s mine! I’m going home with it.”

    Customer #1: “Why don’t you get a ham or something? I need this turkey for my dinner tonight. You can get something else.”

    Customer #2: “Listen, you fat cow, you can buy the f****** ham. I’m getting this turkey.”

    (At this point I figure I’d better get involved and run over.)

    Me: “Ladies, we do have fresh turkey breasts available as well as hams and ducks. There are even a couple of geese leftover—”

    Customer #2: “F*** you! I’m getting this d*** turkey and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

    (Customer #2 then shoves her cart into the other woman, causing her to fall into the display of stuffing next to her, and runs off with the turkey. Hoping it’s over, I go to help the other customer up, but she slaps my hand, gets to her feet, and tackles the other customer. I call security. Before they can get there I see that Customer #3 has spotted Customer #1′s now abandoned cart and purse. She runs over and dumps Customer #1′s purse into her own and then grabs just about everything out of her cart including a bag of prescription medication, before running off. I shout at her but she disappears into a crowd of people. Customers #1 and #2 are now rolling on the floor in the bread aisle while security is trying to pull them apart. While this goes on, Customer #4 approaches Customer #2′s cart and grabs the turkey and most everything in her cart. Security eventually pulls them apart and they are both arrested. Sadly, Customer #3, who stole Customer #1′s purse, is never caught as the cart was in a blind spot.)

    Door Busted

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Holidays

    (A customer comes into the store three days after Black Friday.)

    Customer: “Yeah. I’m looking for that Toshiba TV you had for Black Friday.”

    Me: “The exclusive one that we carry?”

    Customer: “I think so.”

    Me: “The door buster deal that no other competitor could beat?”

    Customer: “Sounds like the one.”

    Me: “The product that 1,000 people got in line for days in advance in order to be the first and only ones to get it?”

    Customer: “Yep, that’s th— Oh… ”

    Me: “Yeah… About that…”

    Customer: “Yeah. Never mind.”

    The Bruise Is A Ruse

    , | Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Holidays

    (The restaurant I work for allows us to dress up on Halloween, provided we do not wear a mask or anything revealing, too scary, or otherwise inappropriate. I dress up like a female biker as this is the easiest way to dress up and still follow the rules. To add little extra touches to my costume I would slap on some fake tattoos and use makeup to create a black eye. I am working drive thru and a few people comment on the black eye, but would just remark on what a good job I had done with the makeup. Then a gentleman pulls up to the window.)

    Customer: “Oh, my God. Are you okay?”

    Me: *joking* “Yeah. You should see the other guy, though.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “You mean to tell me a MAN did that to you! I thought you got into a fight with another girl!”

    Me: “No, sir. No one did this to me. It’s makeup.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? You don’t have to lie if someone is hitting you.”

    Me: “I’m perfectly aware of that, sir, but I assure you it’s just makeup. See?”

    (I wipe my finger on the ‘bruise’ and show him the color on my finger.)

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I thought I was going to have to beat someone up for you.”

    Me: “I can tell you right now: if someone ever hit me I would make sure they SERIOUSLY regretted it immediately!”

    Customer: “I bet you would!”

    A Very Close Knit Community

    | USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Holidays

    (Occasionally customers bring in presents for the staff to show their appreciation. Normally it is cookies or flowers from their yards. Some of the newer staff are still getting used to this generosity. One afternoon in mid-November a woman brings in something different.)

    Customer: “Pick one.” *lifts a a large, clear garbage bag full of brightly colored knit scarves onto the counter*

    Me: “Oh, wow. What is the occasion?”

    Customer: “It’s the holidays! I made all of these and I want to share them!”

    Me: “Are you sure? That’s very thoughtful! You’re a much more prolific knitter than I am.” *carefully removes a scarf from the bag*

    Customer: *quickly moves to my coworker at an adjacent desk* “Here! Pick one! Merry Christmas!”

    Coworker: *looks up startled*

    (I shrug, smile, and go into the work room to tell the other staff what is going on.)

    Coworker: “Thank you. That’s very sweet.” *gingerly picks a scarf*

    (The customer manages to find every staff member in the building and give them a scarf. She leaves immediately afterward.)

    Coworker: “So, uh, do you guys all know her? Does she do this every year?”

    Me: “I have… never seen that woman before in my life.”

    Driving Down Route 66(6)

    | VA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Holidays, Religion, Top

    (It is late evening, a few days before Halloween. My coworker at the register has been dealing with an irate woman for several minutes. She is ranting about the cheap decorations hanging on our door. As a result a line is forming behind her.)

    Customer: “I’ll never shop here again! Everything in here is cursed! You’ll be attracting the demon spawns of the devil!”

    (I come up to the second register to deal with the line forming behind the customer. Most of the other customers shift over to me, but one younger woman is watching the first customer rant. Suddenly, the younger woman turns and runs out of the store. And a second later, she comes back in wearing the most amazing, and yet disgusting, full-head mask I’ve ever seen. It looks like a rotting deer, complete with antlers, shaggy fur, and wide dead white eyes. The younger woman walks up to the ranting customer and clears her throat loudly.)

    Younger Woman: *to my coworker* “Dude, I need $20 on pump four for my ‘Hell-mobile.’” *turns to the first customer* “And what’s your problem with us demons, anyway? Even the devil needs a place to buy gas and beer.”

    (The first customer turns and stares at the younger woman for a long moment. Then the first customer actually screams and runs out of the store, leaving all of her items behind.)

    Younger Woman: “I hope that lady wasn’t buying gas. I don’t think she’s coming back.”

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