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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Fruity Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I work front desk and am checking in a new patient. Note that I am a lesbian, wearing a clearly visible pentagram necklace, and am in a 5 year relationship.)

    Me: “Good morning! Go ahead and sign in and I’ll let the doctor know you’re here.”

    Patient: “Your eyes are gorgeous!”

    Me: “Thanks. Have a seat while I look through your paperwork.”

    Patient: *doesn’t move*

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Patient: “Your eyes are really just so beautiful. I can see the power of God in you. You are truly an angel, do you know that?”

    Me: “I…get that a lot?”

    Patient: “Are you single?”

    Me: “No.”

    Patient: “Are you sure? Is it serious?”

    Me: “Yeah, pretty serious.”

    Patient: “Oh, but you’ll just love my son. You have to meet him as soon as he gets back from his Mormon mission!”

    Me: “Uhm…”

    Patient: “Are you sure you can’t consider breaking up with your boyfriend?”

    Me: “I really don’t think she’d take that well.”

    Patient: “What?”

    Me: “I said I really don’t think I’m allowed to date patients or their family members.”

    Patient: “Oh…but do think about it. Your eyes are really just so pure! He’d really be perfect for you!”

    (She called several weeks later to say she’d been committed to a mental hospital.)

    Sadly, There Is No Cure For Rudeness

    | North Battleford, SK, Canada | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Top

    (I have psoriasis, a hereditary condition which leaves me with large red patches on my scalp. This occurs while I am waiting in line at a convenience store with a woman standing behind me.)

    Customer: "What’s wrong with you?"

    Me: "I beg your pardon?"

    Customer: "Those ugly blotches all over your head. What do you have?"

    Me: "Oh, it’s a highly contagious flesh eating disease. Very painful."

    Customer: "Oh my gosh! Really? How contagious is it?"

    Me: "Well, you probably already have it."

    Customer: *rushes out of the store in a panic*

    Ear-Waxing Lyrical About Bad Service

    | London, UK | Health & Body

    Customer: “I’ve come to pick up my prescription.”

    Me: “Oh I’m really sorry, due to extenuating circumstances we don’t have a pharmacist at the moment so legally I can’t give out any prescriptions. But if you wait 5 minutes, a replacement pharmacist will be here and then you can take it.”

    Customer: “But I need it. Give it to me!”

    Me: “I understand your problem but I would be breaking the law if I gave it to you.”

    Customer: “I work in the pharmaceutical industry and I know for a fact you are lying! Give it to me now!”

    (The pharmacist arrives and I explain the problem.)

    Pharmacist: “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience but my colleague was right, there was nothing she could do. But now that I’m here, you can take your prescription.”

    Customer: “You’re colleague is a cruel, moral-less b**** with the intelligence of a moron. She has endangered my life! I shall take this to court and win!” *storms out*

    Me: *to pharmacist* “What was in her prescription?”

    Pharmacist: “Drops for excessive ear wax.”

    Lack Of Support Is A Hot Topic

    , | United Kingdom | Health & Body, Top

    (It’s about 32C (89F) outside, so pretty hot. A fairly large lady comes into the shop wearing an enormous, thick fleece sweater and comes up to a colleague and myself at the desk.)

    Customer: “Warm today!”

    Me: “Certainly is! Can we help you?”

    Customer: “I need an outfit for a wedding. But now I’m here I think I’m too hot to try on clothes. Here, feel how hot I am!”

    (Before I can stop her, she grabs my hand from the desk and wipes it across her very, very sweaty forehead. I’m speechless.)

    Customer: “See?!”

    Me: *trying to discreetly wipe my hand on my leg* “Yes, you’re clearly very hot indeed. Maybe you could find some clothes and try them at home? You can return them, that’s no problem.”

    Customer: “Oh, I may as well now I’m here. I could also do with being measured for a new bra. Have you got any fitters in today?”

    (My colleague, who is the store’s lingerie specialist, suddenly goes wide-eyed and jumps in immediately.)

    Colleague: “I… No. No, we do not! Not today.”

    A Wee Bit Of A Problem

    | Texas USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    Me: "Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How may I help you?"”

    Caller: "I would like to know where people go to buy those cups."

    Me: What kind of cups are you looking for, sir?"

    Caller: "Sample cups."

    Me: "Sample cups? Do you mean like for a urine sample?"

    Caller: "Yeah! I need quite a few."

    Me: "I guess you could get them at a medical supply company. Have you tried that?"

    Caller: "Oh boy! Thank you, lady! You have helped me so much! See, I am looking for work and most places require a urine test. I want to have my samples all ready to go!"

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