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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    The Hair Apparent

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (The manager calls me to the front of the store to deal with an angry customer: I had laminated her elementary school son’s photo collage. I should have realized something was up when I see the manager is smirking.)

    Customer: “You laminated one of your hairs in my son’s collage!”

    Me: “I really doubt it.”

    (I point out I am wearing a hat.)

    Customer: *now super angry* “Don’t contradict me. You have ruined this collage!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I really don’t think that long blond hair is mine.”

    (I pull off my hat. I have a shaved head.)

    Customer: “Well, then, someone else must have put it there. Like her!” *points to a coworker with blond hair*

    Me: “Ma’am, I am the only person who has touched this order. This hair appears to be yours.”

    Customer: “Well… you should have never laminated the hair in then!”

    (I point to the order form where the customer has circled ‘as is’.)

    Customer: “Aaargh!” *storms out*

    Good Thing Stupid Isn’t Contagious

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in an ObGyn office in lab follow up. I have the unfortunate job of calling patients for positive STD results.)

    Me: “Hello, may I speak to [Patient]?”

    Patient: “This is her.”

    Me: “I’m from Dr. [Name]‘s office . Before we proceed, I need to verify I am speaking with the patient. Can you verify this information?”

    (The patient proceeds to answer all verifying personal info.)

    Me: “I am calling about your test results. Your results for [STD] have come back positive. It is a common infection that can easily be treated by this antibiotic. Is there a pharmacy you would prefer it be called into?”

    Patient: “WTF?! YOUR TEST LIES! I know for a fact I can’t have this infection! You guys gave me birth control pills!”

    Me: “I understand that this can be a very hard news to hear, but you have tested positive and we need to treat you. When we give you birth control, we make it a point to let you know it will not protect you from STDs.”

    Patient: “Oh, I guess I missed that part. Does this mean he gave me diabetes, too?”

    Me: “No, diabetes is not sexually transmitted.”

    Patient: “I’m going to go see my regular doctor and get tested for it just in case.”

    Stop, Look, Don’t Listen

    | Canada | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I am leaving work in an unmarked uniform as I have recently been promoted from security guard to dispatcher. I still often help out our employee-access gate guards as the access gate can be very busy. I’ve just left our dispatch center where I had called 911 for an ambulance shortly before. As I get to the gate, there is a non-employee who is dressed like a plumber waiting for his daughter to be brought out from our health center. I can also hear the ambulance approaching so I start providing traffic control to allow the ambulance quick access to the property.)

    Me: *to an employee coming in to work* “Step to the side, please!”

    (The employee continues to approach without stopping and the ambulance is now visible with its emergency lights flashing.)

    Me: “Step to the side. SIR, STEP TO THE SIDE SO THE AMBULANCE CAN GET IN.”

    (The employee runs forward, only stopping when the ambulance almost runs his foot over.)

    Me: *stopping the employee* “Excuse me. Did you not understand me?”

    Employee: “What do you mean?

    Me: “Did you not hear me telling you to stop, and motioning you to stay where you were to let the ambulance in?”

    Employee: “Yeah, and I f****** stopped, didn’t I?”

    Me: “No, you didn’t. I’ll ask you again. Did you not understand me?”

    Employee: “Yeah, well, you were saying one thing and motioning with your hands. It wasn’t very clear. Why should I have to stop anyway? I would have made it ahead of the ambulance!”

    Me: “I asked you to stop, and you didn’t stop. Is there something that makes you special so that you don’t have to stop for an ambulance on an emergency run? Can I see your ID card, please?”

    Employee: “No. Who the f*** are you, anyway?”

    (At this point, I let him see my company ID card with ‘Security and Loss Prevention’ written on it as my department.)

    Employee: “Well, you weren’t very clear with what you wanted. Now f****** let me get to work.”

    Me: “I asked for your ID card. Please give it to me.”

    Employee: No. You didn’t make yourself clear and I shouldn’t have had to stop anyway.”

    (The man waiting to pick his daughter up has been listening to this whole exchange and chimes in.)

    Man: “Actually, a**hole, he was very clear about what you wanted. You were just a little s*** who didn’t listen.”

    Employee: “F*** you. What the f*** do you want? You’re not involved here!”

    Man: “He was very clear about what he wanted you to do. You were just a snot-nosed little s***head who didn’t want to listen. You’ve been nothing but an a**hole during this entire exchange.”

    (At this point they are about ready to exchange blows and every security guard at the access post is ready to jump in. The man then reaches inside his shirt and pulls out his badge as well as pulling his ID card from his pocket.)

    Man: “If it was up to me, I would arrest your a** right now because you deserve it. I’m already having a bad day and snot-nosed little brats like you just make it worse. So you are going to shut up and walk through the metal detector and go to work. I will personally be calling your supervisor to tell them what a snot-nosed s***head you are and that you chose to disregard the very clear directions of park security.”

    (The employee immediately showed me his ID, and then turned around and went straight into work without ever saying another word. Turned out, the ‘plumber’ was a member of a local undercover drug squad who had been called off surveillance to pick his daughter up after she got sick.)

    The Sad (Pro)State Of Service

    | Adelaide, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (I work as a waitress in a small and very busy beach side cafe which attracts a somewhat pretentious crowd.)

    New Colleague: “I’m not sure what that man at table one wanted. He was mumbling a lot.”

    Me: “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll ask.”

    Customer: “Oi, you! Can I get the bill?!” *does ticking bill sign in air*

    Me: “When you’re ready, sir, just come to the front and we can sort it out up there.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know that but I want the bill here.”

    Me: *grits teeth* “… Sure.”

    (I bring the customer his bill. The customer’s wife waves me aside as her husband exits with a weird waddle in his step.)

    Wife: “Don’t worry, dear. No man is pleasant to be around after a prostate exam.”

    Silver Linen To Every Cloud

    | USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (We have multiple very large groups staying with us, so all the extra bed sheets are taken up.)

    Guest: “My child threw up on the bed! I need new linens!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we have no more.”

    Guest: “Nonsense! You are supposed to help! It’s your job! Now fetch my linens and don’t be lazy about it!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not kidding. We don’t have any more. How am I supposed to get you some more linens when I don’t have what you need?”

    (The guest yells angrily, so I bring the manager out.)

    Manager: “What’s the problem?”

    Guest: “I’ll tell you what’s the problem! This hotel has no more linens! What kind of hotel has no more linens to give!”

    (My manager takes the angry guest out and walks with him someplace. When she returns, she is alone.)

    Me: “What happened?”

    Manager: “I showed him the lobby, which was full of people. I showed him the pool, which was full of people. Then I showed him the hallways, which were also full of people, and told him that every one of them has asked for linens and we ran out. He got real quiet, grunted, and then ran off to his room!”


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