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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    A Warm And Full(filling) Night In

    | Boston, MA, USA | Health & Body

    (A man in his mid-30′s approaches the register. I notice that he looks a little grumpy about something.)

    Me: “Hello!”

    Customer: “Hi.”

    (It is at this point that I notice that he only has two items to ring up: a 20oz bottle of soda and an enema.)

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m holding an enema, what do you think?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (I ring him up silently. Poor guy, I hope he feels better!)

    Obviously, He Needs Food For Thought

    | Connecticut, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work in a large, well-known used bookstore. We offer complimentary coffee and doughnuts to our patrons, but we do not have a cafe or serve any other food. The bookshelves are extremely obvious and numerous. A middle-aged man enters.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a medium hot dog to go.”

    Me: *laughing* “Sorry, sir! We’re fresh out of hot dogs!”

    Customer: *rolling his eyes and heaving a big sigh* “Okay, then what else do you have?”

    Me: “Um, we have coffee and doughnuts.”

    Customer: “That’s it? You don’t have any sandwiches or anything? What kind of a restaurant is this?”

    Me: “We’re a bookstore.”

    Customer: “A bookstore!? But I’m hungry!”

    Me: “Well, like I said, we do have coffee and doughnuts–”

    Customer: “Forget it! I’ll find another restaurant. This is ridiculous!”

    Related:Obviously, She Needs Food For Thought

    What’s Your Poison

    | New Zealand | Health & Body

    (I’m a pharmacist in a rural area. A shop assistant calls me out from the dispensary to talk to a customer, who is a slightly intoxicated middle aged woman.)

    Customer: “This medicine made my partner sick! Violently sick!”

    Me: “Let me see. Has he had any alcohol?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Are you sure? Not even a little?”

    Customer: “He doesn’t drink. Maybe only a little, but he wasn’t drunk.”

    Me: “It clearly says on the label that you must not drink any alcohol while being treated with this medicine.”

    Customer: “But he didn’t drink much at all. A beer shouldn’t matter, should it?”

    Me: “It contains enough alcohol to–”

    Customer: “But, like, you can even drive if you only drink a beer!”

    Me: “That has nothing to do with–”

    Customer: “I think he’d better not take this medicine. It made him violently sick!”

    Me: “I think he should–”

    Customer: “Thanks, I’ll tell him what you said. This medicine is a poison!” *turns around and walks out*

    Reading Is Infectious

    | Melbourne, Australia | Health & Body, Top

    (A customer is returning a large pile of overdue books – about 90 for the entire family. She’s waiting while I process them in order to pay the fine.)

    Me: “Well, they’re not very overdue. It’s just that there’s a lot of them.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry they’re late.”

    (I scan the last few books.)

    Me: “Okay, over the three cards, there’s $50 in fines, but I’ll halve that to $25 as they’re not too late.”

    Customer: “Oh, thanks so much. I just couldn’t get them in as we’ve all had scarlet fever.”

    (I look at the pile of books, every one of which I have handled.)

    Me: “Oh…”

    Involuntarily Voluntary Or Voluntarily Involuntary

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (This happens to me while I am working as a cashier at a popular fast food place. A big, stereotypical jock teen in a football sweater comes up to my till.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like two apple pies, please.”

    Me: “Sure, hang on a second.”

    (I ring up the order and gives him the pies.)

    Customer: “There’s something wrong…”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “I s*** my pants.”

    Me: *shocked* “Wait, what?”

    Customer: “I S*** MY PANTS!” *continues screaming and walks out of the store*

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