November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: History

Customers who don’t remember history are not only doomed to repeat it, but in some of these stories, to completely rewrite it!

A History Of Petty Crime

| Montreal, QC, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, History

(I am working at the register at the time. Our clients often come after they have visited the Museum’s permanent exposition, taking a bite to eat.)

Me: “Hello, sir! Did you enjoy your visit of the exposition?”

Customer: “Incredible! This is my first time here and I just can’t believe how magnificent those antique items are!”

Me: “Yes, I have gone back to the rooms many times myself. They truly are worth seeing.”

Customer: “I really liked the [Important Historical Figure] room. My ancestors served under him, you know?”

Me: “Glad you liked the visit, sir! Your lunch will come at [price].”

Customer: “Sure, give me a minute…”

(After he pays, as he puts money back into his wallet, I notice a familiar object from his belongings.)

Me: “Sir… is this [personal object from Important Historical Figure]?”

Customer: “Oh, yes! I wanted to show it to my mother! Her legs tire so much she had to stay here.”

Me: “You’re aware that’s completely illegal and may get you arrested? You need to go give it back right now.”

Customer: “Don’t worry. It’s part of my heritage! I’ll give it back after dinner!”

(I pressed the emergency button and watched him argue that it was ‘’No big deal’ and his ‘heritage’ with about five security guards. It took the cops to convince him.)

Totally Lost Their Marbles

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, History

Museum Patron: “Yeah, hi, we’ve looked at everything here. Where is the ‘real” art?”

Me: “Uhm, did you look in all these rooms downstairs and upstairs?”

Museum Patron: “Yeah, we saw all that but it’s just a bunch of marble statues. Where is the REAL art?”

Me: “Ma’am, this IS real art.”

Knocking The Wind Out Of Your Sails

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, History

(I work in a museum that focuses on the history of a particular ship. One day, a visitor approaches me and asks me this question:)

Visitor: “Excuse me, I have a question.”

Me: “Sure!”

Visitor: “When was the last time [Ship] had all of her sails out?”

Me: “The last time she sailed under her own power was in August 2012 on the 200th anniversary of her victory with—”

Visitor: “Yeah, but were ALL of her sails out?”

Me: “Well, no, only a few of the main ones necessary for—”

Visitor: “But I want to know when she had ALL her sails out like in this painting.” *gestures to nautical painting*

Me: “Ah! I see. Actually, artists painted ships with full sails to heighten the drama of the painting. There would be very few occasions when a ship would literally have all of her sails out at once because different sails are used in different situations and angles of wind and—”

Visitor: “Yeah, but WHEN was the LAST TIME she had ALL of her sails out?”

Me: *pause* “I guess I don’t know exactly.”

Visitor: *to his family* “Oh, she doesn’t know.”

Those Books Can Be Killer To Finish

| KY, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, History

(I’m the customer in this situation:)

Me: “I’m looking for a copy of Les Mis and I found several different copies from different publishers. What do you recommend?”

Staff Member: “Well, it depends. Do you want a smaller-size copy that’d fit in your purse so you can take it anywhere?”

Me: “Well… the print in those can get pretty tiny… Actually, I’m looking for a book hefty enough to kill someone with.”

Staff Member: “…”

Me: “Sorry.”

Staff Member: “In that case, I suggest Tolstoy or Proust.”

Never Listened In Or Outside Church

| London, England, UK | History, Tourists/Travel

(I work as a tour guide on an open top bus tour around London. My job is to tell tourists about the history of the city, and the landmarks that we pass.)

Me: “… and as we continue along Fleet Street we’ll see one of the great landmarks of London coming into view, the wonderful dome of St. Paul’s Cathedral. St. Paul’s Cathedral is our next stop. St. Paul’s Cathedral was built after the great fire of London of 1666. St. Paul’s Cathedral stands 365 feet from the ground to the tip of the golden cross at the top of the dome, one foot for every day of the year.”

Lady On The Bus: “What’s this building here?”

Me: *pointing at St. Paul’s Cathedral* “This one?”

Lady On The Bus: “Yes.”

Me: *sighing* “The Sealife Aquarium.”

Lady On The Bus: “The Sealife Aquarium?”

Me: *shrugging* “Yeah, why not?”

Lady On The Bus: “Thank you.”

(She writes ‘Sealife Aquarium’ carefully on the bus tour map, next to the little picture of ST PAUL’S CATHEDRAL, underneath the words ST PAUL’S CATHEDRAL that are printed next to it.)

Me: “Pleasure. Welcome aboard those joining us here at St. Paul’s Cathedral…”