• Holy Guacamole, Get Off The Phone!
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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Category: Holidays

    Even during the holidays, customers don’t seem to take a break. With that many extra light-bulbs around you’d think a few extra would appear above their heads?

    Can’t Find Your Cross To Bear

    | TX, USA | Holidays, Religion

    Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me find some cross stickers?”

    Me: “Well, our stickers are over here… Let’s see what we have.”

    (We look around. We can’t find any cross stickers.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am…”

    Customer: “Isn’t it just a shame how Christians are persecuted in the country?”

    Me: *not a Christian* “Uh… they’re kind of seasonal? We had lots around Christmas and Easter.”

    Customer: “Well, I guess I’ll try again. But we really shouldn’t be persecuted like this, don’t you think?”

    Me: “Uh… good luck finding your stickers.”

    Take Your Hat Off To Their Detective Skills

    | UK | Criminal/Illegal, Holidays

    (A customer has been telling me about all the break-ins recently over Christmas, and how a lot of houses have been robbed in the village.)

    Customer: “Yeah, the police told us that a CCTV camera caught some young guy wearing a woolly hat.”

    Me: *looks up at customer who is wearing woolly hat*

    Customer: *quickly snatches hat off his head* “Oh, my, it’s not me. NOT ME!”

    Happens Every Holiday

    | Newmarket, England, UK | Holidays

    (I am working on a till on a bank holiday Monday. I have finished scanning items, the client is paying, and we are engaging in small talk:)

    Me: “The weather is good for a bank holiday, isn’t it?”

    Customer: “Yes, isn’t it lovely that everybody gets to enjoy a day off?”

    Me: “…”

    (I am clearly not here for fun!)

    Had A Mourn-day Thursday

    | Europe | Holidays, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working in a call centre for a large company. This weekend was our weekend off because of the Easter celebration. A colleague, located somewhere else in Europe, is backing our line while we are away.)

    Customer: “Hello, I am looking for [My Name]. I have talked to him before and need help from him.”

    Coworker: “Well, [My Name] has his day off because of Easter.”

    Customer: “GOD D*** IT! Why should he celebrate Easter? I need help with my product NOW!”

    Coworker: *pulls up the file* “Well, I can see here that you were supposed to call him on Thursday to let him know about the issue.”

    Customer: “Thursday? No, I couldn’t. I took the day off because of Easter.”

    Annual And Null

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays

    (It is the Monday after Thanksgiving. A patient calls the office absolutely irate.)

    Patient: “I just wanted to tell you I was here last Thursday for my appointment and no one was at the office! What are you going to do about this?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, last Thursday was Thanksgiving.”

    Patient: “I know that! I gave up time with my family to drive all the way over there to my appointment and you couldn’t even bother to come in! How unprofessional can you be?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’ve NEVER been open on Thanksgiving. Our schedule isn’t even set up to accept appointments on that day.”

    Patient: *smugly* “Then how come I have an appointment card for [date]? Hmmm? I’m looking at it right now.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know. Let me look into this.”

    (Puts patient on hold and checks schedule. The next is said in my most sickeningly sweet voice.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re right. You did have an appointment on [date]—”

    Patient: “You see?! How unprofessional!”

    Me: “—last year. When we were open. The card you have is over a year old.”

    Patient: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?!” *click*

    Me: *to the dead phone* “Well, maybe if you’d clean your purse out more than once a year?”

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