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  • Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    D-Eye-Y

    | New Zealand | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am currently going through medical school and working at a nearby hardware store part-time to help pay the bills. As part of study, students have been given internships at various local hospitals. Note: New Zealanders pride themselves on their DIY skills.)

    Customer: “Hey mate, I need some stuff to build a deck. Can ya help me find it?”

    Me: “Certainly, what were you after?”

    (As per our instruction, after recommending the tools and materials the customer would need, I am required to point out various safety gear as well. All has been going great so far…)

    Me: “May I also recommend that you grab some safety glasses? They could save you a lot of trouble if things happen to go wrong.”

    Customer: *suddenly hostile* “Look, mate, I don’t need any of this s***! I know how it needs to be done. Any real man does! If you were a real man, you’d know too. I ain’t paying for any s*** I don’t need!”

    (He eventually leaves, but not before complaining to customer service about me. Three days later while working at the hospital as a medical student, I take the same customer’s history. The reason: he had a splinter lodged in the side of his eye. I wish I was making this up!)

    Rooted In Anger

    | Illinois, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

    (Note: My hair is a darker shade of auburn and I am often asked it’s natural, which it is. A seemingly normal woman comes up to the register.)

    Me: “Is this all today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Oh, my! Is that your actual hair color?”

    Me: “Oh, yes, it is.”

    Customer: “It’s not fair! IT MAKES ME WANT TO RIP YOUR EYEBALLS OUT!”

    Liar, Liar, Hand’s On Fire

    | CA, USA | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

    (Our theme park has designated smoking areas. I have just rounded a corner and see a guest smoking in a non-designated spot near a children’s play area. She spots me quickly and hides the cigarette in her hand.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a non-smoking area. I can show you to one of our designated smoking areas just a short distance away.”

    Guest: “I wasn’t smoking! That is a very rude accusation to make!”

    (Meanwhile, smoke has been drifting out from between her fingers where she has cupped her hand around the still-lit cigarette.)

    Me: “Then it appears your hand is on fire. I can take you to one of our emergency medical stations. They’re conveniently located next to our designated smoking areas.”

    Guest: *deadpan* “Yes, that’s it. Oh no, my hand! Please show me to medical station!”

    (I lead her towards the medical station. As soon as she sees the smoking area, she peels off without a word and goes there to finish her cigarette.)

    We Prefer Our Privates Private

    | Edmonton, Canada | Health & Body

    (At my store we sell Saxx, a type of men’s boxer briefs that contains a “holder” for added support and comfort for men. These sell for around $25- $30. A customer is buying 2 pairs.)

    Me: “So, the Saxx will be final sale because they are an undergarment. Your total is [total].”

    Customer: “But why are they final sale? What if I decide I don’t like them?”

    Me: “Well, typically people don’t want to purchase products that have already been worn, especially underwear.”

    Customer: “But these are men’s underwear!”

    Me: “That doesn’t make a difference. For hygienic reasons, we can’t resell these. So, they’re a final sale.”

    Customer: “Fine! But I don’t see what the problem is. Men don’t care about that; only women do!”

    Sink Or Dim(witted)

    | Vernon, NJ, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work for a large water park that has a ride which involves a jump off a 25 foot cliff and a Tarzan rope swing. On these rides, we have a series of questions we legally must ask.)

    Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

    Guest: “Huh?”

    Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

    Guest: “Oh…uh…yeah, of course.”

    Me: “Any head, neck, or back injuries?”

    Guest: *indignant* “Would I be standing here if I did? No injuries!”

    Me: “Any history of heart problems?”

    Guest: “Nope.”

    Me: “Any shoulder dislocations?”

    Guest: *rolls shoulders* “No, I’m good.”

    Me: “Okay, no flipping or diving. Grab this rope, and you’re good to go…”

    (The guest proceeds to swing out over water and falls off almost instantly. I look down and see him struggling to stay afloat, so my coworker jumps in and leads him to the ladder. I close off the ride to fill out a report for the save.)

    Me: *to coworker* “What happened?!”

    Coworker: “I don’t exactly know. He says his shoulder hurts.”

    Me: “Sir, have you ever had a dislocated shoulder?”

    Guest: “Yes, why do you ask?”

    Me: “Because when I asked you before, you said no, and now you hurt it. Also, was it because of your shoulder that you were having trouble swimming?”

    Guest: “No. I just can’t swim.”

    Me: “So, when I asked if you were a good swimmer, why did you say yes?”

    Guest: “I didn’t realize I would have to swim!”

    Related:
    No, Really: Sink Or Swim

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