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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    More Than Just Your Car Needs Cleaning

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Top

    Me: “Hi, how are you today? Do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “Here you go. Do you all do any detailing here?”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t. I can recommend a place.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I just really need to get my car sodomized.”

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Manager: *walks in*

    Customer, to my manager: “Do you know a good sodomizer? It’s been ages since I had it done.”

    Manager: *walks out*

    Not The Breast Of Days

    | Illinois, USA | Health & Body

    (It’s 4 am, and a customer enters the store and approaches me. By the smell of his breath, he has clearly been drinking.)

    Customer: “Do you know where I could find needle and thread?”

    Me: “That would be in the crafts department. Would you like me to show you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, thanks.”

    (As we start to walk toward the craft department, which is in the back of the store, his phone rings. He picks up and has a short conversation to which I didn’t pay much attention. I only heard him say, “I guess I’ll have to sew it back on.”)

    Customer: *hangs up* “It’s been a bad night.”

    Me: “You too, huh?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I got my nipple torn off.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I got drunk, got in a fight, and my nipple got torn halfway off.”

    (He pulls his shirt to the side to show me his nipple barely hanging on.)

    Customer: “My friends said to go to the hospital, but I don’t have insurance, so I’m just gonna have to sew it back on myself.”

    Makeup Quiz For A Madeup Flu

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, School

    (A student who has missed class and calls me a day later to explain her absence.)

    Student: “I need to take the quiz I missed yesterday.”

    Me: “Remember, quizzes cannot be made up.”

    Student: “I missed class yesterday because my son is sick.”

    Little voice in the background: “Momma, I’m sick?”

    A State Of Mindlessness, Part 2

    | WA, USA | Health & Body, Home Improvement

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’ve noticed that all these pieces of wood have a sticker on them that say’s they contain a product that is believed to cause cancer in the state of California.”

    Me: “Yes, that is just a sticker the company has left on there because we also sell in California.”

    Customer: “So, since I live here in Washington I won’t get cancer, right?”

    Related:
    A State Of Mindlessness

    A-Pee-l For An Appointment

    | OR, USA | Health & Body

    (Some of the exams we schedule require that a patient have a full bladder at the time of the exam in order to get the appropriate images.)

    Caller: “Hi, I was hoping you might have an opening for an OB ultrasound this afternoon?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the schedule is actually very full today. I could get her in tomorrow afternoon if you’d like?”

    Caller: “No, that’s okay. She’s just here now with a full bladder and we didn’t want to waste it.”


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