Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Piercing Puerility

| Connecticut, USA | Health & Body

Customer: “How do I know my nose ring goes all the way through my nose?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “Well, I can’t see it, so that must mean that it doesn’t go all the way through my nose.”

Me: “Your nose ring goes all the way through your nostril.”

Customer: “But I can’t see it.”

Me: “You’re not supposed to see it.”

Customer: “But it doesn’t go all the way through my nose!”

Me: “The word ‘pierce’ means that it goes all the way through your nostril. It wouldn’t be pierced if it didn’t go all the way through.”

Customer: “But I can’t see it!”

Me: “You’re not supposed to see it. Unless you get a hoop, you’re not going to see it.”

Customer: *leaves*

The Shape Of Things To ‘C’

| California, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(My manager & I are working one night. A very well dressed woman in her 50s walks in.)

Me: “Hi, how are you doing tonight?”

Customer: “I’m doing fine.”

Me: “What are you looking for?”

Customer: “I’m looking for something for my husband. He needs something for…”

(She motions her right hand to make it into the shape of a ‘C’.)

Me: “He needs vitamin C?”

Customer: “No…something for…”

(She emphasizes the ‘C’ shape of her right hand.)

Me: “He needs some calcium??”

Customer: “No…you know what I mean?”

(She’s still making the ‘C’ with her right hand, but is now widening the shape.)

Me: “I don’t think I know what it is.”

(I ask for my manager who has been watching us. He immediately gets what she’s asking for.)

Manager: *points towards the male enhancements* “Ma’am, we have a wide variety of libido enhancers, but there isn’t anything to make him ‘wider’ or ‘girthier’.”

Customer: “Aww. Well, his libido’s fine. He just needs a little more to work with. Thank you for the help anyway!” *leaves*

Please Contact Manufacturer For Missing Parts

| Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Technology

(I work for a major cable company troubleshooting internet problems over the phone. I am not sure if the customer in this story isn’t sober or just crazy, but he definitely isn’t right.)

Me: “All right…let’s reconnect the cables to your router and we’ll have you back up in no time.”

Customer: *distracted* “Hey, honey? How many fingers should I have?”

Wife: *in the background* “You have five on each hand.”

Customer: *panicking* “Oh, God! I’ve only got four and my thumb!” *to me* “I’m going to have to call you back. I need to dial 911 now!” *hangs up*

No Pain, No Vain

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Health & Body

(A customer comes in to return a home leg waxing kit.)

Me: “Can I ask why you are unsatisfied with this product?”

Customer: “It hurts!”

Me: “Yes, because waxing involves ripping the hair out by the roots.”

Customer: “Well, it shouldn’t hurt!”

Never Get Between A Man And His Metabolism

| Singapore | Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “So, you can’t consume any food or drink after 12 midnight today—”

Patient: “Do you want me to starve to death?”

Me: “Actually, sir, you’re one of the earlier cases. Your reporting time is at 9:30 am.”

Patient: “I’ll still starve to death! What the h*** are you people trying to do, kill me?!”

Page 95/114First...9394959697...Last