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    Category: History

    Customers who don’t remember history are not only doomed to repeat it, but in some of these stories, to completely rewrite it!

    Knocking The Wind Out Of Your Sails

    | Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, History

    (I work in a museum that focuses on the history of a particular ship. One day, a visitor approaches me and asks me this question:)

    Visitor: “Excuse me, I have a question.”

    Me: “Sure!”

    Visitor: “When was the last time [Ship] had all of her sails out?”

    Me: “The last time she sailed under her own power was in August 2012 on the 200th anniversary of her victory with—”

    Visitor: “Yeah, but were ALL of her sails out?”

    Me: “Well, no, only a few of the main ones necessary for—”

    Visitor: “But I want to know when she had ALL her sails out like in this painting.” *gestures to nautical painting*

    Me: “Ah! I see. Actually, artists painted ships with full sails to heighten the drama of the painting. There would be very few occasions when a ship would literally have all of her sails out at once because different sails are used in different situations and angles of wind and—”

    Visitor: “Yeah, but WHEN was the LAST TIME she had ALL of her sails out?”

    Me: *pause* “I guess I don’t know exactly.”

    Visitor: *to his family* “Oh, she doesn’t know.”

    Those Books Can Be Killer To Finish

    | KY, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, History

    (I’m the customer in this situation:)

    Me: “I’m looking for a copy of Les Mis and I found several different copies from different publishers. What do you recommend?”

    Staff Member: “Well, it depends. Do you want a smaller-size copy that’d fit in your purse so you can take it anywhere?”

    Me: “Well… the print in those can get pretty tiny… Actually, I’m looking for a book hefty enough to kill someone with.”

    Staff Member: “…”

    Me: “Sorry.”

    Staff Member: “In that case, I suggest Tolstoy or Proust.”

    Never Listened In Or Outside Church

    | London, England, UK | History, Tourists/Travel

    (I work as a tour guide on an open top bus tour around London. My job is to tell tourists about the history of the city, and the landmarks that we pass.)

    Me: “… and as we continue along Fleet Street we’ll see one of the great landmarks of London coming into view, the wonderful dome of St. Paul’s Cathedral. St. Paul’s Cathedral is our next stop. St. Paul’s Cathedral was built after the great fire of London of 1666. St. Paul’s Cathedral stands 365 feet from the ground to the tip of the golden cross at the top of the dome, one foot for every day of the year.”

    Lady On The Bus: “What’s this building here?”

    Me: *pointing at St. Paul’s Cathedral* “This one?”

    Lady On The Bus: “Yes.”

    Me: *sighing* “The Sealife Aquarium.”

    Lady On The Bus: “The Sealife Aquarium?”

    Me: *shrugging* “Yeah, why not?”

    Lady On The Bus: “Thank you.”

    (She writes ‘Sealife Aquarium’ carefully on the bus tour map, next to the little picture of ST PAUL’S CATHEDRAL, underneath the words ST PAUL’S CATHEDRAL that are printed next to it.)

    Me: “Pleasure. Welcome aboard those joining us here at St. Paul’s Cathedral…”

    A Vast Ocean Of Ignorance

    | Newport, KY, USA | Extra Stupid, History, Pets & Animals

    (I’m an aquarium employee. As I’m standing in the coral reef tunnel, a few high school age kids walk up near me, looking up at the fish.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, guys! Enjoying the aquarium?”

    Teen #1: “Yeah…” *to his friends, pointing at the tank* “Hey, check out the puffer fish!”

    Teen #2: “Oh, cool!” *to me* “Does it ever puff up?”

    Me: “It’s pretty used to people, and there are no predators in there, so it wouldn’t puff itself up unless maybe a diver were to startle or threaten it in the tank.”

    Teen #1: “Can you startle it and make it puff up for us?”

    Me: *wondering how or why I would even do that* “No…”

    Teen #2: *suddenly forgetting the puffer and pointing instead at the cownose stingrays in the tank* “Hey! Isn’t that what killed Davy Crockett?”

    Teen #1, Teen #3, & Me: “What?!”

    Teen #2: “Isn’t that what killed Davy Crockett?”

    Me: “Uh… no. I’m pretty certain he died at the Alamo in the 19th century…” *thinks for a bit* “Did you mean Steve Irwin?”

    Teen #2: “Yeah! Same thing.”

    Me: “Not really…”

    Talking Like Crazy (Horse)

    | SC, USA | Extra Stupid, History

    (I work for a store that specializes in items made by different Native American tribes. A teenage girl comes in and starts looking around. She takes a few moments before turning to her friend and saying:)

    Customer: “I wish all the Native Americans weren’t dead. It’s sad that they’re all gone.”

    (I look over to my coworker, who happens to be Native American. My manager looks at my coworker.)

    Manager: *to my coworker* “Why don’t you go introduce yourself?”

    (The girl looked like she saw a ghost!)

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