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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    What’s Your Poison

    | New Zealand | Health & Body

    (I’m a pharmacist in a rural area. A shop assistant calls me out from the dispensary to talk to a customer, who is a slightly intoxicated middle aged woman.)

    Customer: “This medicine made my partner sick! Violently sick!”

    Me: “Let me see. Has he had any alcohol?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Are you sure? Not even a little?”

    Customer: “He doesn’t drink. Maybe only a little, but he wasn’t drunk.”

    Me: “It clearly says on the label that you must not drink any alcohol while being treated with this medicine.”

    Customer: “But he didn’t drink much at all. A beer shouldn’t matter, should it?”

    Me: “It contains enough alcohol to–”

    Customer: “But, like, you can even drive if you only drink a beer!”

    Me: “That has nothing to do with–”

    Customer: “I think he’d better not take this medicine. It made him violently sick!”

    Me: “I think he should–”

    Customer: “Thanks, I’ll tell him what you said. This medicine is a poison!” *turns around and walks out*

    Reading Is Infectious

    | Melbourne, Australia | Health & Body, Top

    (A customer is returning a large pile of overdue books – about 90 for the entire family. She’s waiting while I process them in order to pay the fine.)

    Me: “Well, they’re not very overdue. It’s just that there’s a lot of them.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry they’re late.”

    (I scan the last few books.)

    Me: “Okay, over the three cards, there’s $50 in fines, but I’ll halve that to $25 as they’re not too late.”

    Customer: “Oh, thanks so much. I just couldn’t get them in as we’ve all had scarlet fever.”

    (I look at the pile of books, every one of which I have handled.)

    Me: “Oh…”

    Involuntarily Voluntary Or Voluntarily Involuntary

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (This happens to me while I am working as a cashier at a popular fast food place. A big, stereotypical jock teen in a football sweater comes up to my till.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like two apple pies, please.”

    Me: “Sure, hang on a second.”

    (I ring up the order and gives him the pies.)

    Customer: “There’s something wrong…”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “I s*** my pants.”

    Me: *shocked* “Wait, what?”

    Customer: “I S*** MY PANTS!” *continues screaming and walks out of the store*

    Stimulating Or Simulating Immunity

    | Ottawa, Canada | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I’ve had a small cold for a couple days. I begin to ring up a man in his 60s. I’m 19.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Not too bad, except this d***ed cold won’t go away.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I have one too and it’s driving me nuts! Although I love the new pomegranate grapefruit cough drops we sell.”

    Customer: “I have some cough drops at home. But there is one thing that really works when you’re sick. The problem is, my wife is out of town so I guess I’m out of luck.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. Wait, what?”

    Customer: “Yeah! It totally works. Do you have a man around to help you with your… cold?”

    (He winks at me.)

    Me: “That’ll be $35.67, sir. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Try it! And if you don’t have a man, you could always do it with–”

    Me: “Goodbye!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Nature’s Calling, Please Don’t Answer

    | Langley, BC, Canada | Health & Body

    (I work on a berry farm and we have U-pick on the farm. While working in U-pick, I come across a woman and her son walking in the small wooded area beside one of the strawberry fields.)

    Me: “Hi, ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice you walking through the trees here. Are you looking for someone?”

    Customer: “Oh, hi. Um, no…we aren’t looking for anyone.”

    (She continues to walk away from me.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to come back to the strawberry field now. This wooded area is actually not on farm property.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. We’ll be quick. My son just needs to poop.”

    Me: “Oh! Actually, we ask that you don’t do that here. We have restrooms back at the main building.”

    (I point to the building, which is about 20 yards away.)

    Customer: *sighs* “Well, alright, but that’s a pretty long way to walk…”

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