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    Category: Holidays

    Even during the holidays, customers don’t seem to take a break. With that many extra light-bulbs around you’d think a few extra would appear above their heads?

    Trying To Encourage Independent Thought

    | Paradise Island, The Bahamas | Holidays, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m decorating our storefront for Independence Day, which is July 10th. In 1973 we gained independence from Britain, though we are still part of the British Commonwealth. The glass doors are decorated with American colours for July 4th and the whole front of the store is decorated with Bahamian colours for July 10th. An American tourist walks up with her husband.)

    Tourist: “Miss! You’ve got the date wrong, and why are you using those colours?”

    Me: “Oh, yes, ma’am. Bahamian Independence Day is the 10th. These are the colours of the Bahamian flag. I’ve decorated the front door with red, white, and blue for Americans like yourself!”

    Tourist: *looks puzzled for a moment* “But Independence Day is on the 4th…”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, in the US it is, but here it’s the 10th.”

    Tourist: “But it’s July…”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. A strange coincidence that they are both in July, isn’t it?”

    Tourist: *finally looking resolved* “No! This isn’t right; you should have the right date and colours like every other state, even if you’re on an island!”

    Me: “But we aren’t a state… We aren’t even part of your countr—”

    Tourist: “State, member, province, whatever, that is no excuse to act un-American! Darn islanders…” *she walks off as her husband glares at me over his shoulder*

    Number Of The Beastly Coincidences

    | Uckfield, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Holidays, Money

    (I work in a small corner shop. It is Halloween and we’ve been busy on-and-off with kids making their way around the estate and trick-or-treating, and coming in to buy drinks. I’m approached by a kid I estimate to be in his early teens.)

    Me: “Hey, kiddo! Having fun?”

    Kid: “Yeah, not a bad haul so far. Just a bit thirsty; nobody hands out drinks!”

    Me: “No, I suppose they’re bulkier and more expensive, too.”

    Kid: “Yeah you’re probably right and th—” *sees the total on my screen* “Aww £6.67? Come ON! Could you give me a penny discount?”

    Me: “Er….

    Kid: “Guess my maths isn’t as good as I thought. I wanted it to be £6.66 for Halloween!”

    Me: “Well, I’m not authorised to give discount unless the items are damaged but [Similar Drinks] are a penny cheaper so you could swap out one of your [Original Items] if it really bothers you that much?”

    Kid: “Yes, please! One sec while I take this back and swap it!”

    (By this point there’s a small queue and the boy’s friends, who are waiting outside and clearly can’t hear what he’s doing but see him sprint back to the fridges, yell through the door for him to hurry up.)

    Me: “Okay, buddy! That’s now £6.66.”

    Kid: “Thanks! Can I get a receipt?”

    Me: “Sure, have a good Halloween!”

    (As the kid approaches the door he starts waving his receipt at his friends.)

    Kid: “Guys! GUYS! LOOK! Weirdest coincidence ever! I just grabbed some random drinks and the total was £6.66. How spooky is that?!”

    (The customer behind him turned to me and just raised her eyebrows!)

    Demands Are Reaching Breaking Point

    | Hartford, CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays

    (It is Thanksgiving night and our store has been open for about four hours already. It’s been very busy and we have a much larger than normal team to oversee. A woman has approaches my coworker, asking about a certain item.)

    Coworker: “Well, I’m not sure. Let me find someone to ask.”

    (He calls on his walkie for that section and gets no response. I happen to be walking by when he stops me and asks if I know.)

    Me: “Sorry, I really don’t know at all. Who’s here right now?”

    (The guest meanders off a few feet looking at another display. We look at the schedule trying to find who is here and not on break since we all came in around the same time and by law need a 30-minute non-paid break.)

    Customer: “I just don’t understand what is taking so long. Why is it so d*** hard to find someone? Why can’t anyone just get this item for me?”

