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  • Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    The Fine Wine Between Pleasure And Pain

    | Tallahassee, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Thank you for calling Pain Management of Hamilton County. This is Pat, are you a new or existing patient?”

    Caller: “This isn’t Branchville Winery?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. This is Pain Management of Hamilton County.”

    Caller: “I guess I’m looking for a different kind of pain management…”

    A Dose By Any Other Name

    | Belize | Health & Body

    Customer: “Hey, I want some Tylenol.”

    Me: “For children or for adults?”

    Customer: “For adults.”

    Me: “At the moment, we only have the generic kind available. You know, paracetamol, also known as acetaminophen?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want any acetaminophen! Give me the other one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, they are the same thing, just different names for the same ingredient.”

    Customer: “Well, I just want the first one you named. Just don’t give me the other one.”

    It Gives Your Hair That Fiery Look

    | Ocala, FL, USA | Health & Body

    Customer: “Do you have butane?”

    Me: “Butane?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Butane, like the gas?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s for your skin and hair.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I doubt that’s safe. Butane is a type of lighter fluid. I am almost positive it is not beneficial for your hair or skin.”

    Customer: “I use it all the time. I swallow it and it works. Butane.”

    (Puzzled, I look at the woman for a few…and then it hits me.)

    Me: “Do you mean biotin?”

    Customer: “Yes, butane!”

    Harvested From The Great Nyquil Tree

    | Ontario, Canada | Health & Body

    Patient: “Hi, my 6-month-old grandson has some congestion in his nose and a fever. I gave him some NyQuil yesterday and that seemed to help. Is there anything you would recommend?”

    Me: “For the congestion, you can use these saline drops, they’re–”

    Patient: “No! I don’t wanna use that medicated stuff.”

    Me: “All right. Well, for the fever you can try this Tylenol. Do you know the wei–”

    Patient: “No! I don’t want to use that! It has acetaminophen in it! That’s not safe for babies.”

    Me: “Actually, acetaminophen is quite safe for infants.”

    Patient: “You’re a pharmacist. You would say that!”

    Me: “Well, the only other option is the Advil.”

    Patient: “That has acetaminophen too!”

    Me: “No, that has ibuprofen. Which is also saf–”

    Patient: “No, it isn’t!”

    Me: “Are you aware that NyQuil has acetaminophen in it?”

    Patient: “You lie! NyQuil has NyQuil in it! Isn’t there anything more natural I can give?!”

    Me: “No.”

    Patient: “You’re useless!” *storms off*

    The Art Of Switching Sides

    | Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work at a hotel that serves free breakfast to its guests. I’m setting it up when this encounter happens.)

    Guest: “I just heard you cough back there!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s just a small cough. I’m just getting over a cold.”

    Guest: “I’m going to report you to the board of health!”

    Me: “For coughing?”

    Guest: “Yes, for coughing! You’re serving food and I know you’re coughing all over it! I can see the germs crawling all over the food!”

    Me: “I can assure you, ma’am, I’m not coughing on the food. I wouldn’t want to eat coughed on food so I wouldn’t serve it.”

    Guest: “I know how you hotel people are! You want all the guests to get sick so they’ll leave and you can sit on your lazy asses all day!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if no one showed up to the hotel I wouldn’t have a job. I assure you I didn’t cough on the food.”

    (Suddenly, the guest changes her tone and attitude as if nothing had happened.)

    Guest: “Well, if I were you, I would. Some people are so rude. They think they can just barge in and walk all over girls like you, making ridiculous accusations and get away with it. Bless your soul for being such a moral girl.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Guest: “You have a wonderful day! Thanks for setting breakfast up for us early risers.”

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