Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.
(It’s about 32C (89F) outside, so pretty hot. A fairly large lady comes into the shop wearing an enormous, thick fleece sweater and comes up to a colleague and myself at the desk.)
Customer: “Warm today!”
Me: “Certainly is! Can we help you?”
Customer: “I need an outfit for a wedding. But now I’m here I think I’m too hot to try on clothes. Here, feel how hot I am!”
(Before I can stop her, she grabs my hand from the desk and wipes it across her very, very sweaty forehead. I’m speechless.)
Me: *trying to discreetly wipe my hand on my leg* “Yes, you’re clearly very hot indeed. Maybe you could find some clothes and try them at home? You can return them, that’s no problem.”
Customer: “Oh, I may as well now I’m here. I could also do with being measured for a new bra. Have you got any fitters in today?”
(My colleague, who is the store’s lingerie specialist, suddenly goes wide-eyed and jumps in immediately.)
Colleague: “I… No. No, we do not! Not today.”
Me: "Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How may I help you?"”
Caller: "I would like to know where people go to buy those cups."
Me: What kind of cups are you looking for, sir?"
Caller: "Sample cups."
Me: "Sample cups? Do you mean like for a urine sample?"
Caller: "Yeah! I need quite a few."
Me: "I guess you could get them at a medical supply company. Have you tried that?"
Caller: "Oh boy! Thank you, lady! You have helped me so much! See, I am looking for work and most places require a urine test. I want to have my samples all ready to go!"
Customer:“Hey I was wondering if you sold some of that ‘Ahhhdorol’ or ‘Ridalaain’?”
Me: “No those are prescription drugs. All we sell here is Advil and caffeine pills.”
Customer: “D*** it! My son has ADHD. You know…Attention Defiant Hyper Disorder?”
Me: “Thank you for call [Pharmacy], may I help you?”
Elderly Female Customer: “I would like to get these two of my medications refilled and I want to pick them up tomorrow afternoon.”
Me: “Okay ma’am, that will be fine. Is there anything else I can do for you?”
Elderly Female Customer: “Honey, you can come to my house and do me anytime.”
Me: “I, uh, oh, uh…”
Elderly Female Customer: “I hope I didn’t offend you, but I’m old so I can say things like that!”
Customer: “I’ll have the chicken salad.”
Customer: “Is there MSG in it?”
Me: “There might be some in the dressing, I can check for you. Are you allergic?
Customer: “No, it just gives me diarrhea.”
Customer’s friend: “That’s too much information!”
Customer: “No she needs to know. You need to know right?”
Me: *nervous laughter* “Oh, absolutely.”