    (As this goes on my coworker is trying to get someone to answer on the walkie.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. But we can’t leave the front end because of how busy we are. If you can give me just a moment, please. I need to check the schedule before I can call someone. We’re just trying to find out who is here and not on break right now.”

    Customer: “Well why would they be on break?”

    Me: “We all came in around the same time to open the store tonight and we have to stagger our breaks, so I just need a moment to find out who is on the floor right now.”

    Customer: “I just don’t understand why the hell anyone would be on break! They’re here to work! Not to take a break! They need to get back to work! This is bad business!”

    Me: “Do you take a break at work?”

    Customer: *scoffs* “Well, of COURSE I do!”

    Me: “Then wouldn’t you think we should get a break, too?”

    Customer: “No! Not tonight! This is different! Why is no one able to help me!”

    (By some miracle, God smiles down on me and someone from a nearby section answers on the walkie and says to send the guest down.)

    Customer: “Finally! This shouldn’t have taken so f****** long! I’ll be calling corporate!”

    Me: “You do that. Happy Thanksgiving!”

    Very Closed Minded

    | Bastrop, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays

    (The store that this takes place in is open 24/7 and is only closed for Christmas Day. One night, around 9:30, a customer calls the store and I answer it.)

    Me: ”[Location] [Store] customer service. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was calling to ask when you close tonight.”

    Me: “Customer service or the store?”

    Customer: “The store.”

    Me: “The store stays open 24 hours, ma’am.”

    Customer: “No, no, no. When does the store close?”

    Me: “It doesn’t. It stays open 24/7.”

    Customer: *sounding annoyed* “NO! I’m not asking when it is open I want to know when it CLOSES!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the next time we’ll close, excluding things beyond our control, will be 8 pm on Christmas Eve.”

    (After hearing that, the customer starts to yell into the phone.)

    Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A F*** WHEN IT CLOSES CHRISTMAS EVE! I WANT TO KNOW WHEN IT CLOSES TONIGHT!”

    Me: *wincing and pulling the headset from my ear as a pair of customers approach the counter* “Ma’am, please don’t yell. I am attempting to tell you that the store does not close.”

    Customer: “NO, YOU ARE JUST F****** TELLING WHEN IT F******* CLOSES ON GODD*** CHRISTMAS EVE, WHEN IT’S JUST APPROACHING EASTER!”

    Me: “Listen, ma’am, the store DOES NOT CLOSE UNTIL THEN!”

    Customer: “BULL-F******-S***! YOU’RE NOT TELLING ME YOU CLOSE BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO WASTE MY FUCKING GAS GETTING OVER THERE ONLY TO HAVE YOU SHOO ME AWAY!”

    Me: “Listen, if you cannot understand that WE DO NOT, I REPEAT, NOT CLOSE, then I don’t know what to tell you.” *click*

    (I turn to the two customers who’ve been waiting at the counter.)

    Me: “Sorry about that. How can I help you?”

    In-Store Customer: *chuckling* “So, when do you close?”

    Political Correctness Takes A Holiday

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Holidays, Religion, Top

    (I am the third customer in line. There’s a woman at the register, then a man dressed in a way that clearly indicates he is a Christian minister. It’s two days before Thanksgiving.)

    Cashier: “Thank you and I hope you have a great holiday.”

    Customer: “A great holiday? What the f***! It’s Merry CHRISTMAS. I am so tired of this PC bull-s***, you stupid little—”

    Minister: “Maybe she was talking about Thanksgiving.”

    (The customer turns around snarling.)

    Customer: “Shut the fu… uu…”

    (She trails off when she notices his outfit. She blushes furiously, gathers her bags, and rushes out. The minister steps up.)

    Minister: “Which candy bar is better, the plain chocolate or the almond?”

    Cashier: “The almond is good!”

    (The minister adds that to his purchases. After he pays, he hands the cashier the candy bar.)

    Minister: “I hope you have a fantastic holiday.”

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