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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Needs To Get Their Education Straight

    | Williston, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

    (I am waiting on my mom to get out of her doctor’s appointment. I overhear a conversation between a 17-year-old patient and the doctor.)

    Patient: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I MIGHT BE PREGNANT?!”

    Doctor: “Well, ma’am, you said you haven’t been having your period, and you have been having sex with your boyfriend, so it is highly possible.”

    Patient: “But I’m a lesbian! I can’t get pregnant!”

    Doctor: “Oh? I apologize. I thought you said you had a boyfriend. Well then, we should try other tests. And I apologize to you and your girlfriend.”

    Patient: “Ew, what? I do have a boyfriend! Why would I date a girl?”

    Doctor: “Then you aren’t a lesbian. And you are probably pregnant.”

    Patient: “I am a lesbian! My mom told my boyfriend and I that she wished I was a lesbian so I wouldn’t get pregnant. My boyfriend and I decided that I was a lesbian, so mom wouldn’t have to worry.”

    Doctor: “Miss, that is not how it works, and not what she meant.”

    Patient: “Screw you! I know my mom better then you do. You just lost a patient since you don’t even know lesbians can’t get pregnant!” *storms out*

    Getting Them Back Is True Therapy

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m a barista at a coffee shop. We’re pretty busy, but two older female customers are talking loudly enough to be heard by the whole shop.)

    Woman #1: “Well, at least your daughter hasn’t forgotten that she is a woman.”

    Woman #2: “Oh, I know. It’s such a shame when a girl forgets her feminine side.”

    (At this point, Woman #2 sees a bald teenager on the other side of the shop and gestures towards her.)

    Woman #2: “Like her. She’d be so pretty with hair!”

    (Hearing this, the bald girl stands up, completely calm, and walks over to the two women. The entire shop falls silent.)

    Bald girl: *holds out her hand* “Hi, my name is [name] and I’m going through chemotherapy.”

    (Both women go scarlet and run out of the shop. The girl got an ovation and a free drink.)

    And The Children Shall (Eat) Lead

    | Scotland, UK | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (We stock painted mediaeval knight figurines. However, they have removable weapons and are painted with lead paint, so they’re all kept on a high shelf out of the reach of children. Just to be safe, there are signs next to the figures stating that they are not safe for children. One day, I see a small boy gnawing on a William Wallace figure’s head, so I rush over and snatch it off him.)

    Mother: “How dare you! That was very rude!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. It’s just that this is not a toy, and is painted with lead paint. It’s not safe for him to be playing with, and definitely not safe to chew.”

    Mother: “What?! It shouldn’t have been within his reach! What kind of death-trap store is this?!”

    Me: “I’m so, so sorry, ma’am. Another customer must have moved it. I ought to have spotted it sooner. ”

    (I’m feeling guilty, until the kid pipes up.)

    Kid: “Mommy, I was quiet! You said I could have it if I was quiet!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you didn’t give this to your child, did you?”

    Mother: “How was I supposed to know it was dangerous?”

    Me: “Ma’am, there are distinct signs all around the figurines.” *I point to the four signs posted around the figures* “Also, they’re kept well out of the reach of children for exactly that reason.”

    Mother: “I don’t have time to read f***ing signs! They shouldn’t have been in my reach either!”

    Me: “I agree completely, ma’am.”

    No Wait To Her Argument

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Time

    (I’m running slightly late to meet a patient. I arrive about five minutes after the appointment time to find no one there. I wait around, wondering if she was perhaps caught up in traffic. After half an hour goes by, I call her.)

    Patient: *rudely* “Hello!?”

    Me: “Hello, this is [name] of [clinic name]. We had a 4 pm appointment today, but I didn’t see you.”

    Patient: “Oh, I was waiting forever, and you never showed!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry I missed you. How long were you waiting?”

    Patient: “45 minutes.”

    Me: “Huh? But it’s 4:30 now and there’s no one here.”

    Patient: “Yeah, I know! I left at 4pm!”

    Me: “But, that’s when our appointment was.”

    Patient: “Right! I can’t believe you were so late!”

    Me: “Please correct me if I’m wrong, but [clinic] is by-appointment-only, which means I am not in the office unless there’s a patient. I’ve told you this, haven’t I?”

    Patient: “That’s right.”

    Me: “So you’re upset because I wasn’t here 45 minutes before I was actually supposed to be here?”

    Patient: “Yes!”

    (The weirdest thing is that I had actually treated her before, and she’d shown up fifteen minutes late without calling!)

    Why Nurses Should Rule The World

    | TX, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (My 5-year-old son has received a serious injury to his eye. After a pediatrician recommends us to an eye doctor, we are referred to a specialist that works out of a university two hours away from home.)

    Nurse: “These are all the contact numbers you should need. I also went online for some directions, and called ahead to let them know it should only be a few hours.”

    My Son: “I don’t want to.”

    Nurse: “What’s the matter?”

    My Son: *visibly getting upset* “I’m scared.”

    Nurse: “But you’ve been so brave this whole time! How about this: if you go see the new doctor, I’ll give you my phone number and you can call me if you get too upset, okay?”

    (The nurse writes down her work extension and cell phone number on a piece of paper and adds it to my paperwork, insisting that I feel free to call if I have any problems or questions. My son stays calm all the way to the university and through the appointment with the specialist until we’re told he’s going to need surgery. Crying and upset, he begs me to call the nurse from the clinic.)

    Me: *on the phone* “I’m so sorry to bother you, I know you’re still working, but he’s really upset and asked to talk to you.”

    (I put the phone on speakerphone so my son, crying on the exam table, can hear.)

    Nurse: “Hey buddy! What’s wrong?”

    My Son: *crying* “The doctor here wants to give me surgery!”

    Nurse: “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’ll make your eye all better. You’ll be able to see again, like we talked about.”

    My Son: “But I’m scared! It’s going to hurt!”

    Nurse: “Of course it’s not going to hurt. That nice doctor wouldn’t hurt you!”

    My Son: “Have you been given surgeries?”

    Nurse: “Yeah kiddo, a few.”

    My Son: “And you came back to life?”

    Nurse: “Every single time.”

    My Son: “Promise?”

    Nurse: “Swear.”

    (My son has calmed down considerably throughout the conversation, and there’s not a dry eye in the room.)

    My Son: “…Okay…”

    Nurse: “See? I knew you were brave.”

    My Son: “Thank you! Love you!”

    Nurse: *laughing* “Love you, too.”

    (I thanked the nurse a thousand times, and she insisted I call her ASAP to let her know how the surgery goes. Later that day, she texted us a picture of herself and her family with a ‘GET WELL SOON’ sign they made for my son!)

    Related:
    Why Bus Drivers Should Rule The World
    Why Cashiers Should Rule The World
    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 2
    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World

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