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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Self-Discarding Prophecy

    | Switzerland | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I am a secretary at an eye clinic. A patient comes up to me to get a new appointment.)

    Me: “So, this is your card with the date and time of the consultation.”

    Patient: “Do I get a letter with this information?”

    Me: “We just give out the cards. We have about 140 patients everyday. So, we can’t mail everyone a letter for their next appointment… sorry.”

    Patient: “But then, how do I remember it?”

    Me: “Well, you have your card now.”

    Patient: “That’s not possible, because I’m going to throw this card away!”

    Me: “Just please hang on to the card, and you’ll be fine.”

    Patient: “Great. How am I supposed to remember the appointment when I’m throwing this away?”

    Me: “Please just hang on to the card.”

    Patient: “You’re no help at all. In case I forget my next appointment, it’s your fault!”

    Well, That Narrows It Down, Part 3

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (While checking in on a patient…)

    Me: “Do you know the name of your primary care doctor?”

    Patient: “Oh, I don’t remember that.”

    Me: “Do you remember anything about them? The name of the practice, or what street it’s on?”

    Patient: “It’s either a man or a woman.”

    Me: “I see…”

    Related:
    Well, That Narrows It Down, Part 2
    Well, That Narrows It Down

    Cardiac Unrest

    | Arizona, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body

    (I work in an ER and I am checking in a patient who needs a cardiac procedure.)

    Patient: “You have an accent. Where are you from?”

    Me: “South Africa.”

    Patient: *disgusted* “South AFRICA? Oh, well I’m sure they wouldn’t have hired you unless you were properly educated.”

    Me: “I assure you, I have a good education. The cardiologist will be in to see you shortly.”

    (As I’m walking out, the cardiologist walks in and introduces himself to the patient.)

    Patient: “Oh, you have an accent, too. Where are you from?”

    Doctor: “South Africa.”

    Patient: *horrified*

    No Returns, Period

    | UK | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (Our store has a policy that if an item of lingerie has tags and a receipt, and is in resaleable condition, we will refund it if it is not reduced by 50% or more.)

    Customer: “Can I have a refund on this, please?” *puts bag on counter*

    Me: “Okay, is it lingerie?”

    Customer: *snorts* “Of course it is.”

    (I tip out the bag. It contains a single pair of briefs that match a bra we also sell.)

    Me: “So, you want to return these briefs? Do you have the receipt?”

    Customer: *digs through her purse* “I have it in here somewhere.”

    Me: “Um, there’s a… mark… on the inside of these briefs. I don’t think I can return them even with a receipt.”

    (Note: There is a large, very obvious blood stain on the inside of the briefs. I cannot return an item in this condition unless it is seriously faulty. I am already feeling concerned that I have handled the item before knowing about the blood stain.)

    Customer: “Why not?! They don’t fit! When I bought them, the girl said I could return them with the tags and receipt!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we can only return items in a resaleable condition and these aren’t so.”

    Customer: “She said I could return them with tags and a receipt! I have both, so you have to give me a refund!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s a blood stain on these. We can only return items that are faulty or in a resaleable condition. I’m familiar with all our products and I know these aren’t faulty. Because of the stain, we can’t resell them so I can’t process a return either. I’m really sorry.”

    Customer: “But she said I could return them with a receipt and tags! I want to speak to a manager!”

    Me: “I will get a manager, but it won’t change anything.”

    (I go to get our department manager.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but you can only return items in a resaleable condition. Even if you wanted an exchange, which you don’t, these have a blood stain so I can’t allow you to return them.”

    Customer: “BUT THE GIRL SAID I COULD RETURN THEM WITH TAGS AND A RECEIPT, WHICH I HAVE!”

    Manager: “If you wanted to return them, you should have tried them on over another pair of pants so they wouldn’t become stained with blood. You have put my staff at risk by trying to return them in this condition, and I am not prepared to even offer you an exchange given the condition you have presented this item in. In the future, please try on briefs when you are not at ‘that time of the month’ and there won’t be a problem.”

    Customer: *gives manager a mortified look and scuttles out*

    Me: *to my manager* “Thank you!”

    Manager: “Go wash your hands. I’m sorry you had to deal with that!”

    (I washed my hands about ten times until I felt like I’d taken a full layer of skin off!)

    Just Plain Nuts

    | Panama City Beach, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    Customer: “So, does the Rocky Road have peanuts in it? I’m allergic to peanuts.”

    Me: “I’m afraid it does, sir. I’d recommend the Cookie Dough; it’s very good.”

    Customer: “No, no, I’ve had that before. Thanks for telling me about the Rocky Road though. Allergies, you know?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, my friend is very allergic to peanuts, too.”

    Customer: “You’re such a nice girl. All right, I think I’ll have vanilla with the peanut butter candy on top.”

    Me: “Sir? Um… the candy has p—”

    Customer: “Look, kiddo, you were a big help but gimme my darn ice cream, okay? I’m in a bit of a hurry!”

    Me: “Sir, you just told me you had a peanut allergy. I can’t in good conscience give you that topping.”

    Customer: “You’re a teenager. You don’t have a conscience! You’re probably waiting for your boyfriend to show up so you can have sex and do drugs!”

    Me: *dumbstruck*

    Other Customer: “Hey, jerkface, she’s trying to tell you that the candy has peanuts in it! For not having a conscience, she’s being pretty nice about keeping you out of the hospital!”

    Customer: *leaves in a huff*

    Other Customer: “I’m not allergic to peanuts or delusional. One Rocky Road!”

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