Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • God Loves Little Girls Who Stand Up For Others
    (2,648 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: History

    Customers who don’t remember history are not only doomed to repeat it, but in some of these stories, to completely rewrite it!

    Tour Guides Are Ready To Answer All Questions And ‘The Question’

    | Derbyshire, England, UK | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, History, Top

    (I work in a museum located in an Elizabethan manor house, which naturally shows a few signs of wear and tear. Today, I’m in a room with a large crack across the wall. I’m also a huge fan of the television show ‘Doctor Who.’ I carry a toy sonic screwdriver in my bag and have the phone number that is suppose to be the Doctor’s keyed into my phone. A young boy and his parents come into my room and spot the crack.)

    Boy: “Look, Mummy, a crack! It’s The Silence!”

    (The Silence are a race of monsters that created cracks in time and cause you to forget them as soon as you stop looking at them. His parents look pained, so I step in.)

    Me: “Don’t worry kid; this museum is a monster-free zone.”

    Boy: “How do you know? You might have just forgotten them.”

    Me: “Nah, The Doctor came and checked the crack for us; he said it’s fine.”

    Boy: “Really? You’re not just making that up?”

    Me: “Of course not! I’ll prove it.”

    (I pull the sonic screwdriver out of my handbag, and the boy’s eyes go wide.)

    Me: “See? The Doctor gave me this just in case one turns up, but I’ve never had to use it yet.”

    Boy: “Wow!”

    Me: “And if I really get into trouble…”

    (I pull out my phone, bring up my contact list and show him the number listed as ‘The Doctor.’)

    Me: “…he told me just to give him a call and he’d come right over.”

    Boy: “AWESOME!”

    (The boy is delighted for the rest of the visit, and his parents thank me profusely. Apparently he’d been skittish of cracks since the episode went out, and I’d been the first person to reassure him completely. Later, my boss came round with a thank you card they’d got me, addressed to ‘the Doctor’s companion.’ It made my day!)

    The First And True Language Of America

    | Santa Fe, NM, USA | Bigotry, History, Language & Words, Top

    (I’m waiting in line behind a woman speaking on her cellphone in another language. Ahead of her is a white man. After the woman hangs up, he speaks up.)

    Man: “I didn’t want to say anything while you were on the phone, but you’re in America now. You need to speak English.”

    Woman: “Excuse me?”

    Man: *very slow* “If you want to speak Mexican, go back to Mexico. In America, we speak English.”

    Woman: “Sir, I was speaking Navajo. If you want to speak English, go back to England.”

    Seen One, You’ve Seen A Mall

    | Washington, DC, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, History, Theme Of The Month

    (I live near DC, so I am used to hearing tourists and tour groups ask very stupid questions. A group of out-of-state high-school kids are walking near me between two museums.)

    Teenage Girl: “So… where are we right now, anyway?”

    Teenage Boy: “In DC.”

    Teenage Girl: “No, I mean, like, where in DC are we?”

    Teenage Boy: “Oh, we’re on the National Mall.”

    Teenage Girl: “Nuh-uh!”

    Teenage Boy: “Yeah we are. Look at your map, right here.”

    Teenage Girl: “No way! Are you SERIOUS?”

    Teenage Boy: “Yeeeah…”

    Teenage Girl: “That doesn’t make ANY sense!”

    Teenage Boy: *silence*

    Teenage Girl: “So, wait… you mean the National Mall isn’t, like, you know… an actual MALL?”

    Teenage Boy: “Nope, but all the grass is 20% off!”

    Let’s Play The Generation Blame

    , | UK | Bizarre, History

    (I am in the fitting rooms. An older customer is waiting for his grand-daughter to try on some clothes.)

    Customer: “Been working long?”

    Me: “No, I only do eight hours a week because of college.”

    Customer: “Huh. Eight hours! I used to go to college six hours a day, and then work for 48 hours! Kids these days are lazy.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “And you know what wage I was on! £1! That’s right. You kids have your ‘minimum wage’ and your ‘rights.’ I got £1 for 48 hours and some weeks, I wouldn’t even get paid if I didn’t do my job well!”

    Me: “Oh…”

    Customer: “So, going anywhere nice this summer?”

    Me: “I’m going to Spain in July.”

    Customer: “You know some people go on holiday and just go from the hotel to the beach and back again. That’s not a holiday! You should be out exploring! Is that what you do?”

    Me: “Not usually. Usually I go looking at castles and other historical places. But this time I’m going with friends, sort of a last holiday before we all separate for University. So we’ll mostly be on the beach.”

    Customer: “LAZY! THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE! ALL YOU DO IS STAND HERE IN THE FITTING ROOM, GABBING OFF, AND THEN YOU GO ON TONS OF HOLIDAYS A YEAR AND LIE ON BEACHES! SOME OF US WORK FOR A LIVING! IF YOU GOT UP OFF YOUíRE A*** AND GOT A JOB, YOU’D SEE YOU CAN’T JUST SIT AROUND ALL DAY!”

    Ye Olde Fool

    | Belgium | Health & Body, History, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I am breastfeeding my three-month-old baby quietly in a corner of a medieval festival. I am a participant. In front of me is a display of medieval stuff that I make. A tourist is passing by, and sniffs.)

    Tourist: “Like they did that in the middle ages!”

    Me: “Do you mean the breastfeeding? Of course they did; how else would they feed their baby?”

    Tourist: “If you knew a bit about history, you would know that they hired other women to feed the baby.”

    Me: “It is true that high-born ladies hired nurse maids to feed their baby and look after them, but how do you think these hired women fed the baby?”

    Tourist: “With a bottle of cow’s milk of course! Jeez!”

    Page 4/13First...23456...Last