• Understood The Concept Swimmingly
    (1,592 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Category: Holidays

    Even during the holidays, customers don’t seem to take a break. With that many extra light-bulbs around you’d think a few extra would appear above their heads?

    Christmas Eve Reprieve

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a pet groomer in a very affluent part of town. It’s Christmas Eve and people have been calling and showing up all day expecting to have their pets groomed on the spot. I’ve been dealing with irate clients all day who don’t understand why I’m not open Christmas Day, when a regular calls:)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Regular: “Are you open today?”

    Me: “Yes, but we’re all booked up-”

    Regular: “Are you open late tonight?”

    Me: *sighs* “We’re open this evening, yes, but—”

    Regular: “Great, I’ll be by around 5:30.” *click*

    (Sure enough, the customer shows up at 5:30 knocking on the door.)

    Me: “Hi, [Regular], I actually don’t have any spots open…”

    Regular: “Oh, I assumed. I just wanted to bring you a Christmas card and some special dog treats for you. You’re always so accommodating and wonderful. I just wanted to say thank you. Merry Christmas!” *whisks away*

    Me: *speechless*

    The Hairs Are Out Of Place

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s a week or two before Christmas, and like usual, my mother has taken my brothers to get their hair cut. Although I’m not getting my hair cut myself, I tag along since we’re going gift shopping afterwards. As my youngest brother is sitting in the chair, the lady across the aisle from him is holding a particularly loud conversation with her hairdresser, who is agreeing with what she says to keep her calm, although he doesn’t actually agree with her at all.)

    Lady: “Oh, I just hate Christmas!”

    Hairdresser: “Why’s that?”

    Lady: “It’s such a stressful time of year! I mean, you’re expected to buy gifts, put up a tree, decorate, and to top it all off, the wives have to cook the meals and host the family!”

    Hairdresser: “Yes, it can be hard, can’t it?”

    Lady: “I don’t get why we can’t all just up and leave! Why should we have to put up with this dratted holiday? It’s not a holiday at all! We have to slave away in the kitchens for hours, and what do we get for it? It’s a social issue; that’s what it is.”

    Hairdresser: “It is hard. I would agree with you there.”

    Lady: “Honestly, why people bother. They need a life; that’s what they need.”

    (By this stage, I had had enough, as Christmas is my favourite holiday and don’t enjoy it being dissed. Against my better judgement – and somewhat to my mother’s horror – I step in.)

    Me: “Excuse me, lady. ”

    Lady: “You talking to me?”

    Me: “Yes, I am talking to you. I appreciate that Christmas can be a stressful time. You don’t have to enjoy it. If you don’t, then don’t celebrate it. But please, the rest of us love and enjoy Christmas. In case you haven’t noticed, this hairdresser shop has both tinsel and lights up, as well as a tree, and has carols playing in the background. I think I am speaking for all of us here when I say that we love Christmas, and we don’t appreciate having our holiday ruined by someone who is too much of a Scrooge to realise what the holiday is all about.”

    Lady: “Well I never! [Hairdresser], kick this young girl out at once! I won’t have her treating me in such a way!”

    Hairdresser: “Actually, ma’am, she’s a regular here, and has had her hair cut here every year since she was born. Also, she has a point. You’ve done nothing but complain about this time of year which is supposed to be about love, generosity, peace, kindness, and joy. You have spent the past 30 minutes disturbing our other customers and potentially ruining their holiday season with your miserable ways. If it weren’t for the fact that you’ve only had half your hair cut, it is sopping wet and you’re under the hair dryer, I would have kicked you out myself a good 15 minutes ago for being a public disturbance. Now please, allow me to finish your haircut in peace and then leave the premises immediately.”

    Lady: “This is disgraceful! Not in the spirit of Christmas at all! I’m leaving!”

    Needs To Inspect Their Own Irony

    | Suwannee, GA, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s Christmas Eve, and we are slammed with everyone coming to get that last final checkup before going on vacation.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Auto Shop]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to have my car inspected. I’m getting ready to go on a long trip and I don’t have much time. Can you get this done quickly?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, we have about a one hour wait before we can get you in.”

    Customer: “Wow, I didn’t think it would be this busy being it’s the day before Christmas. You know if people didn’t come in on holidays the big corporations wouldn’t open their doors on them.”

    Me: “So that’s a no to the inspection?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I totally want to still do it. I’m just saying.”

    Christmas Twine, Mistletoe, And Whine

    | UK | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s Christmas Eve. The phone rings and I answer it.)

    Customer: “Hello, I saw in your catalogue that you sell cooking twine.”

    Me: “Yes, we do sell cooking twine.”

    Customer: “I need to order some; I need it for tomorrow.”

    Me: “I would be happy to reserve you some and you can pick it up later on in the day?”

    Customer: “No, that won’t work; I live 60 miles away. You’ll have to post it to me.”

    Me: “Are you asking me to post an item out to you so it arrives on Christmas morning?”

    Customer: “Are you telling me you can’t help me? You are disgusting. You’ve ruined my Christmas and my family’s Christmas!”

    In A Happy Holi-daze

    | MI, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    Cashier: “Will these books be all for you today?”

    Me: “Yep!”

    Cashier: “Well, you have a very Merry Christma—”

    (The cashier peers at my Star of David necklace with Hebrew engraving.)

    Cashier: “—AND I hope you had a wonderful Hanukkah!”

    (The cashier then waves to everyone waiting in line to get their attention.)

    Cashier: “Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Spiritually Fullfilling Equinox, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!”

    (The whole line applauds and laughs.)

    Me: “That was awesome!”

    Cashier: “I know that Happy Holidays covers everything, but wouldn’t it be awesome if I knew all of them just in case?!”