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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Please Contact Manufacturer For Missing Parts

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Technology

    (I work for a major cable company troubleshooting internet problems over the phone. I am not sure if the customer in this story isn’t sober or just crazy, but he definitely isn’t right.)

    Me: “All right…let’s reconnect the cables to your router and we’ll have you back up in no time.”

    Customer: *distracted* “Hey, honey? How many fingers should I have?”

    Wife: *in the background* “You have five on each hand.”

    Customer: *panicking* “Oh, God! I’ve only got four and my thumb!” *to me* “I’m going to have to call you back. I need to dial 911 now!” *hangs up*

    No Pain, No Vain

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Health & Body

    (A customer comes in to return a home leg waxing kit.)

    Me: “Can I ask why you are unsatisfied with this product?”

    Customer: “It hurts!”

    Me: “Yes, because waxing involves ripping the hair out by the roots.”

    Customer: “Well, it shouldn’t hurt!”

    Never Get Between A Man And His Metabolism

    | Singapore | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “So, you can’t consume any food or drink after 12 midnight today—”

    Patient: “Do you want me to starve to death?”

    Me: “Actually, sir, you’re one of the earlier cases. Your reporting time is at 9:30 am.”

    Patient: “I’ll still starve to death! What the h*** are you people trying to do, kill me?!”

    Sweetness Is Infectious

    , | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (Our store has a coffee bar that sells pastry items that are made in house and is usually staffed by a barista. The bakery is located directly behind the coffee bar. I am working in the bakery. I hear a strange noise behind me and turn around to find an elderly gentleman standing at the coffee bar jingling his keys to get my attention.)

    Me: “Yes, sir? May I help you?”

    Customer: “What is the difference between these and these?” *points at cupcakes and muffins* “Why is one more expensive than the other?”

    Me: “Those are muffins and those are cupcakes. Cupcakes have more expensive ingredients and take more time to make; that’s why they cost more.”

    Customer: “But what’s the difference between a muffin and cupcake?”

    Me: “Cupcakes have icing and are generally sweeter.”

    Customer: “Why do they all have icing on them? Don’t you know there’s a diabetes epidemic! Sugar is dangerous!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t make the cupcakes; I’m one of the bread bakers. If you have questions, the pastry bakers are here in the afternoon.”

    Customer: “Why is there sugar in everything!? Don’t you know that sugar is bad for you?!”

    Me: “I don’t make the pastry items, sir. The pastry bakers are here in the afternoon if you’d like to call and ask questions.”

    Customer: “Diabetes is everywhere! You shouldn’t put icing on everything! It’s dangerous!” *walks away*

    If Only You Could See How Dumb You Look

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Health & Body

    (A customer calls in to check the status of his glasses. They have been here for several months because he hasn’t paid his balance in full. His account is therefore in collections.)

    Me: “Thank you for selecting [store]. This is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want my glasses. My name is [name]. They need to be shipped to my new address.”

    Me: *checks for his glasses* “Okay, sir, it appears you have an unpaid balance on your account. Your glasses were sent to corporate for unpaid fee and for not picking them up within 60 days.”

    Customer: “Why do I have a balance?! I can’t see and you are rude! Give me the glasses. Here is the address….”

    (The customer gives his new address, which happens to be out of state.)

    Me: “Sir, I apologize for the inconvenience. Let me take down your information and give you a call back.

    Customer: “Fine! You are awful at your job. I got glasses and now you’re keeping them from me. You want me to suffer?!”

    Me: “No, sir. Let me call you back.”

    (I find out the customer is not eligible for his insurance and he now owes the full balance for his glasses. There’s nothing I can do, but I call him back to inform him.)

    Customer: “What do you mean I don’t have insurance?! I just used it last week. This is ridiculous! Are you that stupid?! Send me my glasses TODAY! Now!”

    Me: “Sir, there’s nothing I can do. You owe $130.98 for the glasses. You have to pay it before we can get them to—”

    Customer: “Why do you need those glasses so much? You can’t afford to send them to me? What kind of business is this?!”

    Me: “I have no control over your insurance and I don’t know what you want me to do. Either pay for the glasses or call back when you can.”

    Customer: “I demand my glasses now!”

    Me: “You have Indiana Medicaid and now you live in another state. Maybe that’s why you no longer are insured. You want me to send you a free pair of glasses and be insured by a state you no longer live in?”

    Customer: “Yes! Do it.”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t do it even if I wanted to.”

    Customer: “But I’m blind! I can’t see anything.”

    Me: “Sir, you have the lowest possible prescription that we make glasses for.”

    Customer: *click*

    (He calls back everyday for two weeks and curses everyone out, including my manager. Thankfully, he eventually pays the balance.)

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