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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Kids Will Send Any Parent To The Funny Pharm

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am taking a refill order over the phone.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pharmacy]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to refill a couple of prescriptions. This one I have the number for.”

    (She proceeds to give me the number, and while I am running the prescription through her insurance I hear some kids playing in the background.)

    Me: “Okay, so that one went through just fine. What is the next one?”

    Customer: “I don’t have the number, but can you look it up for me? It’s my birth control.”

    (I look in the customer’s file and sure enough it’s there. But while I am running it, the playing in the background has turned into a serious screaming and fighting match.)

    Customer: *embarrassed* “And this is why I am refilling the birth control. Can’t you tell?”

    The Less-Errant Of Two Evils

    | The Netherlands | Health & Body, Language & Words

    (I’m a cashier at a supermarket and am checking out a customer. All cigarette packages have a warning on them.)

    Customer: “I’d like [brand] cigarettes please.”

    (I grab a package.)

    Customer: “Oh no, not that one. I don’t like the text on it.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean the, ‘Smoking is deadly’ text?

    Customer: “Yes, get me one with a different text.”

    (I grab another package.)

    Me: “Okay… how about, ‘Smoking leads to a slow painful death’?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t like that one either.”

    Me: “Is, ‘Smoking increases the chance to get lung cancer’ fine, then?”

    Customer: “Ah yes, that one is good!”

    Getting Them Back Is True Therapy, Part 2

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Health & Body, Top

    (We have a regular customer who was diagnosed with breast cancer and had lost all her hair from the Chemo. She is only 17 at the time. Everyone who goes to the shop more than once knows her. I’m a barista who is out the back getting ready for my shift in few minutes. Three very obnoxious customers came in and began to talk very loudly at the end of a mildly long line.)

    Customer #1: “Ugh, why did we have to come to this hipster place? It’s so trashy!”

    Customer #2: “I know! Everyone is so stuck up with their MacBooks and iPads! Like, get a life!”

    Customer #3: “And everyone looks so ugly! Look at that girl in the corner! She has no hair!”

    Customer #2: “That’s because she’s super hipster! She does it for no other reason than because no one else is!”

    Customer #1: “Oh, my God! Ew!”

    (At this point pretty much everyone inside has heard what they’ve said and is looking in the general direction of the trio. Customer #3 seems to notice this and quietens up. Two police officers (both regulars) walk in and join the line behind the three customers. The three customers talk like this for another minute before one deliberately talks loudly enough for the whole place to hear.)

    Customer #1: “Hipsters are stupid! Your head looks retarded; I mean come on, who would want to be bald and ugly like you?!”

    (At this point, the girl in the corner starts to cry a little bit. Everyone around her begins to comfort her, but the barista loses his cool.)

    Barista: “No. You do not talk to her that way! Get out of my store! The three of you! You’re not welcome here! Ever!”

    Customer #1: “I’ve been waiting in line for 10 minutes (more like three) and I’m not leaving without my coffee!”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, we deserve our coffee!”

    (Customer #3 hasn’t said a word since she walked in, and begins to walk out and wait outside for the other two.)

    Customer #2: *to Customer #3* “Where are you going?! Don’t wuss out! We need to get our coffee before next class!”

    Barista: “Take your friends advice and, for the last time, leave.”

    Customers #1 & 2: “No!”

    Police Officer #1: “You two have been asked to leave by the gentlemen behind the counter. I suggest you do so.”

    Customer #2: “That hipster can’t make us leave!”

    Customer #1: “We have rights!”

    Police Officer #1: “So does everyone else here and you are violating them. You’ve visibly upset this poor girl who’s going through the toughest time in her life right now.”

    Customer #1: “As if! We go to Uni! We get way more stressed!”

    Police Officer #2: “We’re not here to argue with you. Either leave or you’ll both be arrested for trespassing since you’ve already been asked to leave twice.”

    Customer #1: “You cant f***ing do that! We haven’t done anything wrong and we’re not f***ing leaving until we get our f***ing coffee, you a**hole!”

    Police Officer #2: “That’s it, turn around, hands behind your back.”

    Police Officer #1: “Now.”

    (As the officers try to motion them to turn around, they resist and begin to try and push the officers away. After a bit more fighting, the unruly customers end on the ground, squealing with their hands cuffed. As the officers are radioing in for a car, everyone is comforting the girl in the corner, whose name is Hannah. However, they quickly begin laughing their heads off as Hannah herself is jumping up and down (in the literal sense) in her seat with the biggest smile on her face. Her father later comes in as news spreads and buys everyone a drink. A couple of years later, Hannah has beaten her cancer but remains bald for her own personal reasons. She’s still stops by every few weeks to chat and everyone loves her. Even the two police officers stop by at least once a week. We all refer to that as the day as ‘The Most Awesome Day Ever’.)

    Related:
    Getting Them Back Is True Therapy

    Went To The Wrong Joint, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (Our clinic has an animal hotel which backs out onto the alley behind. The back entrance is for employees and for taking dogs out for walks, and so only has a small sign to indicate it is an animal clinic. It is otherwise an anonymous-looking building, in an alleyway that looks like several others behind our neighboring strip malls. One such alleyway contains a medical marijuana clinic. It is 8 am on a Sunday. A stranger in his early twenties approaches me as I am taking a dog out for his morning business. I am in my scrubs, and so on the street I am sometimes mistaken for a nurse.)

    Stranger: “Hey, you work here?”

    Me: “Yep, I’m new.”

    Stranger: “Okay, cool. They let you bring your dog to work with you?”

    Me: “No, this is one of our boarders. Can I help you with something?”

    Stranger: “They shouldn’t let you keep dogs in there! What if they ate your stock?”

    Me: “I assure you, the pharmacy is kept well away from them. Did you need something?”

    Stranger: “Yeah, just a dime.”

    Me: *blankly* “I don’t have my wallet with me, I’m sorry.”

    Stranger: *also blankly* “No, I mean… could you let me into the building so I can get it?”

    Me: *thinking he is joking, I laugh* “The clinic is technically closed, sorry. Besides, I don’t think I want you going through my stuff!”

    Stranger: “I don’t get it! My friends said you guys are super helpful! I just want to buy a dime!”

    (At this point, I finally putting the pieces together.)

    Me: “Ah, actually… we aren’t that kind of clinic. That one is the next alley up, but I’m pretty sure they’re closed at this time of day. We’re an animal clinic.”

    Stranger: “S***! Sorry to bother you!”

    (The stranger starts to leave in the direction he came from, but then turns around and goes the way I pointed and laughs.)

    Stranger: “Yeah… I might be a little high.”

    Related:
    Went To The Wrong Joint

    Super-flu-ous Advice

    | AB, Canada | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (It’s currently flu season, and we are offering flu shots.)

    Me: “Alright, sir. We got you all set. Have you gotten your flu shot yet?”

    Customer: “Ah, no. I don’t get a flu shot. I don’t get the flu, sweetie.”

    Me: “Wow, you must be lucky.”

    Customer: “You want to know my secret, dear?”

    Me: “What’s your secret, sir?”

    Customer: *leans in close* “You see now, chickens, cows, pigs: they get the flu. So, if you don’t eat them, you don’t get the flu! You remember that now!”

    Me: “Um, okay, sir. I will. Have a nice day.”

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