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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    No Deposits, Just Withdrawals

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Top

    (A customer approaches the teller window with a withdrawal ticket.)

    Me: “Hi there! Withdrawal today?”

    (The customer seems taken aback.)

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “You’re taking out cash, right?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. I thought you knew about my drug problem!”

    Ersatz-Guile Dysfunction

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I work for a bank’s fraud claims department.)

    Caller: “I did not do this transaction from [male enhancement supplements company].”

    Me: “Sir, I see that the merchant was able to verify your name, full address, and card CVV. Is there anyone else who has access to your card?”

    Caller: “This is fraud! I don’t even know who the f*** they are!”

    Me: “I understand, but if they have your address, most likely the product was shipped to you.”

    Caller: “D*** it. I did it, okay? IT DIDN’T WORK!”

    Please Don’t Get P’ed Off

    | North Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m walking towards a children’s movie to clean it out after the show. A woman and her son walk out and wave me over.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am? How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, but my son had an accident in your theater.”

    Me: “What kind of accident?”

    Customer: “He peed in the seat. He was so busy watching the movie that he forgot to go.”

    Me: “I understand. If you could just tell me which seats you were sitting in, I’ll go clean them out.”

    Customer: “The ones with the pee in the seat, I think…”

    Til Delivery Do Us Part

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am! It’s [my name] from [store name]! I wanted to let you know your order came in—”

    Customer: “Oh! Yes, would you ship it—oh, hold on.”

    (There’s long pause.)

    Customer: “Actually, will you call me back in a couple days? I’m just sitting here waiting for my husband to die.”

    Me: *taken aback* “Oh, my…I am so sorry your husband is ill, ma’am—”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Don’t forget to call me, okay? Bye!” *click*

    Parenting Isn’t A Cake Walk

    | Hamilton, ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A mother and her son are sampling several kinds of ice cream, trying to decide what kind of ice cream cake they want. Note that all flavors are clearly labelled with their contents.)

    Customer: “Are there nuts in the pralines ‘n’ cream ice cream? My son is allergic to nuts.”

    Me: “Yes, pralines are nuts. You did not tell me he has a nut allergy. How’s your son, is he okay? Should I call an ambulance? Do you need help?”

    Customer: “So, about my cake…I’m still not really sure what flavors I want. How can I order my cake now? My son’s face is getting itchy.”

    Me: “You should probably just go ahead and take him to the hospital. Can I call someone? Do you want to use my phone? How’s your son doing?”

    Customer: “Yes, I should probably go to the hospital, but then, how will I order my cake? I want this cake. What should I do?”

    Me: “Take a card and call us with a phone order later. You should get your son some help!”

    Customer: “But, about my cake…”

    (She finally takes him to the hospital. Luckily, it is close by!)


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