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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    No Bloody Sensitivity Anywhere

    | New York, USA | Health & Body

    (I work at a bar and grill on the breakfast shift. I have just badly cut my finger and have blood running down my hand. As I am running to the kitchen for first aid, a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can I get a glass of orange juice please?”

    Me: “Ma’am, can I come right back to you? I need to take care of this.”

    (I raise my hand up to show her that my hand is bleeding all over.)

    Customer: “The service here is terrible. I want my orange juice!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I really need to go take care of this.”

    Customer: “Forget it!” *storms out without paying for her meal*

    Related:
    A Serious Case Of Insensitivity, Part 2
    Call 911: We’ve Got A Serious Case Of Insensitivity

    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5

    | Australia | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (Note: 40 degrees Celsius is about 104 degrees Fahrenheit.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Hi, I’ll need you to come and pick up your son right away. He’s not feeling very well.”

    Mother: “What’s wrong?”

    Me: “He’s running a 40 degree temperature.”

    Mother: “Oh. No, he’s fine. That’s normal.”

    Me: “Uh, I’m sorry?”

    Mother: “Don’t worry about him, love. That’s normal. He’s a werewolf, you know. Werewolves run hot. Didn’t you know that?”

    (It takes me a few moments, but I realize she’s perfectly serious.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I still think you need to take him to the doctor.”

    Mother: “Ugh, fine. I’ll come and get him, but the doctor will only say what I told you!”

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight

    A Real Pain In The Rear

    | Germany | Health & Body

    (An elderly gentleman approaches me at the counter.)

    Me: “How may I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “My butt hurts! I need medicine!”

    Me: “All right, do you have a prescription? Or, can you tell me what exactly is wrong so that I can recommend you something that doesn’t need one?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong. But my butt hurts!”

    Me: “Please go see a doctor then, sir. Without knowing what causes your pain, there’s little I can do.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to wait at the doctor’s together with all the sick people! I’ll catch a disease or something!”

    Me: “That’s understandable. Maybe you could go early in the morning when fewer people are there?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want to! I want you to tell me what’s wrong! Look at my butt!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but we don’t do that–”

    (The man doesn’t listen. In front of me and three other customers, he drops his pants and underwear, turns around and sticks out his butt in my direction.)

    Me: “Sir, please pull up your pants again! I can’t tell what’s wrong and you will have to leave if you don’t stop that!”

    Customer: “Nonsense! If you can’t tell what’s wrong from over there, come closer and get a better look!”

    (My boss then comes to look at what’s going on and ends up kicking the guy out.)

    Customer: *on the way out the door* “Why will no one look at my butt?!”

    A Warm And Full(filling) Night In

    | Boston, MA, USA | Health & Body

    (A man in his mid-30′s approaches the register. I notice that he looks a little grumpy about something.)

    Me: “Hello!”

    Customer: “Hi.”

    (It is at this point that I notice that he only has two items to ring up: a 20oz bottle of soda and an enema.)

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m holding an enema, what do you think?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (I ring him up silently. Poor guy, I hope he feels better!)

    Obviously, He Needs Food For Thought

    | Connecticut, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work in a large, well-known used bookstore. We offer complimentary coffee and doughnuts to our patrons, but we do not have a cafe or serve any other food. The bookshelves are extremely obvious and numerous. A middle-aged man enters.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a medium hot dog to go.”

    Me: *laughing* “Sorry, sir! We’re fresh out of hot dogs!”

    Customer: *rolling his eyes and heaving a big sigh* “Okay, then what else do you have?”

    Me: “Um, we have coffee and doughnuts.”

    Customer: “That’s it? You don’t have any sandwiches or anything? What kind of a restaurant is this?”

    Me: “We’re a bookstore.”

    Customer: “A bookstore!? But I’m hungry!”

    Me: “Well, like I said, we do have coffee and doughnuts–”

    Customer: “Forget it! I’ll find another restaurant. This is ridiculous!”

    Related:Obviously, She Needs Food For Thought

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