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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Holidays

    Even during the holidays, customers don’t seem to take a break. With that many extra light-bulbs around you’d think a few extra would appear above their heads?

    A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (It’s Christmas Eve. I’m waiting tables with one other waitress for the night at a diner. This waitress is a sweetheart, but has had a terrible year. She was evicted from her apartment shortly after her boyfriend died, leaving her a homeless single mother, crashing on couches, trying to finish her last year of nursing school. A man who comes in regularly asks to be placed at one of her tables. He orders a single cup of coffee, and asks for the check.)

    Customer: “Miss, I have my money to pay.”

    Waitress: “All right. So, that’s $1.10.”

    (The customer takes her hand in his, places a wad of money in it, and closes it.)

    Customer: “Merry Christmas. Keep the change.”

    (He left without saying another word. She opened her hand and burst into uncontrollable tears when she found $500.00 with a note that said ‘For Mama and Baby.’)

    The Application Of Reality

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It is the Saturday before Christmas and the store is extremely busy. Every employee is required to work, and even the store manager is on the sales floor helping customers.)

    Customer: “I need you to help me find this item from your ad.”

    Me: “Certainly. Just let me finish with the customer I am helping now, and then I can help you.”

    Customer: “I can’t wait for you to finish. Isn’t there someone else who can help me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it is extremely busy today. I will be with you as soon as I can.”

    Customer: “I want to see your manager. This is unacceptable.”

    Me: *pointing to the register next to me* “She is with a customer right now, but I’m sure she will be happy to speak to you once she has finished.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! You need to hire more help!”

    Me: “You are absolutely right, and as soon as I finish with this customer I will be happy to get you an application.”

    The Diet Of Tomorrow

    | Temagami, ON, Canada | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s just after Christmas:)

    Customer: “Hi, do you have [popular diet book]?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, we have no copies left in store. It is on order and more will arrive in mid-January, if you can wait that long.”

    Customer: “Sure, that’s fine. I have a lot of chocolate to eat before then anyways.”

    Dozed And Disrobed

    | NY, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a popular women’s clothing and lingerie chain. It’s around five pm on Christmas Eve, shortly before we close. A middle aged man hurries in and has me direct him to our very diminished bathrobe section.)

    Customer: “…you only have four bathrobes? I need a medium for my wife and these are all extra small!”

    Me: *trying to joke a little* “Yeah, looks like the elves cleaned out all of the robes, I’m sorry about that. Do you think she would like pajamas instead? We have quite a few flannel sets left in medium—”

    Customer: “No, she said she wanted a robe! Don’t you have any more in the back?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’ve checked the back a few times for other customers today, so I know for sure that these are the only few we have left in the store.”

    Customer: *raising his voice and throwing his hands in the air now* “I don’t believe this! It’s f****** ridiculous that this is all you have!”

    (He storms away from me and out of the store before I can reply. My manager, who had been behind the cash register during this, came over to me, shaking her head.)

    Manager: “What’s even more ridiculous is that he waited until CHRISTMAS EVE to go shopping and expected to find the stuff he was looking for…”

    Get Into The Antichrist-mas Spirit

    | Ocean Springs, MS, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (There is soft Christmas music playing overhead.)

    Customer: “Can you change this to Christmas music? Put it on [FM radio station].”

    Me: “Christmas music is currently playing and this is satellite radio.”

    Customer: “No, this is about Santa. SANTA equals SATAN! So change it to [FM radio station], now!”

    Me: “Sir, once again, it’s satellite radio. I can’t change it to a local station.”

    Customer: “So I have to sit here and listen to this?!”

    Me: “No, you may leave.”

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