Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Your Connection Is Totally Forked
    (1,984 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: History

    Customers who don’t remember history are not only doomed to repeat it, but in some of these stories, to completely rewrite it!

    Sound Of The Penny Dropping

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, History, Money

    (We get a lot of people call us up when they find old banknotes and coins. Mostly, they’re worthless.)

    Customer: “I’ve found a really old £1 note, and I want to know if it’s worth anything?”

    Colleague: “Is there a signature on the front?”

    Customer: “It’s ‘DHF Somerset.’”

    Colleague: “Ah, well, that note was produced in the early 1980s. It’s not worth anything.”

    Customer: “No, it’s much earlier than that! It has the dates ’1642 to 1727′ on the back, and a picture of Isaac Newton. That’s very old!”

    Colleague: “Those are the dates he was alive. Besides, if it was produced back then, they couldn’t have put a picture of the current Queen on the front. Could they?”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Common Knowledge Has Deserted You

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, History, Tourists/Travel

    (We get a lot of people from different countries or other states who know nothing about Texas.)

    Tourist: “So is the Alamo like out in the desert or something?”

    Me: “Oh, have ya’ll not been downtown yet? It’s pretty much smack dab in the middle of the city.”

    Tourist: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “It’s not like in the movie. The city has grown around it,. It’s actually one of the more boring missions that’s pretty much completely covered by urban sprawl. I you want to see more traditional missions you should try San Jose or the other ones in the National Park areas.”

    (They’re silent for awhile while I guess they’re having trouble with the term ‘missions.’)

    Tourist: “Where’s your desert, anyway?”

    Me: “Um… Like, 400 miles west of here?”

    Tourist: “So, we’re not in Texas yet?”

    Making A Moat Point

    | England, UK | Extra Stupid, History, Tourists/Travel

    (I am a tour guide at a medieval castle. The moat to this particular castle was filled by diverting a channel of the river that runs directly past. We’re standing beside a large model of how the entire area looked in 1754 AD.)

    Tourist: “So, ma’am, how did they fill the moat?”

    Me: “Well as you can see here, a channel was dug to divert the water into the man-made moat.”

    Tourist: “So, how did they FILL the moat?”

    Me: “Um… With water from the river, flowing into the ditch. The ground could get pretty waterlogged but that worked as extra defense in times of siege.”

    Tourist: “Yes, but how did they get the water from the river INTO the moat?”

    Me: “Er… They used a bucket chain?”

    Tourist: “Ahh, I see. Thanks!”

    French Disconnection

    | Quebec City, QC, Canada | Bigotry, Geography, History, Language & Words, Top

    (I’m a customer in a very small boutique that specializes in selling Quebec-made items. It is a slow day and I am alone with the shop owner who helps me choose a gift. A man storms in and goes straight to the owner with a really angry face. The owner sees him and welcomes him in French.)

    Owner: “Bonjour, Monsieur. Comment puis-je vous aider?” *Hi, sir. How can I help you?*

    Customer: *loud and angrily* “ENGLISH! Do you even speak it?”

    Owner: “Of course, sir! How are you today and how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Finally! Someone who’s speaking English! I don’t know what the h*** is going on but everyone in this f***** town is speaking some kind of weird gibberish!”

    Owner: “Actually, they are speaking French, sir, as do most people in the province of Quebec.”

    Customer: “What the h***?! We are not in f***** France! This is America and people speaks god d*** American! I don’t understand what the fuss is about! Is this some kind of a weird hipster thing? Young people trying to be cool or whatever?!”

    Owner: “I’m sorry, sir. Is there anything I can do to help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for a poutine recipe book. Do you have any?”

    Owner: “Of course! Right this way, sir.”

    Customer: “Why do people want to speak French anyway? It is a dead language like Latin or Greek. We are in America and America is for American speakers! We don’t need no foreigners to come here and bring their weird language. And you shouldn’t encourage them by greeting American customers, in America, with any other language than American!”

    Owner: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can no longer pretend that what you are saying is not wrong. Just so you know, people are speaking in French because Quebec was colonized by France more than 400 years ago. Quebec City is actually the oldest city in North America and has always been French. That is why everything from the street names to the billboards are in French! The Canadian dollar you’re holding is in both languages. Even the name poutine is French! Did you do any research before coming here?”

    Customer: *hesitating* “Well, yeah! But the brochure was in English! How was I supposed to know that poutine was a French word. We have that in New York!”

    Owner: “First of all, you can find pretzels in New York and those are German, or gelato which is Italian! It just proves that languages get mixed and influenced with time. That is also why there are cities in the United States that have French names, such as Baton Rouge or Des Moines! Those are all proofs that the French were present in North America hundreds of years ago! H***! Even the term ‘brochure’ is French!”

    Customer: “That is irrelevant! You are all just lazy for not learning American! You live in the past, holding to some old bull-s*** language!”

    Owner: “Well, I AM speaking English! And, by the way, it is ‘English’ and not ‘American’ because that language originated from England and not America. But I am also speaking French. How many languages do you speak?”

    Customer: “I speak English and English only! I don’t need to know any other language!”

    Owner: “Who’s being lazy, then?”

    Doesn’t Even Know Where To Start(er)

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, History, Top, Transportation

    (I work at an auto parts store in a small town in the Appalachian foothills. I am talking to an elderly customer.)

    Customer: “I need a starter for my 1990 Plymouth Acclaim.”

    Me: “Alright. There were two different starters used on that car. One was made by Bosch, and the other was made by Mitsubishi. Do you know which one your car has?”

    Customer: “No. I don’t. I’ll have to find out.”

    Me: “Well, it’s okay. They will both work interchangeably. Just be aware that they do look completely different from each other, The one I sell you might look different, but it will still fit and work fine. It looks like the Mitsubishi starter is less expensive, so I’ll grab that one for you. Okay?”

    Customer: “Now hold on a second. I don’t want no Mitsubishi anything! Don’t you know? Japan was against us in World War II!”

    Me: “Alright, sir. I’ll get you the German-made Bosch starter.”

    Customer: “Now, that’s better!”

    Page 3/1312345...Last