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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Children Get Sick Periodically

    | New York, New York, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (A woman walks into the store with her young daughter. Her daughter looks feverish and is sniffling.)

    Customer: “Oh look honey, they have candy bars. Go get yourself one while mommy shops for her things.”

    (The little girl walks up to the counter and takes a candy bar.)

    Me: “Are you feeling okay, little girl?”

    Daughter: “My mommy says as long as she gets her tampons, I’ll feel better.”

    (The girl suddenly vomits all over the candy bars and on the counter.)

    Daughter: “QUICK MOMMY! GET YOUR TAMPONS!”

    The Mother Of All Sicknesses

    | Mesa, AZ, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    Customer: “I need to get an appointment for my son right away!”

    Me: “Okay, has he seen the doctor before?”

    Customer: “No. He had an appointment but he missed it.”

    (I get the patient’s name and check him in the computer. He missed a consult appointment on 8/10 and didn’t call to cancel. He simply didn’t show up. It is now 9/27.)

    Me: “Okay, our next available appointment is October 22nd.”

    Customer: “That’s not soon enough! Don’t you have anything sooner?”

    Me: “That’s our next available routine appointment. If you want to have his primary care physician call and speak with our doctor, we may be able to move it up, but right now I can’t put him in our emergency slots.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “It’s our policy not to give out emergency slots to patients who have previously no-showed appointments.”

    Customer: “What if it’s an emergency?”

    Me: “Given that his original appointment that you missed was six weeks ago, I find that unlikely.”

    Customer: “He’s got hormones in his brain!”

    *long awkward silence*

    Me: “He’s a teenage boy, right?”

    Customer: “It’s an emergency!”

    Related:
    The Mother Of All Excuses

    Pass(word) The Buck

    | Missoula, MT, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    Customer: “I hear you are the go-to girl for computer problems.”

    Me: “Yes, I am.” (I scoot over to the computer.) “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “I can’t remember my password.”

    Me: “I don’t know your password.”

    Customer: “So they lied when they told me you knew everything about the computers?”

    Military Discount Can Save An Arm And A Leg

    | Sicklerville, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money

    Customer: “Now don’t forget my military discount!”

    Me: “Do you have a military ID, sir?”

    Customer: “Sure do.”

    (He starts digging through his wallet and doesn’t immediately find it.)

    Customer: “I can also show you my scars from Vietnam!”

    Me: “Just the ID will do fine.”

    Fruity Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I work front desk and am checking in a new patient. Note that I am a lesbian, wearing a clearly visible pentagram necklace, and am in a 5 year relationship.)

    Me: “Good morning! Go ahead and sign in and I’ll let the doctor know you’re here.”

    Patient: “Your eyes are gorgeous!”

    Me: “Thanks. Have a seat while I look through your paperwork.”

    Patient: *doesn’t move*

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Patient: “Your eyes are really just so beautiful. I can see the power of God in you. You are truly an angel, do you know that?”

    Me: “I…get that a lot?”

    Patient: “Are you single?”

    Me: “No.”

    Patient: “Are you sure? Is it serious?”

    Me: “Yeah, pretty serious.”

    Patient: “Oh, but you’ll just love my son. You have to meet him as soon as he gets back from his Mormon mission!”

    Me: “Uhm…”

    Patient: “Are you sure you can’t consider breaking up with your boyfriend?”

    Me: “I really don’t think she’d take that well.”

    Patient: “What?”

    Me: “I said I really don’t think I’m allowed to date patients or their family members.”

    Patient: “Oh…but do think about it. Your eyes are really just so pure! He’d really be perfect for you!”

    (She called several weeks later to say she’d been committed to a mental hospital.)


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