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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    He Has An Alco-huh Problem

    | Canberra, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A man in his 40s walks in to the store. He’s carrying an empty 750ml bottle of bourbon, and places it on the counter.)

    Customer: “I want a refund on this bottle of bourbon. It was off.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t refund that one as the bottle is empty.”

    Customer: “But I even brought the receipt back.” *waves receipt*

    Coworker: “I’m terribly sorry, sir. As the bottle is empty, we cannot refund it. If I may, sir, what made you think the bottle of bourbon was off?”

    Customer: “I drank it last night and it made me throw up.”

    Coworker: “I am terribly sorry for that, but what happened to the rest of the bottle?”

    Customer: “I told you! I drank the whole bottle last night, and it made me feel dizzy and throw up! It was clearly off!”

    Sometimes, This Job Really Blows

    | Colorado, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I work as a drug tester for state agencies. Most people come in for breathalyzers. Our machine though does not stop on its own and I have to tell people when to stop blowing. A new client has just come in and is doing his blood alcohol.)

    Me: “…and stop blowing.”

    (The client doesn’t stop, but keeps blowing until the machine gives a system error.)

    Me: “Okay, let’s try one more time…” *client blows* “…and stop.”

    (Again, the client doesn’t stop, which causes a system error again. This goes on ELEVEN more times, with me explaining repeatedly that he needs to stop when I tell him to.)

    Client: “What the F***! Why won’t this f***ing thing work?!”

    Me: “As I’ve explained multiple times, you have to stop when I say or it won’t work.”

    Client: “I don’t like people telling me what to do!”

    Urine Need Of Training Yourself

    | Short Hills, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (Our store is in a shopping mall, so we don’t have public restrooms like most of our chain locations. Since the mall has restrooms conveniently located across the hall, we usually don’t have any problems. This day, a customer runs into our store holding her three-year-old son’s hand.)

    Customer: “Where’s your bathroom?”

    Me: “We actually don’t have one, but there’s one right over—”

    Customer: “What do you mean you don’t have a bathroom? My son needs to go immediately!”

    Me: “There’s a public restroom right across the hall over there.”

    Customer: “I don’t have time to get him over there! I need you to let us use yours!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. But really, the restroom is right across the hall—”

    Customer: “MY SON IS ABOUT TO PEE HIS PANTS! He’s still being potty trained and can’t hold it for very long!”

    (To my surprise, another customer who has overheard the conversation speaks in our defense.)

    Another Customer: “Are you crazy, lady? There’s a bathroom not thirty feet away! You’re going to let your poor son wet himself so you can argue with this man? You should be ashamed of yourself!”

    Water You, Stupid, Part 7

    | NY, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am assembling coffees when I hear this conversation between a customer and the cashier. Note: our tap water is used to brew the coffee and is very clean.)

    Customer #1: “I would like a bottle of water.”

    Cashier: “Actually, we’re currently out of bottled water, but we can put ice in a cup and fill it with tap water. We won’t charge for it!”

    Customer #1: “How could you say such a thing?! Everyone knows that tap water has salmonella in it! You can’t expect me to give that to my children!”

    (The customer then storms off without buying anything. The next customer walks up, laughing.)

    Customer #2: “I’ll take a water with extra salmonella!”

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 6
    Water You, Stupid, Part 5
    Water You, Stupid, Part 4
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

    You Can Lead A Horse Doctor To Water

    | Virginia, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    Caller: “Hi, this is [name] with [co-op store]. I need to return some [animal] vaccines that are out of date.”

    Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Let me just look up your invoice so I can see what you last bought this item…”

    (I take a few moments to check on her past vaccine orders.)

    Me: “Ma’am, the last time you bought this item was in 2009. That was three years ago.”

    Caller: “Yeah, so? I need to have it returned so I can get a refund.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t return this.”

    Caller: “Why the H*** not?!”

    Me: “If I came to your store three years ago and bought a vaccine, would you let me return it today and give me a refund?”

    Caller: “Well, that’s absurd. Of course not. You would have had the vaccine long enough to use it before it went out of date….oh…I see…have a nice day.”

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