Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Rooted In Anger

| Illinois, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

(Note: My hair is a darker shade of auburn and I am often asked it’s natural, which it is. A seemingly normal woman comes up to the register.)

Me: “Is this all today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Oh, my! Is that your actual hair color?”

Me: “Oh, yes, it is.”

Customer: “It’s not fair! IT MAKES ME WANT TO RIP YOUR EYEBALLS OUT!”

Liar, Liar, Hand’s On Fire

| CA, USA | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

(Our theme park has designated smoking areas. I have just rounded a corner and see a guest smoking in a non-designated spot near a children’s play area. She spots me quickly and hides the cigarette in her hand.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a non-smoking area. I can show you to one of our designated smoking areas just a short distance away.”

Guest: “I wasn’t smoking! That is a very rude accusation to make!”

(Meanwhile, smoke has been drifting out from between her fingers where she has cupped her hand around the still-lit cigarette.)

Me: “Then it appears your hand is on fire. I can take you to one of our emergency medical stations. They’re conveniently located next to our designated smoking areas.”

Guest: *deadpan* “Yes, that’s it. Oh no, my hand! Please show me to medical station!”

(I lead her towards the medical station. As soon as she sees the smoking area, she peels off without a word and goes there to finish her cigarette.)

We Prefer Our Privates Private

| Edmonton, Canada | Health & Body

(At my store we sell Saxx, a type of men’s boxer briefs that contains a “holder” for added support and comfort for men. These sell for around $25- $30. A customer is buying 2 pairs.)

Me: “So, the Saxx will be final sale because they are an undergarment. Your total is [total].”

Customer: “But why are they final sale? What if I decide I don’t like them?”

Me: “Well, typically people don’t want to purchase products that have already been worn, especially underwear.”

Customer: “But these are men’s underwear!”

Me: “That doesn’t make a difference. For hygienic reasons, we can’t resell these. So, they’re a final sale.”

Customer: “Fine! But I don’t see what the problem is. Men don’t care about that; only women do!”

Sink Or Dim(witted)

| Vernon, NJ, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work for a large water park that has a ride which involves a jump off a 25 foot cliff and a Tarzan rope swing. On these rides, we have a series of questions we legally must ask.)

Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

Guest: “Huh?”

Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

Guest: “Oh…uh…yeah, of course.”

Me: “Any head, neck, or back injuries?”

Guest: *indignant* “Would I be standing here if I did? No injuries!”

Me: “Any history of heart problems?”

Guest: “Nope.”

Me: “Any shoulder dislocations?”

Guest: *rolls shoulders* “No, I’m good.”

Me: “Okay, no flipping or diving. Grab this rope, and you’re good to go…”

(The guest proceeds to swing out over water and falls off almost instantly. I look down and see him struggling to stay afloat, so my coworker jumps in and leads him to the ladder. I close off the ride to fill out a report for the save.)

Me: *to coworker* “What happened?!”

Coworker: “I don’t exactly know. He says his shoulder hurts.”

Me: “Sir, have you ever had a dislocated shoulder?”

Guest: “Yes, why do you ask?”

Me: “Because when I asked you before, you said no, and now you hurt it. Also, was it because of your shoulder that you were having trouble swimming?”

Guest: “No. I just can’t swim.”

Me: “So, when I asked if you were a good swimmer, why did you say yes?”

Guest: “I didn’t realize I would have to swim!”

Related:
No, Really: Sink Or Swim

Don’t Try Doctoring The Doctor

| Sydney, Australia | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I am a medical receptionist for a busy medical centre. On this particular Friday night, we only have two doctors on and at least 35 people waiting. A new patient comes in.)

New Patient: “Yes, I’d like to see a doctor, please.”

Me: “Certainly sir. Although I must tell you, there will be approximately an hour and half wait. As you can see, we are very busy tonight.”

New Patient: “Are you sure you can’t just squeeze me in at the top of the queue? I couldn’t be bothered to go to work today, so I need a medical certificate.”

Me: “Unfortunately, that won’t be possible. We have a large number of patients with more serious ailments.”

New Patient: “That’s f***ing ridiculous!”

(About ten minutes pass. One of the doctors comes out and calls another patient’s name.)

Doctor: “Mr. [another patient]?”

New Patient: “Yes! That’s me!”

Doctor: “No, it’s not.”

New Patient: “How do you know?! How dare you assume that I’m lying! Do you know who I am?!”

Doctor: “I know for a fact that you’re not my brother-in-law, whose name I just called.”

New Patient: *sheepishly picks up his bags and leaves*

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