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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Drunkenness Can Give Birth To Wordlessness

    | California, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (A husband and wife are staying at our hotel because they are visiting the wife’s father, whose own wife is giving birth. One evening, the husband and father-in-law come stumbling into our front office.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Husband: “Quick, I need… um…” *turns to father-in-law* “What’s the word…”

    Father-In-Law: *shrugs*

    (The husband says the word several times in another language. My coworker hears this and approaches.)

    Coworker: *to me* “I got it.”

    (My coworker speaks to them in the language they were speaking. She then nods, calls them a taxi, and enters a note on their account for the manager.)

    Me: “What was that about?”

    Coworker: “Well, you know how he and his wife were here to celebrate with her dad?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, well, since his wife is pregnant and can’t drink, he and his father-in-law were in the hotel bar alone. The father-in-law wanted to tell him he was ordering traditional Irish baby gifts when they got a call that his wife had gone into labor.”

    Me: “Oh wow! That’s great! Wait… what was he confused about, then?”

    Coworker: “Oh, they were too drunk to remember the English words for ‘hospital’ and ‘taxi’.”

    Me: “I’m so glad you weren’t on your lunch break!”

    Colorful Comments Can Get You Burned

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Health & Body

    (A customer in maybe her late 40s or early 50s walks up to the counter while she waits for her drink.)

    Customer: “Oh honey, are you okay?”

    Me: “Well, yeah…why?”

    Customer: “Your skin… it’s so pale!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m just naturally very fair-skinned. Whole family is.”

    Customer: “But sweetie, you look awful.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You look just AWFUL! So sickly.”

    Me: “Well, thank you for your concern, but I feel just fine.”

    Customer: “No, really, you look TERRIBLE!”

    Me: “Gee, thanks.”

    Customer: “What?! I’m just trying to be helpful! You should really see a doctor about that skin of yours, you just look horrible!” *takes her drink and leaves*

    Me: “Uh… what just happened?”

    (At this point, another younger, female customer speaks up.)

    Another Customer: “Some giant piece of old burnt toast trying to reclaim her long lost youth.”

    Disrespect Can Be Infectious

    | Michigan, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Top

    (A customer approaches my register and drops her items on the counter in two separate piles without acknowledging me or diverting attention from her cellphone. There is a line forming as there is only one cash register. Note: I work part-time here; my other job is at a pharmacy.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right today?”

    Customer: *to her phone* “So, I went to the doctor and he prescribed me zithromyacin…”

    Me: “Okay, were you going with all of these today or is this pile here to go back?”

    Customer: *to her phone* “Well, I didn’t want to spend money on another prescription, so I just took some Diflucan I had at home.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to know what you plan to purchase before I can ring you up.”

    Customer: *to her phone* “That should be okay, right? I mean, I don’t even know what Diflucan is, but I figured it was stupid to spend more money on pills.”

    Me: “So, should I go ahead and ring these?

    Customer: *to her phone* “I mean, what is Diflucan anyway?”

    Me: *a bit loudly* “DIFLUCAN is most frequently prescribed for YEAST INFECTIONS. Were you ready to check out or would you like to step into a more private area to finish your call?”

    Customer: “Okay, these are the items what I wanted to purchase!” *pays and quickly leaves, embarrassed*

    Contraception Misperceptions

    | Oslo, Norway | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I am a pharmacist working at 24-hour pharmacy. This takes place on a late Sunday evening.)

    Female Caller: “Hello, um… I… um… you know the morning after pill?”

    Me: “Yes, certainly. What would you like to know about it?”

    Female Caller: “Is there an anti-morning after pill?”

    Me: “Sorry? An anti-morning after pill?”

    Female Caller: “Yes. You see, this guy, he came around today, and he brought some flowers and everything, so now I’m kind of regretting taking that pill. So is there an anti-morning after pill I could take?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, there isn’t such a thing.”

    Female Caller: “Oh, that is a shame. Do you think they will make one?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, but I really don’t think they will.”

    Female Caller: “Really? Oh, that is a bummer.” *hangs up*

    Backhanded Corpulence

    | Essex, UK | Health & Body

    (I’m customer-facing tech support, and I’ve just fixed up a customer’s phone after a few issues she’s been having.)

    Customer: “Oh, that’s brilliant! Thank you so much! Oh, and I love your hair! It’s so trendy!”

    Me: “Thanks! Well, if you need any more—”

    Customer: “Yeah, sort your weight out and you’d be alright looking.”

    Me: “Sorry?!”

    Customer: “It’s okay, just exercise! Bye!”

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