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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    If Only You Could See How Dumb You Look

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Health & Body

    (A customer calls in to check the status of his glasses. They have been here for several months because he hasn’t paid his balance in full. His account is therefore in collections.)

    Me: “Thank you for selecting [store]. This is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want my glasses. My name is [name]. They need to be shipped to my new address.”

    Me: *checks for his glasses* “Okay, sir, it appears you have an unpaid balance on your account. Your glasses were sent to corporate for unpaid fee and for not picking them up within 60 days.”

    Customer: “Why do I have a balance?! I can’t see and you are rude! Give me the glasses. Here is the address….”

    (The customer gives his new address, which happens to be out of state.)

    Me: “Sir, I apologize for the inconvenience. Let me take down your information and give you a call back.

    Customer: “Fine! You are awful at your job. I got glasses and now you’re keeping them from me. You want me to suffer?!”

    Me: “No, sir. Let me call you back.”

    (I find out the customer is not eligible for his insurance and he now owes the full balance for his glasses. There’s nothing I can do, but I call him back to inform him.)

    Customer: “What do you mean I don’t have insurance?! I just used it last week. This is ridiculous! Are you that stupid?! Send me my glasses TODAY! Now!”

    Me: “Sir, there’s nothing I can do. You owe $130.98 for the glasses. You have to pay it before we can get them to—”

    Customer: “Why do you need those glasses so much? You can’t afford to send them to me? What kind of business is this?!”

    Me: “I have no control over your insurance and I don’t know what you want me to do. Either pay for the glasses or call back when you can.”

    Customer: “I demand my glasses now!”

    Me: “You have Indiana Medicaid and now you live in another state. Maybe that’s why you no longer are insured. You want me to send you a free pair of glasses and be insured by a state you no longer live in?”

    Customer: “Yes! Do it.”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t do it even if I wanted to.”

    Customer: “But I’m blind! I can’t see anything.”

    Me: “Sir, you have the lowest possible prescription that we make glasses for.”

    Customer: *click*

    (He calls back everyday for two weeks and curses everyone out, including my manager. Thankfully, he eventually pays the balance.)

    Detox, Retox

    | New Jersey, USA | Health & Body

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pest control] this is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just got medicated on Thursday and I am not due in again until next week. However, I have to work the day I am supposed to come in. Can I come in and get medicated today? I know you are closing soon I can get over there soon.”

    Me: “Um, I think you have the wrong number.”

    Customer: “Oh, this isn’t the methadone clinic?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this is a pest control company.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *hangs up*

    No Deposits, Just Withdrawals

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Top

    (A customer approaches the teller window with a withdrawal ticket.)

    Me: “Hi there! Withdrawal today?”

    (The customer seems taken aback.)

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “You’re taking out cash, right?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. I thought you knew about my drug problem!”

    Ersatz-Guile Dysfunction

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I work for a bank’s fraud claims department.)

    Caller: “I did not do this transaction from [male enhancement supplements company].”

    Me: “Sir, I see that the merchant was able to verify your name, full address, and card CVV. Is there anyone else who has access to your card?”

    Caller: “This is fraud! I don’t even know who the f*** they are!”

    Me: “I understand, but if they have your address, most likely the product was shipped to you.”

    Caller: “D*** it. I did it, okay? IT DIDN’T WORK!”

    Please Don’t Get P’ed Off

    | North Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m walking towards a children’s movie to clean it out after the show. A woman and her son walk out and wave me over.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am? How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, but my son had an accident in your theater.”

    Me: “What kind of accident?”

    Customer: “He peed in the seat. He was so busy watching the movie that he forgot to go.”

    Me: “I understand. If you could just tell me which seats you were sitting in, I’ll go clean them out.”

    Customer: “The ones with the pee in the seat, I think…”

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