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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    More Invasive Than You’d Like

    | Huddersfield, UK | Health & Body

    (I work at an optician’s office. We provide a service for customers who are diabetic where they can have a retinal screening.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Patient: *loudly* “I’m here for a diabetic rectal screening!”

    (There is an uncomfortable pause while the patient digests what he has just boomed out to the whole shop in a very loud voice.)

    Me: “Er…”

    Patient: “I think I got that wrong.”

    Me: “Slightly, sir.”

    The Fine Wine Between Pleasure And Pain

    | Tallahassee, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Thank you for calling Pain Management of Hamilton County. This is Pat, are you a new or existing patient?”

    Caller: “This isn’t Branchville Winery?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. This is Pain Management of Hamilton County.”

    Caller: “I guess I’m looking for a different kind of pain management…”

    A Dose By Any Other Name

    | Belize | Health & Body

    Customer: “Hey, I want some Tylenol.”

    Me: “For children or for adults?”

    Customer: “For adults.”

    Me: “At the moment, we only have the generic kind available. You know, paracetamol, also known as acetaminophen?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want any acetaminophen! Give me the other one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, they are the same thing, just different names for the same ingredient.”

    Customer: “Well, I just want the first one you named. Just don’t give me the other one.”

    It Gives Your Hair That Fiery Look

    | Ocala, FL, USA | Health & Body

    Customer: “Do you have butane?”

    Me: “Butane?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Butane, like the gas?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s for your skin and hair.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I doubt that’s safe. Butane is a type of lighter fluid. I am almost positive it is not beneficial for your hair or skin.”

    Customer: “I use it all the time. I swallow it and it works. Butane.”

    (Puzzled, I look at the woman for a few…and then it hits me.)

    Me: “Do you mean biotin?”

    Customer: “Yes, butane!”

    Harvested From The Great Nyquil Tree

    | Ontario, Canada | Health & Body

    Patient: “Hi, my 6-month-old grandson has some congestion in his nose and a fever. I gave him some NyQuil yesterday and that seemed to help. Is there anything you would recommend?”

    Me: “For the congestion, you can use these saline drops, they’re–”

    Patient: “No! I don’t wanna use that medicated stuff.”

    Me: “All right. Well, for the fever you can try this Tylenol. Do you know the wei–”

    Patient: “No! I don’t want to use that! It has acetaminophen in it! That’s not safe for babies.”

    Me: “Actually, acetaminophen is quite safe for infants.”

    Patient: “You’re a pharmacist. You would say that!”

    Me: “Well, the only other option is the Advil.”

    Patient: “That has acetaminophen too!”

    Me: “No, that has ibuprofen. Which is also saf–”

    Patient: “No, it isn’t!”

    Me: “Are you aware that NyQuil has acetaminophen in it?”

    Patient: “You lie! NyQuil has NyQuil in it! Isn’t there anything more natural I can give?!”

    Me: “No.”

    Patient: “You’re useless!” *storms off*

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