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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Soap And Awe

    | Oklahoma, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    (The customer was having trouble accessing his e-mail. I am walking through the steps.)

    Me: “Now, if you could just type in the address bar—”

    Caller: “Oh, you’ll have to give me a minute. I’ve only got one arm. I was in the war.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s okay. Take your time. I actually had a cousin that just got back from Afghanistan. He had lost both of his legs. I couldn’t imagine.”

    Caller: “Actually, I didn’t lose my arm in the war. I lost it in the shower.”

    Me: *in shock*

    Piercing Puerility

    | Connecticut, USA | Health & Body

    Customer: “How do I know my nose ring goes all the way through my nose?”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “Well, I can’t see it, so that must mean that it doesn’t go all the way through my nose.”

    Me: “Your nose ring goes all the way through your nostril.”

    Customer: “But I can’t see it.”

    Me: “You’re not supposed to see it.”

    Customer: “But it doesn’t go all the way through my nose!”

    Me: “The word ‘pierce’ means that it goes all the way through your nostril. It wouldn’t be pierced if it didn’t go all the way through.”

    Customer: “But I can’t see it!”

    Me: “You’re not supposed to see it. Unless you get a hoop, you’re not going to see it.”

    Customer: *leaves*

    The Shape Of Things To ‘C’

    | California, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (My manager & I are working one night. A very well dressed woman in her 50s walks in.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you doing tonight?”

    Customer: “I’m doing fine.”

    Me: “What are you looking for?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for something for my husband. He needs something for…”

    (She motions her right hand to make it into the shape of a ‘C’.)

    Me: “He needs vitamin C?”

    Customer: “No…something for…”

    (She emphasizes the ‘C’ shape of her right hand.)

    Me: “He needs some calcium??”

    Customer: “No…you know what I mean?”

    (She’s still making the ‘C’ with her right hand, but is now widening the shape.)

    Me: “I don’t think I know what it is.”

    (I ask for my manager who has been watching us. He immediately gets what she’s asking for.)

    Manager: *points towards the male enhancements* “Ma’am, we have a wide variety of libido enhancers, but there isn’t anything to make him ‘wider’ or ‘girthier’.”

    Customer: “Aww. Well, his libido’s fine. He just needs a little more to work with. Thank you for the help anyway!” *leaves*

    Please Contact Manufacturer For Missing Parts

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Technology

    (I work for a major cable company troubleshooting internet problems over the phone. I am not sure if the customer in this story isn’t sober or just crazy, but he definitely isn’t right.)

    Me: “All right…let’s reconnect the cables to your router and we’ll have you back up in no time.”

    Customer: *distracted* “Hey, honey? How many fingers should I have?”

    Wife: *in the background* “You have five on each hand.”

    Customer: *panicking* “Oh, God! I’ve only got four and my thumb!” *to me* “I’m going to have to call you back. I need to dial 911 now!” *hangs up*

    No Pain, No Vain

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Health & Body

    (A customer comes in to return a home leg waxing kit.)

    Me: “Can I ask why you are unsatisfied with this product?”

    Customer: “It hurts!”

    Me: “Yes, because waxing involves ripping the hair out by the roots.”

    Customer: “Well, it shouldn’t hurt!”

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