Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.
Customer: “I hear you are the go-to girl for computer problems.”
Me: “Yes, I am.” (I scoot over to the computer.) “What’s the problem?”
Customer: “I can’t remember my password.”
Me: “I don’t know your password.”
Customer: “So they lied when they told me you knew everything about the computers?”
Customer: “Now don’t forget my military discount!”
Me: “Do you have a military ID, sir?”
Customer: “Sure do.”
(He starts digging through his wallet and doesn’t immediately find it.)
Customer: “I can also show you my scars from Vietnam!”
Me: “Just the ID will do fine.”
(I work front desk and am checking in a new patient. Note that I am a lesbian, wearing a clearly visible pentagram necklace, and am in a 5 year relationship.)
Me: “Good morning! Go ahead and sign in and I’ll let the doctor know you’re here.”
Patient: “Your eyes are gorgeous!”
Me: “Thanks. Have a seat while I look through your paperwork.”
Patient: *doesn’t move*
Patient: “Your eyes are really just so beautiful. I can see the power of God in you. You are truly an angel, do you know that?”
Me: “I…get that a lot?”
Patient: “Are you single?”
Patient: “Are you sure? Is it serious?”
Me: “Yeah, pretty serious.”
Patient: “Oh, but you’ll just love my son. You have to meet him as soon as he gets back from his Mormon mission!”
Patient: “Are you sure you can’t consider breaking up with your boyfriend?”
Me: “I really don’t think she’d take that well.”
Me: “I said I really don’t think I’m allowed to date patients or their family members.”
Patient: “Oh…but do think about it. Your eyes are really just so pure! He’d really be perfect for you!”
(She called several weeks later to say she’d been committed to a mental hospital.)
(I have psoriasis, a hereditary condition which leaves me with large red patches on my scalp. This occurs while I am waiting in line at a convenience store with a woman standing behind me.)
Customer: "What’s wrong with you?"
Me: "I beg your pardon?"
Customer: "Those ugly blotches all over your head. What do you have?"
Me: "Oh, it’s a highly contagious flesh eating disease. Very painful."
Customer: "Oh my gosh! Really? How contagious is it?"
Me: "Well, you probably already have it."
Customer: *rushes out of the store in a panic*
Customer: “I’ve come to pick up my prescription.”
Me: “Oh I’m really sorry, due to extenuating circumstances we don’t have a pharmacist at the moment so legally I can’t give out any prescriptions. But if you wait 5 minutes, a replacement pharmacist will be here and then you can take it.”
Customer: “But I need it. Give it to me!”
Me: “I understand your problem but I would be breaking the law if I gave it to you.”
Customer: “I work in the pharmaceutical industry and I know for a fact you are lying! Give it to me now!”
(The pharmacist arrives and I explain the problem.)
Pharmacist: “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience but my colleague was right, there was nothing she could do. But now that I’m here, you can take your prescription.”
Customer: “You’re colleague is a cruel, moral-less b**** with the intelligence of a moron. She has endangered my life! I shall take this to court and win!” *storms out*
Me: *to pharmacist* “What was in her prescription?”
Pharmacist: “Drops for excessive ear wax.”