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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Suffering From A-Salt

    | Alabama, USA | Books & Reading, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m the director of our small-town library. One of my summer volunteers is a 16 year old girl who is a diabetic. She works the lunch shift, and I allow her to eat her lunch at the checkout counter.)

    Patron: *to the volunteer* “Hey, can you tell me if you have this book?” *hands over a sheet of paper*

    Volunteer: *putting fork down* “Yes. It’s over here. I’ll go get it for you.”

    (She walks away. I notice the lady at the desk sniffing the air. She looks around, clearly sees me staring at her, and proceeds to take a large bite of my volunteer’s food. She obviously doesn’t like it, and takes a large container of something out of her purse and dumps it all over the food. She takes another bite, and looks satisfied.)

    Volunteer: *coming back* “Here’s your…wait. Why are you eating my lunch?”

    Patron: “It was a free sample. And I must say, whoever made it is a terrible cook. It’s very tasteless. I have to put my entire container of salt on this to make it edible!”

    Volunteer: “That was my lunch. I’m a diabetic, so of course it wouldn’t taste very good!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you just ate her lunch. Why?”

    (As I am talking the volunteer scribbles something on a piece of paper and hands it to me. It says, ‘Ignore what I’m about to do’. She then falls to the ground shaking and convulsing.)

    Patron: “Oh s***!” *runs out of the library*

    Volunteer: “I learned how to do that to get my brothers in trouble.”

    Somebody’s Not Listening

    | Provo, UT, USA | Health & Body, Math & Science

    (I am leaving the small, medical clinic where I work in the laboratory. A couple enter the doors looking lost.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Woman: “We’re trying to find the, ‘er-ology’ clinic?”

    Me: “Ah urology. That’s on the second floor so if you go up the elevator-”

    Man: *interrupting* “Wait, wait! There it is right there!” (He points to a door that says ‘Ear, Nose and Throat’.)

    Me: “Well, actually that’s the door for Ear, Nose–”

    Man: *interrupting again* “Yeah! Ears. Like Ear-ology!”

    Customers Should Stop Causing Ripples

    | Athens, GA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “Excuse me, lifeguard?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I think there’s a…” *whispers* “…sex toy at the bottom of the pool!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “A you know…” *whispers again* “vibrator!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s children’s torpedo toy.”

    Customer: “Not a vibrator? Oh darn. I really needed one too.”

    A Grave Concern

    | Shreveport, LA, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    (I am the only representative in the Texas queue. I had spoken to this customer 15 minutes previously, before I went on break. He is my first call when I get back.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [Phone Company]. How may I assist you today?”

    Customer: “Aren’t you the one I talked to earlier?”

    Me: *checking the account info* “Yes sir, I did speak to you earlier. Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “You told me the technician would be out here on Monday. Well that’s not good enough! I need him out here right now!”

    Me: “Sir, it’s 9 pm on Saturday evening. Our technicians go home at 7 pm and do not work on Sundays.”

    Customer: “I don’t care, you get someone out tonight! I have a medical condition and if something happens to me while my phone is out, I’m calling my lawyer!”

    Me: “Sir, I will be more than happy to send you the letter for a doctor to verify that you have a medical condition requiring your phone services to be on 24/7. Unfortunately, because the status is not currently on the account, I will not be able to get a call-out approved.”

    Customer: “I don’t want your letter! I want my services back on! If something happens to me on the weekend and I die, you’ll be hearing from me!”

    Left At The Hereafter

    | Norway | Health & Body

    (I have to talk to many different dentists through the day. The old ones speak in a very old-fashioned Norwegian.)

    Me: "[Company name] this is [my name]. How may I help you?"

    Client: "Yes, you see, my customer just left, and I forgot to take a copy of his bill. Could you send me a new one?"

    Me: "Sure miss, but I can see you live quite the distance from here, may I suggest calling the customer to get it back, or get the numbers? I am quite sure it’ll be easier for you."

    Client: "But you don’t understand! He just left!"

    Me: "I understand miss. I still believe it would be easier for you if you just called the customer though."

    Client: "What part of ‘he just left’ is so hard to understand? He left!”

    Me: "I see, I’m sorry if I bothered you with my opinions. I’m printing out a copy of the bill right as we speak, and it’ll be out by tomorrow at noon."

    Client: "Good. That’s alright then.” *mumbles to herself* “…asking me to call his widow for the bill. Outrageous."

    Me: "Widower? Excuse me miss, but is your customer dead?"

    Client: "Oh, so now you get it, huh? I told you he left!"

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