Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,173 thumbs up)
  • Category: History

    Customers who don’t remember history are not only doomed to repeat it, but in some of these stories, to completely rewrite it!

    Fishing For A Fisherman

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, History

    (I am working at the seafood counter of my store when a little old lady walks up.)

    Old Lady: “Did you catch these fish yourself?”

    Me: *thinking she’s joking* “Heh, good one.”

    Old Lady: “Well? Did you?”

    Me: “… No, ma’am.”

    Old Lady: “Well, which one of the people here did catch them?”

    Me: “No one here caught them, ma’am.”

    Old Lady: “You mean you didn’t catch them locally? What kind of fisherman are you?”

    Me: “I’m not a fisherman, ma’am. I’m a retail employee, as is everyone else here. Also, we’re right in the middle of the Florida peninsula, 45 miles to the ocean in either direction. And I couldn’t tell you anything about the fish living in local lakes or rivers, but I’m betting they’re not good to eat.”

    Old Lady: “Well, then how did you get these fish?!”

    Me: “They were farm-raised in Vietnam, frozen, shipped overseas, and driven here in a refrigerated truck.”

    Old Lady: “What’s happening to America?! When I was a little girl, we used to go down to all the Mom-and-Pop general stores and buy fresh fish, caught right here in God’s country!”

    Me: “Mom-and-Pop general stores don’t exist anymore, ma’am. My company had Mom and Pop locked up and burned their store to the ground.”

    A History Of Petty Crime

    | Montreal, QC, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, History

    (I am working at the register at the time. Our clients often come after they have visited the Museum’s permanent exposition, taking a bite to eat.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! Did you enjoy your visit of the exposition?”

    Customer: “Incredible! This is my first time here and I just can’t believe how magnificent those antique items are!”

    Me: “Yes, I have gone back to the rooms many times myself. They truly are worth seeing.”

    Customer: “I really liked the [Important Historical Figure] room. My ancestors served under him, you know?”

    Me: “Glad you liked the visit, sir! Your lunch will come at [price].”

    Customer: “Sure, give me a minute…”

    (After he pays, as he puts money back into his wallet, I notice a familiar object from his belongings.)

    Me: “Sir… is this [personal object from Important Historical Figure]?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes! I wanted to show it to my mother! Her legs tire so much she had to stay here.”

    Me: “You’re aware that’s completely illegal and may get you arrested? You need to go give it back right now.”

    Customer: “Don’t worry. It’s part of my heritage! I’ll give it back after dinner!”

    (I pressed the emergency button and watched him argue that it was ‘’No big deal’ and his ‘heritage’ with about five security guards. It took the cops to convince him.)

    Totally Lost Their Marbles

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, History

    Museum Patron: “Yeah, hi, we’ve looked at everything here. Where is the ‘real” art?”

    Me: “Uhm, did you look in all these rooms downstairs and upstairs?”

    Museum Patron: “Yeah, we saw all that but it’s just a bunch of marble statues. Where is the REAL art?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this IS real art.”

    Knocking The Wind Out Of Your Sails

    | Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, History

    (I work in a museum that focuses on the history of a particular ship. One day, a visitor approaches me and asks me this question:)

    Visitor: “Excuse me, I have a question.”

    Me: “Sure!”

    Visitor: “When was the last time [Ship] had all of her sails out?”

    Me: “The last time she sailed under her own power was in August 2012 on the 200th anniversary of her victory with—”

    Visitor: “Yeah, but were ALL of her sails out?”

    Me: “Well, no, only a few of the main ones necessary for—”

    Visitor: “But I want to know when she had ALL her sails out like in this painting.” *gestures to nautical painting*

    Me: “Ah! I see. Actually, artists painted ships with full sails to heighten the drama of the painting. There would be very few occasions when a ship would literally have all of her sails out at once because different sails are used in different situations and angles of wind and—”

    Visitor: “Yeah, but WHEN was the LAST TIME she had ALL of her sails out?”

    Me: *pause* “I guess I don’t know exactly.”

    Visitor: *to his family* “Oh, she doesn’t know.”

    Those Books Can Be Killer To Finish

    | KY, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, History

    (I’m the customer in this situation:)

    Me: “I’m looking for a copy of Les Mis and I found several different copies from different publishers. What do you recommend?”

    Staff Member: “Well, it depends. Do you want a smaller-size copy that’d fit in your purse so you can take it anywhere?”

    Me: “Well… the print in those can get pretty tiny… Actually, I’m looking for a book hefty enough to kill someone with.”

    Staff Member: “…”

    Me: “Sorry.”

    Staff Member: “In that case, I suggest Tolstoy or Proust.”

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