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    Category: History

    Customers who don’t remember history are not only doomed to repeat it, but in some of these stories, to completely rewrite it!

    Been To Hell(‘s Angels) And Back

    | WA, USA | Awesome Customers, History, Top

    (Our theatre has a lecture series where authors give presentations. One presenter is a Holocaust survivor. I am very surprised to see a large and stereotypical ‘biker’ come in. He has a leather vest, sleeveless shirt, tattoos, and a beard. As the holocaust survivor is presenting, two teenage boys are being very rowdy and whispering to each other.)

    Boy #1: “God! When the f*** is this going to be over?”

    Boy #2: “I don’t know. Can we just go now?”

    (They stand up, and attempt to leave. The biker stands up, removes his sunglasses, and addresses the teens.)

    Biker: “Listen here you little s***. This sweet little old lady has gone through more s*** then you ever will in your life. I advise you to sit your little punk-a** down, and pay her the respect she deserves.”

    (The boys sit down, intimidated. The biker receives a round of applause and a hug from the lecturer. I refund his ticket, and offer him free entrance to all our lectures. He’s been to each and every one since.)

    Dinosaur-Brained

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Family & Kids, History, Pets & Animals, Top

    Customer: “Excuse me, will my son like this for his birthday? He loves dinosaurs.”

    (I examine the gift; it’s a set of various plastic fossils.)

    Me: “Well, it depends on how into dinosaurs he is. If he just thinks they’re cool, then it’ll be fine. If he’s into palaeontology at all, though, he’ll be disappointed because none of those are actually dinosaurs.”

    Customer: “What? Don’t be stupid! He loves dinosaurs! I know what a dinosaur is!”

    Me: “Well, right there you have a Pterodactyl, two Synapsids including the famous Dimetrodon, a Plesiosaur, and a Tiktaalik. None of those are dinosaurs. They’re not even all reptiles, or Mesozoic.”

    Customer: “What do you know? God, you kids these days are so rude! I know what a dinosaur is.”

    (She buys the toy set and leaves in a huff. A week later, I’m working as a cashier when she comes back.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to return this.” *shows me the very same fossil toy set*

    Me: “Oh, yes, I remember. Would you like me to help you find a dinosaur toy to get instead?”

    Customer: “You? God! Look, missy, he just didn’t like them because they weren’t scientifically accurate, okay? These are dinosaurs! They lived a thousand years ago! Do you think I’m stupid!?”

    Me: “Ma’am, you clearly are just as intelligent as you present yourself to be.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m glad you realise it.”

    History Needs Repeating

    | TN, USA | History

    (A customer calls, asking if we have ‘War and Peace’.)

    Me: “No, we do not.”

    Caller: “I want you to tell me all the titles of the books you have.”

    Me: “We have over 100,000 books.”

    Caller: “What types of book?”

    Me: “Fiction, mystery, how-to, true crime, western, history.”

    Caller: “What is history?”

    Me: “Like the Civil War.”

    Caller: “You mean War and Peace?”

    Me: “No, like World War 2.”

    Caller: “There was more than one?”

    There’s No Reason We Can’t Be Civil

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Awesome Customers, History, Top

    (I am a Civil War re-enactor. I am returning home from an event, still in my full Union uniform, and I make a quick stop at a major computer store. On this day people are being distracted by an angry customer who is throwing a loud fit. He is complaining that the store doesn’t carry a transmitter for his 40-year-old receiver.)

    Customer: “I’ve been shuffled from one store after another to find this part! I can’t believe you don’t carry it! You’re all just a bunch of f***ing nerds caught up in your modern computers! You’re just trying to talk me into buying a computer, but I’m not having anything to do with that!”

    Employee: “Sir, I promise you that I’m not trying to get you to buy a computer. But if you’re looking for an outdated part, we can try and find it for you online.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***. You’ll look stuff up online, steal my credit card information and make me buy a computer! I’m on to you a**holes and the way you use your nerd skills to rip people off and spy on them! I’m not having anything to do with your modern bulls*** technology!”

    (I finally step up next to the customer and loudly speak to the employee.)

    Me: *to the employee* “I’m sorry, does this mean you can’t help me fix my telegraph?”

    (The angry customer turns and gives me a sharp look. His face flushes between surprise and confusion as he sees me in my Civil War uniform, but as he opens his mouth to continue, most everyone surrounding us starts laughing. He turns red and storms out of the store.)

    Employee: *to me* “God bless the Army of the Potomac!”

    Weekly Roundup: Historical Hijinx

    | Not Always Right | History, Roundups

    Historical Hijinx! From vampire-hunting presidents to Viking chicken nuggets, for these customers, history is a complete mystery!

    1. (Not One Of) History’s Mysteries (5,123 Thumbs Up)
      For this customer, Cowboys & Indians are as fictional as Aliens & Zombies!
    2. S.H.I.E.L.D. Me From This Stupidity (1,468 Thumbs Up)
      We wish Captain America were the real deal, but for this 45-year-old moviegoer he’s a real American hero.
    3. Being The President Sucks (2,892 Thumbs Up)
      Yes, it’s true: Abraham Lincoln had a Stake in preventing the Twilight of our democracy!
    4. Pages Of A Post-Apocalyptic Persuasion (3,196 Thumbs Up)
      We’ll all be drinking Nuka-Cola if this customer’s search for World War 3 history bears mutfruit.
    5. Little Nuggets Of Interest (2,964 Thumbs Up)
      A child gives an Irish tour guide a real “nugget” of historical Viking wisdom!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!


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