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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    A Horse Can Lead Itself To Water

    | East Coast, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

    (My father is a dentist, and he is known among his dentist friends for having insane patients. This one really takes the cake, though.)

    Dental Office: “Good morning, this is Dr. [name]‘s office. How may I help
    you?”

    Patient: “Yes, it’s [name]. I’d like to cancel my appointment for today.”

    Dental Office: “I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask why you’re canceling?”

    Patient: “I have this awful toothache!”

    The Cannabis Chronicles

    | Hilo, HI, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    Customer: “I need an auxiliary cable and a USB cord.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem.”

    (I take the customer to where the USB cords are and hand him the one he wants. He puts it under his arm and we continue over to where the aux cables are.)

    Me: “All right, and here’s your cable. Is there anything else that I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need a USB cord.”

    Me: “Like the one under your arm?”

    (The customer looks down and seems shocked to be holding the cord.)

    Customer: “Woah! Must be all that weed I smoke!”

    A Quack Of All Trades

    | Springfield, MA, USA | Health & Body

    (I work at the information desk in a section of the hospital allocated for renting to private practices. It’s a pretty large building, so we get a lot of patients asking directions to a certain doctor’s office.)

    Patient: “I have an appointment at 2:00. Where do I go?”

    Me: “Well, this is a large building with a lot of doctors in it. Who did you need to see?”

    Patient: “I don’t know. Can’t you look it up? My name is [name].”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I don’t have access to the doctors’ schedules. Do you remember what kind of doctor it was? General practitioner, cardiologist—”

    Patient: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “What were you seeing the doctor for?”

    Patient: “My kidneys, I think…”

    (I start going through the list of doctors looking for nephrologists.)

    Me: “Does [nephrologist] sound familiar?”

    Patient: “I don’t remember! Just tell me where my appointment is!”

    Soap And Awe

    | Oklahoma, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    (The customer was having trouble accessing his e-mail. I am walking through the steps.)

    Me: “Now, if you could just type in the address bar—”

    Caller: “Oh, you’ll have to give me a minute. I’ve only got one arm. I was in the war.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s okay. Take your time. I actually had a cousin that just got back from Afghanistan. He had lost both of his legs. I couldn’t imagine.”

    Caller: “Actually, I didn’t lose my arm in the war. I lost it in the shower.”

    Me: *in shock*

    Piercing Puerility

    | Connecticut, USA | Health & Body

    Customer: “How do I know my nose ring goes all the way through my nose?”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “Well, I can’t see it, so that must mean that it doesn’t go all the way through my nose.”

    Me: “Your nose ring goes all the way through your nostril.”

    Customer: “But I can’t see it.”

    Me: “You’re not supposed to see it.”

    Customer: “But it doesn’t go all the way through my nose!”

    Me: “The word ‘pierce’ means that it goes all the way through your nostril. It wouldn’t be pierced if it didn’t go all the way through.”

    Customer: “But I can’t see it!”

    Me: “You’re not supposed to see it. Unless you get a hoop, you’re not going to see it.”

    Customer: *leaves*

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