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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Off-Handed Comment

    | Manchester, UK | Health & Body, Technology

    Caller: “Hi, I’ve placed an order some weeks back and I’m just chasing up when it might be delivered.”

    Me: “Certainly, just bear with me a moment. I’ll just need to track it on the computer.”

    (I proceed to log on to the order system, having a bit of difficulty as I’m only able to type with one hand while the other holds the phone.)

    Me: “Sorry, bear with me a moment, it’s quite difficult to type with one hand.”

    Caller: *in a sincere tone* “Why have you only got one hand?”

    His Heart Just Wasn’t In It

    | Saint Clair Shores, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A customer looks like he is in a huge hurry. After 5 minutes of looking at the menu, he orders a grilled sandwich.)

    Me: “It will take a little longer for the grilling.”

    Customer: “I only have 5 minutes.”

    Me: “Well I suggest you not get it grilled because it will take about 8 minutes.”

    Customer: “I want it grilled and I want it in 5 minutes!”

    (After 5 minutes of the customer pacing up and down, he comes up to the counter.)

    Customer: “I need the sandwich now!”

    Me: “Ok, it’s being wrapped up for you sir.”

    Customer: “I am a heart surgeon, and I have a critical patient that I’m supposed to be operating on right now! I was supposed to be there a half hour ago!”

    (I give him his sandwich and he hurries out the door. Five minutes later, he rushes back4 through the door.)

    Customer: “I need extra Russian dressing!”

    Paperwork Doesn’t Take A Huge Leap (Year)

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Health & Body

    Me: “Okay, I’m just going to give you some paperwork to fill out.”

    Patient: “Paperwork? Again? I fill it out every single time I come here!”

    Me: “Well, it looks to me as if the last time you were seen here was over four years ago.”

    Patient: “So what? Nothing has changed since then!”

    Me: “Alright. So, do you still have [type of medical insurance]?”

    Patient: “Oh, no. I uh, switched insurances. Oh, and I moved too.”

    Me: “So there have been some changes in the last four years? Then you’ll need to update your paperwork.”

    Patient: *snatches papers from my hand* “Well obviously things have changed. It’s been four whole years since I’ve been here, you know!”

    Not All Customers Are Bona-Fido

    | USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “[Doctor's] office, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, there! I was wondering if I could get an appointment for today?”

    Me: “Most likely. What type of animal do you have?”

    Customer: *noticeable pause* “I have a dog. I just need the shots to go overseas.”

    Me: “How exciting! When are you traveling?”

    Customer: “Tomorrow. I tried to get an appointment at the other doctor, but he couldn’t fit me in.”

    Me: “Well, just for a vaccination, I think we can manage that around four p.m. today. Do you happen to know what shots your dog needs?”

    Customer: “My dog?”

    Me: “Yes…to go abroad.”

    Customer: “Why would I give shots to my dog? He’s staying here. I need shots for my wife and me.”

    Me: “Sir, this is a veterinarian’s office. We treat animals here.”

    Customer: “But my flight’s tomorrow! Can’t you make an exception?”

    Me: “Sir, that would be highly illegal. And we only carry shots designed for dogs. We don’t have the type you’d need.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’m going to report you to the state!” *click*

    (The phone rings a moment later.)

    Me: “[Doctor's] office, how can I help you today?”

    Same Customer: “Um…my wife wants to know if you have dog boarding.”

    Sick Of Waiting

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body

    (A woman is several places back in line is with her son who is about 8 years old.)

    Customer’s Son: “Mom? I don’t feel good.”

    Customer: “Hang on, honey. Mommy is going to get her coffee and then she will take you to the restroom.”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom? I feel really sick.”

    (I look up and see the boy is very pale and breathing heavy.)

    Me: “Ma’am? If you would like to take your son to the restroom, we will save your place in line.”

    Customer: “No, it’s okay. We will wait.”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom. I really need the bathroom. I don’t feel good.”

    Customer: “Honey, just wait. We’ll be done in a few minutes.”

    My manager: “Ma’am, please take your son to the restroom. We’ll make your drink while you are in there. On the house. Please!”

    Customer: “No! He will have to wait.”

    (The customer’s son begins to gag and the customers near him move away from, all of them begging her to take him to the restroom immediately. A few even offer to take him themselves.)

    Customer: “I said No! He is just doing this for attention. If you ignore him he will stop.”

    Me: “Ma’am, for the last time. Please take your son to the–”

    (Customer’s son bends over and begins vomiting on the floor.)

    My manager: “Please! Get him out of here!”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to lose my place in line.”

    My manager: “Ma’am, either get him to the restroom or get him outside. Now!”

    Customer: *in a huff* “Well, fine! He’s only doing this for attention!”

    (The customer comes out 5 minutes later leading her fully recovered son by the hand. As I a finish mopping her the boy’s breakfast off the floor she collects her free coffee drink, smiles and leaves, calling out…)

    Customer: “Thank you very much. See you all tomorrow!”

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