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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Annoying Pneumonia

    | Maryland, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am a nurse sitting with a mother whose son passed out during school. I am asking her some questions while he is examined.)

    Me: “Has he complained of any discomfort or anything strange such as headaches, dizziness, nausea, fatigue, chest pains, muscle aches, difficulty breathing?”

    Mother: “Well, he was complaining that his chest hurt. He’s also been breathing heavily lately and coughing a lot.”

    Me: “When did this start?”

    Mother: “Oh, I don’t know…five or six days ago?”

    Me: “Your son has been complaining of chest pains and difficulty breathing for almost a week? Why didn’t you take him to the doctor?”

    Mother: “I thought he was just trying to get attention. You know kids–they always want attention!”

    That’ll Be An Arm And A Never Mind

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (A customer is complaining that we have cancelled her membership with us, even though she hasn’t paid for it for 6 months.)

    Customer: “This is getting ridiculous. I am going to take this to [local news station]. I’m disabled, and you’re discriminating against me because I am disabled.”

    Me: “I am not discriminating against you. The same rule applies to all members who fail to pay for their membership. Unfortunately, it has been cancelled and the only way to become a member again is to rejoin.”

    Customer: “If you don’t fix this for me, I’m going to come down there to your head office, take off my prosthetic leg, and beat you with it! Good bye!”

    A Tanner Darkly

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Health & Body

    (An elderly man comes to my till. He is obviously tanning a lot, which is something I don’t do because I’m East Indian.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you?”

    Customer: “Great, thanks.”

    Me: “That’s good, and you found everything okay?”

    Customer: “Yes, I found everything okay!”

    Me: *giggles* “Wow, sir, if you don’t mind my saying…you’re even darker than I am!”

    Customer: *chuckles* “Well, I try to tan every moment I get!”

    Me: “Ha! Well, whenever I go in the sun, I always wear 60 SPF.”

    Customer: “I never wear that sunscreen garbage. Never have, and never will. It causes cancer, you know? Too much of that sunscreen stuff!”

    Me: “Okay…well, have a good day. Enjoy the sunshine!”

    Customer: “I will! You do the same, darlin’. You’re lookin’ a little pale!”

    Got Love In The Bank

    | UK | Health & Body, Top

    (I’m answering the phone at the bank I work at. Note that 999 is the emergency number in England.)

    Me: “Hello, it’s Katy at [bank]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “My husband’s having a heart attack.”

    Me: “You need to call 999.”

    Customer: “I’d like to take his name off the bank account.”

    Me: “Call 999.”

    Customer: “No, I want him to die. So, can you just take his name off?

    Me: “No, call 999!”

    Customer: “Take his name off!”

    Me: “Not unless he comes to the bank and signs it. Right now, you need to call 999.”

    Customer: “We’ll be right there.”

    Me: “No! Call 999!”

    (Two minutes later, a woman comes in and speaks to my coworker.)

    Customer: “I think my husband’s dead.”

    Coworker: “Erm…have you called an ambulance?”

    Customer: “No, because your employee Katy said to come here and not call 999!”

    Me:“No, I didn’t! I’ve got the call recorded and I specifically told you to call 999! Where is your husband?”

    Customer: “In the car.”

    (I go outside and see an unconscious man in a car. I call an ambulance and they take him to the hospital. Several weeks later, the man comes in to sign a form. It states that he doesn’t want to share a bank account with his now ex-wife.)

    Related:
    She’s Nuts About Her Husband
    Through Joy And Sorrow, Sickness And Health Insurance

    Having Funion With Food

    , | York County, ME, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Any veggies on your sandwich?”

    Customer: *mumbles*

    (I think I hear “onions” and reach for them.)

    Customer: “No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! No onions, no onions, no, no, NO!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, no onions then. What did you say?”

    Customer: *repeats veggie order*

    (I get to ringing her up and she begins to apologize.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry if I startled you.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s okay.”

    Customer: “It’s just…I don’t like onions.”

    Me: “It’s really okay.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. You would have had to remake my sandwich. I hate onions! They make me want to vomit! Vomit everywhere!”


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