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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    A Hearty Heart Meal

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant)]. My name is—”

    Customer: *rudely* “Can we go ahead and order? I am starving.”

    Me: “Go right ahead, sir.”

    Customer: “I’ll have the never-ending pancake sampler, but make it all bacon and add an extra egg over easy.”

    (He finishes his order, but continues to stare at me the entire time, until his food arrives. Note that his order comes with 3 eggs, 6 strips of bacon, hash browns and 3 pancakes. He asks me to bring out more pancakes twice, bringing his total to 8.)

    Me: *dropping off the check* “Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

    Customer: “No, that was great. I’m sorry I was so rude earlier; I was just starving. I just got out of the hospital for a heart attack. They don’t let you eat anything in there!”

    It’s High Time To Lay Off The Drugs

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?

    Customer: “Yeah, when do you start lunch?”

    Me: “At 10:30, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay, so can I get [large lunch meal]?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s still breakfast.”

    Customer: “But you just said you start lunch at 10:30!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but it’s not 10:30 yet.”

    Customer: “What time is it?”

    Me: “6:00 am, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *long pause* “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was this high when I left the house!”

    More Invasive Than You’d Like

    | Huddersfield, UK | Health & Body

    (I work at an optician’s office. We provide a service for customers who are diabetic where they can have a retinal screening.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Patient: *loudly* “I’m here for a diabetic rectal screening!”

    (There is an uncomfortable pause while the patient digests what he has just boomed out to the whole shop in a very loud voice.)

    Me: “Er…”

    Patient: “I think I got that wrong.”

    Me: “Slightly, sir.”

    The Fine Wine Between Pleasure And Pain

    | Tallahassee, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Thank you for calling Pain Management of Hamilton County. This is Pat, are you a new or existing patient?”

    Caller: “This isn’t Branchville Winery?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. This is Pain Management of Hamilton County.”

    Caller: “I guess I’m looking for a different kind of pain management…”

    A Dose By Any Other Name

    | Belize | Health & Body

    Customer: “Hey, I want some Tylenol.”

    Me: “For children or for adults?”

    Customer: “For adults.”

    Me: “At the moment, we only have the generic kind available. You know, paracetamol, also known as acetaminophen?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want any acetaminophen! Give me the other one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, they are the same thing, just different names for the same ingredient.”

    Customer: “Well, I just want the first one you named. Just don’t give me the other one.”

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