October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Allergic To Common Sense

| Citrus Heights, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “‘Strawberries Wild’ for [name]! ‘Strawberries Wild’ for [name]!” *customer comes up* “Hey, here’s your ‘Strawberries Wild’.”

Customer: “This doesn’t have strawberries in it, does it? I’m deathly allergic to strawberries.”

Me: *blink* “…Let me make you a new smoothie…”

Making A Loud A-pee-l, Part 2

| MN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(As the bookstore I work for is closing down, we have started closing down the bathrooms. At this point, they’ve shut down one stall leaving only one left in the ladies room. I go in and there’s a rather long line for the single stall.)

Customer #1: *comes running in* “Oh… oh no, is there only one stall?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, but the line is moving pretty quick, though.”

Customer #1: “Oh no! This won’t do.” *rushes out*

(A few seconds later, Customer #1 comes back with two large paper coffee cups. She goes over to a corner, sets the cups on the floor, and drops her pants.)

Customer #1: “Okay, everyone! I really have to go! I have a bladder infection so if I don’t go right now, it won’t end well for me. Nobody look!”

(As she goes to drop her drawers, another woman comes out of the stall. I happen to be the next in line.)

Me: “Please! Go ahead of me! Apparently, you need the bathroom more than I do!”

Customer #1: “Are you sure? You probably have to go back to work. I’m okay with this.”

Me: “Nope! Just go!”

Customer #1: “Gee, thanks!” *shuffles into the stall with her pants around her ankles*

Making A Loud A-pee-l

Two Ap-pee-sements For The Price Of (Number) One

| OR, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I’ve gone to lunch break about an hour before. A kid is with his mom in the store. I tend to make a note of everyone I see in the store, and greet them as I pass, just out of habit. After lunch, the kid comes up to me.)

Kid: “Where’s your bathroom?”

(I look around and find his mother is not with him, or anywhere in sight. Seeing as I can’t make him wait, I decide to take him.)

Me: “Follow me, please…”

(On the way I keep an eye out for the mother, but I don’t find her. When we reach the bathroom, I stand outside the door so I can make sure he’s okay. Just as he is finishing up, his mother finally shows up and looks frantic.)

Mother: “Is my son in there?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. He’ll be out in just a moment.”

(At this point the kid runs out and hugs his mother.)

Mother: *to child* “I’m going to tie you up from now on. You gave me a heart attack!” *to me* “Thank you so much.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. I’m glad I could help. Have a nice day and thank you for shopping at [store]!”

Chunder Mountain

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

(I operate a pretty big roller coaster for a ticket run theme park.)

Father: *to his 10 year old* “Shall we ride?”

Son: “We just had lunch.”

Father: “You’re a chicken. I’ll ride it myself!”

Me: “Sir, just so you know, this ride is bumpy and has a lot of quick stops. It isn’t very fun on a full stomach.”

Father: “How would you know? Have you ever tried?”

Me: “No, but I’ve been doing this job for 3 years now.”

Father: “Well, I’ll show you, and I’ll sit in the very back.”

Me: “If you say so; the customer is always right. Have fun!”

(The father boards the ride, and I keep an eye on him. As I predicted, he isn’t going doing so well and is clutching his stomach throughout the ride. When the ride finally jerks to a stop, the puke flies.)

Son: “Dad, I told you not to do it!”

From Hair Raising To Heart Warming

| UK | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Top

(I am standing behind the till, serving customers. I wear a wig; I had Alopecia when I was 16 and haven’t had any hair for three years. A male customer goes past the till, heading for the children’s section, and sees me.)

Customer: “Oh my god, your hair looks amazing! How did you get it like that?!”

Me: “It’s a wig, actually! I lost my hair when I was younger.”

(The customer looks very shocked, but then suddenly gives me a thumbs up.)

Customer: “Darling, you look smashing.”

Me: “Thank you, you just made my day!”

(The customer who took the time to give my self esteem a boost?! I honestly hope he wins the lottery one day!)

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